Why her and not me??

My ex an I broke up a few months ago. His exact word were "maybe I'm not ready for a relationship". I accepted it and was keeping busy in my life. Until earlier this month , I caved in and asked if he wanted to hang out , he said he would be busy and "maybe sometime after that". He usually sounds rude even when he's not trying to sound rude so I didn't think he was brushing me off. Then again today I messaged him askin when next month would work since I will be traveling and after a few messages here and there he said he was "seeing someone at the moment and it would be inappropriate if we met" ... HOW ? When? We haven't had contact only since March/Aprilish. How has he moved on? Why her if he isn't ready for comittment? I am hurt and upset. I wasn't trying to get him back but I didn't think he would of moved on this quick after being together for nearly 3 years! I guess this is a blow to my ego :'(

How does someone who's not ready to comitt move on this quick?
I'm sorry his exact words were "Maybe I'm not ready to settle down" if that makes any bit of difference.
We actually ended up meeting a few days after I posted this, he is a "commitment phobe" and I knew that even when we first started dating 3 years ago. I am glad we met and spoke things out, I am moved on and KNOW I deserve better than he can EVER offer me. As for the other girl he is "currently involved in", who knows his motives. He might string her along for a number of years and end up telling her the same thing he told me. Thanks guys for all your responses :)


Most Helpful Guy

  • Remember, even though you were together for 3 years, does not change the fact that you have already broken up with him and that he has moved on. But the fact that you have been in a relationship with so long is likely to make you more outraged and hurt, than if you had been with him for a shorter amount of time. It makes sense that you would feel hurt, because it makes you feel sad when you think of him with another woman, who isn't you. Likely, it doesn't help that you remember the good times you spent with him, and that makes you miss the past and have wishful thinking. Just remember though. It's his choice if he wants to move on, and you can't force him to love you.

    He said "maybe I'm not ready to settle down" because he was hurt at the time, and that's all he had to say. Usually, when people are hurt, they don't always have a clear mind. They don't always say what they mean. But that doesn't sound like a rational reason to break up, because relationships can always be improved. The only reason I can think of, for why he would say that, is if you were seeking marriage, and he wasn't.

    So remember, he is seeing someone at the moment, and for him to meet you, an ex, would make him feel awkward, since he is currently in a relationship. That's why he doesn't want to meet you. It is also likely that he thinks that the reason you want to meet him is because you want to date him again. So it sounds like he's trying to let you know that he's already in a relationship because he thinks you're trying to rekindle that relationship.

    Finally, know that not everyone is the same. He is seeing someone else at the moment and it's not you. If you and his current girlfriend's roles were reversed, how would you react if she said the exact same thing "Why her and not me?" We can't always be with the people who we wish to be with. He's with her now, and it may be temporary, or it may not be. The point is, that he is already in a relationship, and although you feel sad and hurt, he's going to view hanging out with you difficult, if not impossible (even if he did take it the wrong way). That closeness that he used to share with you might make it impossible for him to be around you without making him feel awkward. How would you feel if a boyfriend hung out with his ex?


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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • Because she's much more beuatiful.

    • Thanks... I am sure she is much more "beuatiful", but I might be more beautiful!

  • He was just trying to let you down gently, or maybe he genuinely changed his mind.

    There was something that made him think of this girl as girlfriend material, but not you, most likely something personality-related. I wouldn't overanalyse. Different people have different preferences. Just move on.


What Girls Said 3

  • He didn't want to commit to YOU. I'm sorry. :( If a guy wants to be monogamous, he will settle down with the girl that he feels is right. He wasn't feeling it for you anymore. It's not worth the trouble, move on.

    • Thanks. Also, looking at my answer, no wonder I can't answer as many questions as I would like to. It would take too much time to answer so many questions with that length of answers.

    • Thank you so much. I feel appreciated, my friend. You give shorter answers, but you're no less detailed. Sometimes you get to the point, so your answers are very readable. I write a lot, but not always.

    • Your articles are great. You know what to write about, and they're very detailed and specific. Although there was a time that I overdid it, I wasn't in the right mind at the time. So yes, your articles are good, and I mean it.

  • he wasn't ready to commit to YOU. he was ready to commit to someone else.

  • Maybe he just doesn't like you


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