Should I talk to my ex's new boyfriend?

From my other question you can gather that I'm not quite over my ex and that I still cherish and love her. She was my everything. We would do almost everything together and spend the happiest days of our lives (of my life at least).

So I called her up today and asked her if she wanted to take a walk in the park, to talk and sort this whole thing up. She said she couldn't as she was going to the gym and she would be busy later on tonight.

10 minutes after hanging up she calls me back and tells me that I need to talk to her new boyfriend, to "sort things out".

At the time I told her NO because I know it would infuriate me and put me ill at ease and she called me a "p****", to "f*** off and not contact me", "you never think about making me happy" and "I don't think you see us as friends". I was heartbroken by her statements.

We were together for 3,5 years. We were very, very close. We had met both of our respective families and most of all we were in LOVE.

What do I do? I just can't give up on her and I getting back together, it's literally killing me thinking she's with someone else.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • You should not talk to her ex. In fact, you should cut both of them off and never look back.

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What Girls Said 3

  • First of all you really need to come to terms with the fact that the relationship is over. I know its easier said than done, but that's life, you're going to have to do it.

    Additionally you should not go and talk to her new boyfriend. That's her boyfriend, her responsibility. If there is any sorting out that needs to be done, she should be the one to do it.

    If you were to do so it would put you in an awkward position for no reason at all as the new boyfriend may see you as a threat and he may become upset, offended and may resort to some sort of action that may even escalate to a physical altercation.

    I realize you have 3 and a half years with this girl, but clearly she has moved on and its really time that you do also. Life will be better for you in the long run.

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    • I completely agree with your second paragraph. I told her that it's her new boyfriend, I don't know him and god I don't want to know him either. That is when she started insulting with the "p****", etc ... words.

      I'm now getting completely over here. This heated discussion was the last straw and I'm heading soon to Paris to meet a more mature girl. The irony this girl is 17 (I'm 18) and my ex is now 20.

      Weird thing is is that my ex is prone to coming back crawling to me.

    • You have to follow your mind sometimes more than your heart. While I know you loved your ex, a relationship with her is toxic if she keeps leaving only to come back. She basically is using you because she doesn't want to be alone in between relationships. Don't take her back. Don't rush into any new relationships until you've had closure and have completely healed from this one. Age does not always equal to maturity.

  • I don't think you should talk to him she is your ex so don't talk to him it will just make you feel worst

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    • Yeah it probably would. I said no because it would bother me. I don't know this guy (and I don't ever want to). He sounds like a joke of a guy but I just don't want to get involved with it any more. He's my ex's problem now.

  • Wait, why would you talk to her new boyfriend? I mean what does she think you and him need to talk about?

    Honestly, I know this isn't what you want to hear/read but it would be best if you stopped contacting her. You're young, she has treated you...not so nicely... . There are other girls. Whilst it may seem that you will never like someone else the way you like her, it definitely will happen.

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    • That's the thing. I asked her why he wants to speak to me and she tells she doesn't know. I'm guessing it's because he wants to tell me to cut contact with her.

      Anyway I chose not to (which seems to have been the best option) and I'm currently forcing myself to get over her. What's helping is that I'm to see another girl in Paris in a month. She's something special, I've known her for 2 years and she seems to be more lenient than my ex who only wanted her own selfish happiness.

What Guys Said 2

  • Dude, you'd better pay attention to what she'll telling you or this is going to get ugly.

    Quite clearly her telling you she couldn't go to the park with you was a blow off, then she tells her Boyfriend and he says "let me talk to him, I'll make it clear". Her last comments to you should be plain as day - she doesn't want you anymore.

    You've got to accept this: it's over. Here is nothing you can do to fix this and the more that you try the worse things will become. You'll end up in fist fights with her new BF, things could escalate to the point where someone gets badly hurt - very likely you.

    I would bet that you feel like your heart was ripped out of your chest. I bet it hurts to breathe, that you can't think without remembering something to do with her. This is normal, it has happened to all of us at one time or another.

    A real fast way to deal with grief is to let the next stage in the grieving process happen: anger. Get mad, get furious, let your hatred of this miserable twit burn. Write a paper letter to her that details what a miserable rotten person she is for messing up your life so badly. Go on at length about every little thing she's ever done to mistreat you, put it all down, leave out nothing. And when you're finished, take it out of doors and burn it.

    Above all, block her out of your life. Unfriend her, take her number out of your phone, delete all of her emails, wipe her out of your life. Pack anything of hers that you have and send it to her. If nothing else, you'll make her think that she wasn't such a big deal to you after all, it might deflate her pride a bit.

    I know you don't want to hear this, but you should be grateful that she cut you off cleanly, that she wasn't running around on you or treating you badly to prep you for a break-up. You should return the favor by not continuing to harass her.

    You will get over this, you will come out stronger and wiser. Grit your teeth and go out for a drink with your mates, you'll start to feel better soon.

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    • "Badly hurt" as in physical or emotional? If you're on about physical I've done 5 years of Mwai tai and know how to defend myself.

      On another note, I've fallen out with my ex (thank god) she's turning into a demon worse than I've ever seen before. But I go to see a very attractive (cute) girl in Paris soon and that will surely take my mind off the b*tch,

      I'm just hoping she doesn't try and contact me when her current boyfriend leaves to Italy. Piece of crap.

    • I appreciate your skill in martial arts, I learned plenty as an Airborne Infantryman, but a club aside the head when you're not expecting it trumps any martial skill there is.

      My jealousy at your time in Paris is burning a hole in me. French girls are lovely. Go find yourself in the arms of some sweet Parisian princess and if she calls, don't get out of bed but do turn on the camera and let her know how much you care. ;)

    • ;) Thanks mate.

  • You have to face the fact that she's gone for good now. Being with someone else..well, look at I tpositively, that removes any doubt about whether she's serious about ending your time together!

    And she was driving the point home by asking you to contact the new guy! That was worse than a slap in the face.

    You don't have to wonder what her intentions are! Her bad language to boot!

    The only thing yu can do is cut off all contact with her. That may sound harsh, but no contact will stop you from obsessing about her as you have been doing, and get you on the road to meeting someone new as well.

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