Ladies, did I make a mistake by dating when I wanted my ex back

My ex girlfriend dumped me months ago, she said she still wanted to remain friends, I tried to get her back, she said no, we went NC for a few months while I was working through my depression.

I saw her at a gathering a few months after the breakup and while it was awkward, it was civil enough. In light of what she told me during the breakup, I did not know whether to interpret her cordiality as her being open to a reconciliation, or simply being friendly.

A month passed by and I saw her again at another event. She was extremely cold and even slightly rude to me. I later found out that she was asking around if I was dating someone and was convinced that I was (in fact, I had some casual dates and was out with a female friend along with one of my ex's friends).

If I wanted a reconciliation, did I ruin it by dating and being friendly with women in front of my ex's friends? I would take my ex back, but I feel she is the one who should make the move since she dumped me and spurned my initial attempts at reconciliation. Perhaps I am being prideful, but how healthy of a relationship would be if she knew she could dump me at anytime and I would always come crawling back. I also wanted to get better and keep my options open by dating again.

However, given my ex's cold response, I am starting to feel as though I possibly made a mistake by dating before I knew for certain what my ex's intentions were?

What do ladies and even gents think? Thanks.
Updates:
Thanks all for the comments.


I will most likely see the ex again in a few weeks at an event. I am concerned that she will try to make me upset again by either completely giving me the cold shoulder or bringing some dude so she can throw that it my face.


Should I continue to be gracious/take the high road and give her a quick smile/nod/wave hello if we make eye contact, or ignore completely?


Up until now, whenever I bump into her, I always initiate and approach her with a hello.
I am starting to think that I should avoid the event where my ex will be. After all, I could do something else that night.


Since her last chilly reception and given the fact that she thinks I am dating someone when I am not, I am concerned she will have something else up her sleeve to make me feel bad. She may show up with a dude and be all over him in front of me.


I feel better when I don't see or hear of her. But, then my friends may be disappointed.


Any suggestions?
So, my ex saw me sitting with an attractive female friend at an event the other night. I smiled and waved at the ex, and she did smile back. However, there was no interaction after that and she did not stay for the after event party at a local bar. I don't know if this is because she didn't want into run into me and who she probably thought was the girl I am dating. Ladies, did I blow my chances of any reconciliation?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Sounds like she just wants your attention, nothing more. To have you, without actually having to be in a relationship with you. Sounds pretty selfish, doesn't it? I don't blame you for wanting to keep your pride. She WANTS you to crawl back to her, that's why she isn't saying anything directly to you. She wants you to come back to her "on your own", so to say. She doesn't want YOU, she wants your attention. That's also why she's asking around if you're dating anyone. She's assuming that, simply because you're not crawling back to her. And I'm pretty sure that if you did try to get back together with her, she'd just reject you all over again. If not immediately, then after leading you on for a while.

    You didn't make a mistake, you dodged a bullet by not going back to her. Leave her be, she sounds like a royal pain in the ass.

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    • haha...thanks...you when you say that I dodged a bullet, you sound just like my buddies who also happen to know her through mutual friends.

      I also considered that she simply assumes I am dating someone for no other reason that I never crawled back to her.

      When we broke, she told me she had ex boyfriends (even married ones) who would still call her to hookup. Even when we dated, she would tell me about guys that would chase her. Her comments/behavior made me not want to re-chase.

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    • Good! I wish you all the best. :)

    • Thanks!

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What Girls Said 8

  • She's the bich that left YOU! Her loss. You tried to get get back what does she want, for you to beg? Ha! She expected you to be her dog. Have more self respect my dear. You did fine! =) After all you are single, your in the clear. If she ever tries to give you the guilt trip she's a dumb asz. If that's the case she shouldn't have left you in the first place... Dumb broads I swear..

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    • LOL...thanks...even though she dumped, I did wait a few months before socializing openly with women.

      When she broke up with me and said she still wanted to be friends, she said I could still call her for coffee sometime. But when I asked her if she would ever do the same as a friend, she said she "had a full life" and didn't even have the time. I didn't show it, but that comment hurt and angered me inside. Maybe she didn't mean it, but helped prevent me from calling her again.

    • sorry to say this but she is right

    • loverlove, what part is she right about?

  • If you did in fact ruin your chances by going out and doing the things that people who aren't attached to someone do, then she's not the girl for you anyway.

    She broke up with you. That should mean that she accepts the fact that you are now free to go and meet lovely girls and do whatever you want with them assuming that the other party is willing. Unfortunately there are lots of girls who decide that they don't want a particular guy any longer themselves, but they don't want anyone else to have him either.

    In all honesty, it's probably really good for her to see that you haven't just been waiting around for her to come back to you. It shows that you respect yourself more than being a doormat.

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    • Thanks..that's a nice comment. My friends feel she is being spiteful as well. I guess I am disappointed because I didn't think she was the type of person who would be happy if I was alone and miserable, or angry if I was bouncing back from the break up and dating again.

