I want to move to a new state...but I am in love with someone here.

I want to move to Seattle in August. I have very few ties here but there is one person that I just can't move on from. He is my ex boyfriend, I am still in love with him and we are still extremely good friends. We sometimes hook up, I would date him again in a heart beat but he says that he doesn't want to date anyone right now.

I know that I shouldn't let him hold me back, but the thought of leaving him kills me. He is literally the only thing that makes me want to stay here. I just don't know how to make myself leave.

Any advice? This is weighing so heavily on my mind.
Updates:
To those who say he is using me...I initiate hook ups sometimes too. He didn't have to talk me into it. I guess I just felt like it was better to have some of him than none of him.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • You need to have no contact with him until you are over him. I would say that moving away from him would be really good for your self esteem. Right now you are just his little plaything, and that speaks poorly about your self worth. You really need to cut him out of your life completely.

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What Guys Said 6

  • Move

    It's a no-no when it comes to exes, you're just hurting yourself and he's just using you, can't you see it?

    He's abusing the situation because he knows how desperate are you for him. Don't be so cruel to yourself, do you seriously think that having only "some part" of someone is all you're good for?

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  • I'd say you'd be healthier without him in your life in the long run.. It may be very tough now but you will eventually love again. He doesn't seem to want what you want and seems to be stringing you along which isn't fair to you. I've always wanted to live in Seattle.. I heard it was expensive! :P

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  • He doesn't want a relationship yet he's happy to hook up with you at his convenience. Stop being used girl and get on with your life.

    Youd be surprised how quickly you forget about someone if you have no contact with them.

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    • Just because you initiate doesn't mean he isn't using you. You're doing it because you want to be close to him and as you said, something is better than nothing.

      This 'dellusion' isn't helping you, hell its making your feelings for him worse. If he wasn't using you and cared to some extent he'd break it off. But he doesn't and he just wants a shag.

  • If you're not used to the rain, don't got to Seattle in the fall, especially if this situation could potentially cause you depression. I had to move out of the Northwest because the constant gray sky gave me terrible depression, and situations involving breakups were so much worse under a rainy day.

    Anyhow, if you want to go to Seattle do it for yourself. If he doesn't share the same feelings you have for him, then you're just wasting precious time.

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  • Quit being used and get on with your life, don't just be his toy. Move away and start fresh somewhere else if you really want to.

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  • You initiate it as well because you love him. I was in a similar situation to you when I was with this girl. I was never into her but because I knew she had feelings for me and she said she loved me I would play on it and get what I wanted from it. I never liked her so it was so wrong of me so I made a decision over Christmas that I was being a complete d**k so I decided enough was enough. its so wrong to play with people's emotions which he's clearly doing. and you maybe scared of letting it go and moving on with your life cause you're scared of not finding someone else. and what you have is comfortable. break out of that, and my advice to you is move but before you do move you're gonna have to say bye and let it go. You just don't know what will happen when you move and you could be meet the person you are to marry within a couple of years. don't let anyone hold you back.

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What Girls Said 2

  • but how do you have some of him when he clearly doesn't want a relationship..what you are doing is setting yourself up for disappointment because he is technically single and if he meets someone else and hooks up with them ,there's nothing you can say or do to change that..i think the best thing to do is move and let him miss u...don't stay for him,u will end up hurt, plus you are making it easier for him to break ties by weaning him off instead of cutting him off cold..do it for yourself .

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  • I had those similar situations with you as well. its better leave so you will get hurt less.

    If boys say that they don't want to date anyone yet, that's a lie. It means that they're just waiting/seeking a new girl to chase with while still be able to get benefit from you.

    I was stupid enough too til my ex is chasing a girl recently and still hook up with me sometimes as it isn't going well. The hard part is hearing how he cares about her and tries every possibility to get her... that really was a heart broken moment to hear these and he acted like a decent man who tells me all the truth..

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