i was set up with a guy who is friends with my family. he seems like a nice guy and I think he and I are a good match. 6 months ago I got out of a long relationship and I am still healing. I don't want to jump into anything but I am very interested in this guy as a boyfriend. I think once we see each other more I will trust him and be able let my guard down. but now is the problem. I am a very private guarded person normally, but this last guy did a number on me and I know I have issues from that on top of all that. I don't want to seem like damaged goods or not over my ex. because I totally am over him, just not with what he did. I am very scared to go through that hurt again and I will always be. how can I give this new guy a little heads up that he will just have to be patient. he knows from my family about my ex and that he wasn't a good guy and he even brought it up on our first date. it was very casual, "didnt hear good things about the last guy.." I just said I wouldn't expect you to, he was a jerk, and told him just a little of how we broke up. we've seen each other 3 times since he got my number and we talk everyday so I'm thinking he wants to stick around longer (I hope I'm right, I've been fooled before). I like him so I don't want him to think I'm just not interested or something. should I just keep it to myself or try to explain why I'm going to take it slow?
How to tell a guy you really like you are scared to get hurt?
What Guys Said 1
why do girls assume we want to know these things? not to seem like an arrogant little sh*t who doesn't give a sh*t, but seriously? if he is interested in you then by the sounds of it he IS taking it slow. so slow that you rnot even sure if he's interested.
and on that basis he's already beating the other guy. if you want to take it slow , DO THAT. you don't have to have that conversation just take things as they come rather than trying to force it into a way you want it. if it doesn't work out then oh well it diddnt work out
but guys don't want that conversation, it only leads to "im so glad you listened"..."your always there for me"..."your such a nice guy"..."your like my best friend"... "why did I go out with that other guy AGAIN" etc etc etc etc
you want people to understand you? and how your feeling? well if your a giraffe with giraffe problems why would you talk to a zebra, they just won't get it0
What Girls Said 1
How to tell a guy you like that you're scared to get hurt? ... DON'T
At least, don't draw a vivid parallel to your past relationship. This kind of conversation leads directly into a depressing (for him) monologue about your dating history. It is never a good idea to bring an ex into a brand new relationship, particularly if you are trying to move on. I can guarantee, he won't want to hear it.
If you're over your ex, be over him!
All the stuff you're talking about is emotional mumbo-jumbo that makes a bunch of sense in your own head, but will be totally lost on him...even if you explain what you are thinking perfectly. Guys don't think like that, even if he seems really sensitive.
He doesn't need a heads up, because he already knows all he needs to know about your previous relationship: that it was bad, that it had a negative impact on you, and you probably have some buttons he shouldn't push.
Furthermore, he has NOT said anything yet that has clearly indicated his interest in starting a relationship with you! I think this is pretty promising given that he is trying to bond with you over rehashing your last relationship, but if you go and assume that he's interested, it will only be awkward (possibly hurtful) for you when he rejects your assumption. And he will reject you even if he is interested, because you will have taking too aggressive a role that may make him feel less masculine.
- Make sure he's interested in you
- Only explain why you are taking things slow if he directly confronts you about it
- You are not obligated to explain anything
- If you feel that you must explain, explain as briefly as possible
- Do not go into too many details
Speak in terms of specific actions he should avoid rather than nebulous statements like "I am still healing, and you will need to be patient", because he will have no idea what that means in terms of if he can ask you out on a date, attempt to kiss you, or ask to be your boyfriend or not. Be action oriented and specific!
Hope that helps! Sorry about your last break-up; sounds nasty. I hope your next one is much better :)0
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