My partner and I have recently split,i walked out due to our trust issues, thinking if I took a step out we could sort our problems but he has decided to end it completely. I am distraught over this as he is all I have ever known and want. Will he change his mind about us in time?
I was 17 when I met my now ex partner, he was 23, it started off amazing and I soon fell pregnant with our son, we bought a house together and things were fantastic until I received a text from an old boyfriend - the convo got flirty and my boyfriend saw the txts. We argued, I apologized and cut contact from the old boyfriend, we decided to carry on the relationship as we were in love and put this behind us. Things were fantastic from then on we were best friends and the perfect family. Few years later and we bought a new house, his business boomed, but with this came added stress which he eased by going out drinking with friends at weekends. I also had few nights out with the girls but one night I regret more than others- had falling out with a friend and ended up quite drunk a friend of my partner came to say Hi and bought me a drink, before I realized what I was doing I had kissed him! Hands up I am completely to blame, my mistake, no excuses!
When I got home I told my partner. I have always been honest with him. He was extremely upset and angry and I knew how much I hurt him. We survived through this but the trust had started to slump. 2 years later I fell pregnant with our daughter.he is a great dad. I gave up work to become a fulltime mum. Life couldn't get any better I thought but that's when the cracks properly surfaced.
The odd occasion he went out with his friends he would stay out all night no calls or text or replys to mine. one night he stayed out a payment for a hotel had appeared on his card statement but he swears he let his friend borrow it. Another night we went out together to a local club where we met people he once new when younger including a girl- he told he fancied her for ages (in front of me) I was shocked but tried to brush it off due to him being drunk. My main problem was him stayin out all night as it got more and more frequent. He would come home in a total drunken mess and said he was with mates all night jst drinking and playing cards. Which I do believe but started to doubt every so often, I threatened to leave a few times as he knew how much this upset me and he'd beg me not to, things were great for a few weeks then go bk 2 square one! We would argue & the past would be brought up. Constant cycle. He blames my mistakes for turning him like this, getting me back for hurting him.
3 wks ago I decided to move myself and kids to my mums after he failed to come home & turned fone off yet again. I thought we could talk maybe start afresh after we tried to resolve the trust issues, I even suggested relationship counciling. I have gave up everything for him but now he doesn't want to try (not even for the kids sake, 7& 2). Will space and time change his mind
Most Helpful Guy
He feels like you broke his trust, and he is afraid to trust his heart to you again. It sounds like he was so afraid of being hurt that he started pushing you away and throwing up obstacles in your path (other women, etc.).
It might be possible to fix this, but he has to WANT to fix it. If he doesn't want to, then there's nothing you can really do. If he's willing, then you MUST get relationship counselling, and you MUST be completely honest with each other, and tell each other EVERYTHING, no matter how much it hurts at first. You can only fix things if you know the whole, full, ugly truth, and can accept that and deal with it. It's really up to him if he can handle that or not, or even wants to. It *might* help to talk to him and let him know that you accept the fact that you broke his trust and hurt him badly, and don't blame him for being upset. To have a chance, you have to break down the barriers between you, and that's the biggest one. He has some blame too, but it is not YOUR place to tell him that; the relationship counsellor will help him see where his blame lies. In order to get him there, he has to believe that you are truly sorry and accept your role in what happened (and as you admit yourself, you *did* set things in motion).
Obviously you were very young and likely very inexperienced with relationships when you got together, so you didn't have time to learn this, but in a relationship, trust is the fragile keystone that holds everything together and makes things work. You must treat trust like you'd treat a delicate and fragile glass flower, because if you break it, it's almost impossible to repair it.
As I said, it's really up to him, but your best shot is to talk to him and accept responsibility and show him how sorry you are, how hurt you are to lose him, and how much you are willing to give to get a last opportunity to fix this.1