I don't really know what to do from here. Advice?

I've kind of got myself cornered. There is this guy who I've been fond of for quite a long time and every time I'm around him I just feel like I want to scream. I just want to tell him how I feel, but for whatever reason there is something in the back of my head preventing me from doing so.

This could possibly be because of the fact that he just got out of a bad relationship about a month ago. If the feeling is mutual I'm pretty sure that he won't approach me about it because I know that he has lost a lot of confidence as a result of his recent break up.

I'm painfully aware of the fact that if I want anything to happen between us I'm the one that has to initiate it. I have absolutely no idea where to begin. We're both very introverted and quiet, which makes it slightly more difficult for things to get started. There is also a very strange relationship between the two of us. We rarely speak, which probably sounds ridiculous, but the little time we spend together consists of minimal conversation and a lot of pregnant silence. I get the vibe that he wants to say something, but he never does. At this point he probably thinks that I dislike him, which is probably a big reason why I haven't said anything. I'm worried he's going to be incredibly taken back and freaked out. One of my biggest flaws is that I'm embarrassingly bad at expressing my emotions and I also get really nervous when I'm around him. Despite this I've already decided that I want to tell him. I don't have a lot of time left because I'm leaving on a two month trip soon and will not have access to the Internet or phones.

Any advice or anecdotes will be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance!


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What Guys Said 1

  • well my advice is two fold:

    1) guys like girls (in almost all cases): what this means is that any heterosexual male is looking for a woman, to share things with, to love, the fight for, to be supported by...yada yada yada. Sounds cliché but it's true at some basic level (unless there's some super traumatic experience that fundamentally changes them). SO... the take away is that even though he may have been in a bad breakup, somewhere deep down he wants to love and be loved.

    2) guys who get out of "bad relationships" are messed up sometimes: what this means is that he may need sometime to return to being himself, to having a strong personal identity and believing in himself. men with weak personal identities and who don't believe in themselves ofter jump into relationships too soon (rebound) after a break up because they can't deal with being alone very well.

    Now mix those two contrasting sides together and you are faced with a decision, and either one is a risk. (A) break the ice and go for it at the risk of messing up what friendship you have if he doesn't reciprocate / he isn't ready... or (B) do nothing and wait for what may be a better time at the risk of nothing happening and never knowing if he does or would feel the same way.

    My personal advice is to gauge if he's ready for a relationship, or for the careful, patient, considerate start of a relationship. if he is, just talk to him, let him know how you feel. Considering the time constraint of you leaving town, now is better than after. I've always been excited by a girl who can let me know how she feels and takes that risk. Most guys are. However, if he doesn't look ready to move into a new relationship, just wait and be the best friend you can so he feels he can trust you with everything.

    make sense?


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