      It's one thing if she didn't feel as if I was the "the one" and broke up with me. It happens. It's quite another to not be happy or wish someone one bad post breakup, especially if the dumpee treated the dumper well.

  • u should just move on,she is clearly not interested in getting back with you and it is none of her business who you go out with,she ended it so that is your key to freedom..she seems cold and selfish

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    • thx..she did admit to me once that she was selfish..she broke up with a dude once because apparently he spent too much time with his son rather than her!

      my thing was that I like to work out and run competitive races and she did not exercise at all, so I think she resented me for it. in all fairness, I wasn't all expressive with my feelings either and maybe could have placed her higher on my list of priorities. But, having said that, I still don't think I deserve the treatment I am getting now.

  • Honestly, I wouldn't ignore her or be a purposeful jackass or anything, but keep it at waving and saying hello. She was either bored or really lost interest, but whatever it was, she left you. Don't sink to her level and be a jerk, but I also wouldn't advise crawling back to her because she clearly doesn't really have the greatest intentions anyhow.

    Whether she has/had intentions to take you back, I wouldn't waste a second contemplating that one. she didn't act on it when she had the chance, and hte fact that its seems like she regrest leaviang you only after she sees you with another girl is a classic case of the dumper's guilt. Best leave her in your past, it was fun while you were together but it really sounds like her priorities or what she's looking for have changed.

    You can do better. Show her what she's missing and that it's her loss, just remember to keep it classy :)

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    • Thanks..it kind of sucks to accept the reality that she lost interest and wants nothing to do with me, but this is clearly the case. I just that I felt a bit better when she was at least friendly to me that one time, but then dismayed again when she turned cold after she found out I was bouncing back.



      The ironic thing is that I am not dating anyone as she believes, but do have female friends and have been socializing/been on dates.

    • I understand how you don't want to accept fully that she may not be into it. I know I may sound harsh but trust me, leave her be and in a week/month you'll see that you really can do better.

      I'm also seeing from some of your responses to others what I have done all too many times; making excuses for her actions, which were pretty rotten, to justify them.

      I know 'love is blind' and all that, but stay strong and hopefully this will give you an idea of not to settle for less than you deserve.

  • Being that she seems so snoby I say just avoid her. Maybe still go to the event but ignore her? That way you can silk be with friends =)

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  • Yes you did a big mistake if you love her go for her get her back.maybe she still lover you to .

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    • Thanks, but if I chase her again after she dumped me, won't she know that she can dump me and have me back at any time? Is this the basis for a healthy relationship? Why can't she make a move? Too many guys chasing her, so she won't even bother I guess.

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    • and to clarify, I wouldn't need her to tell me that she wanted me back for me to make a move. If she simply called/texted a hello, how's it going, something along those lines, I would take the chance and ask her out again.

      but cordiality in a group setting with mutual friends was not enough for me. she must just wanted to not look like a bad guy in front of our friends. Everyone in our circle knows she hurt me.

    • just move on with your life start to date again. Try to just fall in love with someone else.If it true love she will come back if it not move on.love always find it way

  • QueenBeatris is right, she did end it

    start dating and see what happens from there

    if something was meant for you it will happen

    if she wanted you back you would know, she would come running

    move on

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  • it seems like she only cares about her ego, if she truly missed you she'd do anything to be with you again.

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What Guys Said 4

  • If she had any real intentions of piecing the relationship back together it won't matter. It will be used against you regardless of outcome but know that's not the real reason for anything, just an excuse.

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  • Imo she wants the affectionate attention from you, without being committed to you. I would leave her be and see other ppl, because she isn't built to be in a relationship at this moment.

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    • @the most recent update

      Do what is best for your emotional well-being, even if that includes avoiding events you know your ex will attend. If your friends have opposition or scorn for you over this, tell them to kick rocks.

    • "Kick rocks"...I like that...some of my friends tell me I should be over it and just go anywhere she will be, but of course, they do not have to deal with the emotional damage afterward. I know they mean well, though.

    • Tell them to get over their insensitivity :-P

  • You really made a mistake by going back to your ex.

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    • I didn't go back to her. I wanted her to come back to me. I just wondered if by dating other women after my ex dumped that I ruined my chances of getting back with my ex.

  • If she broke up with you, especially for several months, then any dating you did is fair game. If you waited around for her to change her mind and basically put your love life on hold for her, she would not respect you. Remember, she broke up with you! Just because she's upset is not necessarily a bad thing. It sounds like she either wants your attention or is just being spiteful.

    You did nothing wrong and didn't ruin anything. It's been my experience that women like competition. One time a girl broke up with me and I started dating other girls. I hid it from her for a few months but when she found out she wanted me back immediately. We dated again for about 3 years after that. Good luck to you!

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