Girl's ex committed suicide...do I tell her?

So to quickly cover the story, I went to school with these two people (guy and a girl). The two had a thing for each other and eventually got together. Neither one was like the "normal" person and it was the first relationship they had in a while. Flash forward to the end, and the girl ended the relationship pretty suddenly and admittedly for some selfish reasons. She went from being really into him and everything, to basically living her life as if she never met him.

He struggled with this for a while up until a few days ago when we found out he took his own life. She doesn't know because she moved away and so now I'm in a pickle. I'm a bit stunned by all this happening, and I'm not sure if she should know about it or not. She lives far enough away to where if she might never find out otherwise.

So GAG, is ignorance bliss in this situation?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Well on one hand I wouldn't feel like its my place to tell her and if she moved on assuming she didn't care about him when he was around (because of the abrupt breakup but I have no way of knowing them or their feelings and so on)... how genuinely could she care that he is gone... sorry if that sounds harsh. Plus she may feel some guilt like she is to blame because of ending the relationship or whatever was going on between them. But we have no way of knowing all that he was feelings or his exact reasons.

    On the other hand if you are friends with her, I personally would want my friend to tell me something like that. Especially if it was about someone I truly cared about and had a relationship with.

    I guess just think about if you were in her position if you would want to be told or not. You know more about them, the relationship, and so many other important details than anyone here does. Sorry if I'm not very helpful here.

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What Girls Said 2

  • How is it selfish to break up if you aren't into the person anymore? Feelings fade, or you find out the person isn't who you thought he was. It happens.

    And sure I feel really bad for him, but it isn't her fault he committed suicide. Normal people don't commit suicide after a breakup. They may have some neuroses, get over them, and move on.

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  • bring it up only when necessary.

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    • I have the means to contact her, I just don't talk to her much. So you think I should just leave it be?

What Guys Said 5

  • I wouldn't tell her. It's not her fault he wasn't able to handle a break up, that's part of life. Telling her that is only going to cause her mental anguish, and might cause issues in future relationships.

    If she asks about him, that's another matter, but there's no point in bringing up the past if she's already moved on.

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  • If she's really 'moved on', not only physically, but emotionally, and views this epidsode as just a high school crush, there'sno reason to burden her wih this news. Why make her feel guilty, when it sounds like she has nothing to feel guilty about?

    I mean, I['m not sure what you mean by 'selfish' reasons. Aren't all break-ups due to what you could call 'selfish' reasons?

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  • If you are feeling a burden by NOT telling her - do whatever to relieve it. Because it is definitely not your job to be stuck with it.

    If you are not feeling a burden by NOT telling her - Don't tell her, as it might burden her. However 'tough' she might seem to act.

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  • Don't tell her

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  • Tell her.

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