He moved out, we're still together.. can it work?

sorry, this is a little long, but any advice please!

My guy and I have been together 14 months, we are both 30 years old. We moved very fast in the beginning. He moved in with me, I own my own home (small), after only 5 months. We were always together, he was always sleeping over, so we figured why not?! Yeah, I know, stupid idea. Everything was great for about 5 months, then we began having more and more fights. Fights that were so pointless and stupid. We've always been able to recover from them but the past month its just gotten harder. We sat down and had a serious talk about the direction of things. We both agreed that we had issues of our own that needed attention, and also relationship issues we needed to work on. So things were good for a month, then it went back to the fighting. Again we had a talk and agreed mutually that he should move out (back to his friends house, 20 min away).

Our biggest problem was that we were together 24/7, he was never seeing his friends, I never got the alone time I craved, so moving apart was the best choice. It has been about 2 weeks since he moved. he's spending time with friends and family. I'm getting my space, and starting up a new business. I think living apart will make us stronger. It'll give us time to miss each other, and make us want to spend time together without arguing. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, right? I'm already missing him and wanting to see him. I'm also questioning our decision to live apart. I blamed myself at first because I was pushing him away, I just wanted some time to myself. The house is so small, we were aways in each others faces. I did explain all this to him and he reassured me it wasn't my fault, that it takes 2 to make things work and keep a relationship going. He admitted to finding faults on his part as well. Its like we are agreeing on more things now.

He's been very honest and open with me about his feelings and that he loves and wants us to be together. I'm just hoping this distance can help us reconnect. And hopefully down the road we can get a bigger place together were we can start a family.

We were still talking and texting every day up until yesterday, out of nowhere he just shut down, he doesn't think we should talk right now, he wants to really give me space and let me settle into living alone, even though I told him I wanted to hang out this weekend and that I miss him. he went from sending me sweet loving texts and calling me to no contact. I don't get it. I didn't do anything to push him to this. I feel like he's throwing it in my face that I wanted space. so I asked if I'm still his girlfriend and he said yes, but he wanted to give me time. I was an emotional mess and said everything is all my fault and I regretted him moving out, it turned pretty emotional. and we ended our phone conversation both crying and me so confused.

my question/ questions...

can a relationship survive after taking a step back like this?

if a man is truly in love with a woman, she is his everything, would he just give up in a situation like this?

is this just as hard on him as it is on me? I feel like I've made the biggest mistake in my life


Most Helpful Guy

  • While you didn't ask a question, you didn't have to, and you should just relax.

    Give it 4 days. Send him one text everyday for those 4 days. On the 5th day if he does not respond send him a text saying you will not send one until he responds to any of the previous days.

    There's a method to the madness. Perhaps he is also acclimating to living alone.

    • How long ago did he move out?

    • Show All
    • i've told him how I feel and that I know I shouldn't have let him leave... I'm stubborn and was being selfish. I am leaving for a week on Tuesday to visit family... I'm going to try to give him time and space while I'm gone. maybe he will be ready for a good long talk when I get back

    • Sounds like a plan.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • 1. There isn't a step back.

    2. Relax. No one gave up on anything you're just being an emotional wreck.

    3. Probably not.

    • the step back was his moving out. thought it was mutually agreed on. and there's regrets on both sides.. its still a step back in a relationship

    • Show All
    • i like your thinking about that, wish he thought that way too. he's the one that said it was a step back

    • Oh he was emotional. Just slap some sense into him.

  • Yes, it will work out.


What Girls Said 2

  • you weren t getting your needs met,so why regret it,u will find someone who fills that void

    • the only thing I ever asked for was a night or 2 to myself, for him to go out with his friends a night here and there... it blew up in my face apparently..

      this man has given me everything I want in a relationship. his need for always wanting to be with me was my only problem. I regret not talking it out before he left.

  • I think he met someone

    • i thought this too, but we have mutual friends and when he's not working, he's with them. they know the situation, and say he's not seeing anyone.

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    • the only thing that my friends have told me is that he's been talking to his older brother about our situation... he's brother has given us both advice before we moved in together, and we both look up to him. I'm thinking he's tell him to do this

    • ok then he needs to realize in order for a relationship to work there has to be individual time as well,u are not asking for much,he needs to be understanding

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