I like her, she likes me...but I'm not bad enough?

Okay, so here's the situation:

I liked my best female friend for awhile and I finally told her in April. She is a wonderful girl and I fell for her, hook, like and sinker. We spend so much time together and enjoy each others' company a lot.

I took her rejection extremely hard, but as usual, I internalized it. I repressed it as deeply as I could and moved on with my life. We stayed as close as we were before, which I enjoyed very much. Recently, though, the feelings burst back into my consciousness and it's been keeping me awake at night.

I think the stimulus is that although she knows and hates that she does this, she tends to run toward the jerks. Now, she's trying to get back with her ex who treated her like crap. Yes, I'm a tad jealous, but the more difficult issue is that now I have to watch her knowingly go into a relationship she knows is bad for her and get hurt again. She's too good a person for that.

She confessed to me to me this morning that when I told her I liked her, she did like me, but she has stronger feelings toward her ex than toward me. Now, before you call me to sweet and nice, I have a good balance. I'm a hard worker, successful and can be aggressive with my friends [and enemies], but I also have that sweet side, am a good listener and an understanding and compassionate individual.

How do I deal with this? She likes me, but now enough and I now I have to watch her go into a bad relationship and get hurt [again]? It pains me to see her go through that and I know she needs to learn on her own, but it frustrates me so much to not be able to do anything in this situation. Plus, my feelings for her are extremely strong (very rare for me). I know not to overstep my boundaries, plus my ethics and morals are too strong to do anything stupid, but I need to battle these feelings head on. Any advice?


Most Helpful Girl

  • There's nothing you can really do. You've told her, twice, and she still prefers her ex. I think that if it's huting you, you should be a little less around her. Let her go back with the douches as many times she wants, and, while that, you try to forget her and see other people. Eventually, she will miss you and see you are the one she needs and wants, and not those douches. She just need to get a little more mature mentally. And then, IF you (who seems to be a great guy and party) are still available and loving her, then you can try going on a relationship.


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What Girls Said 1

  • id say let go go back so she finally gets through her head that her ex is a douche bag..u should disappear during this time,u have been in friend zone long enough,so losing you would be devastating to her ..she will get with him,he will do the same sh*t and she will finally realize how she feels about you,when you are gone,she can not miss you if you are not gone...it will be tough but I think you will win her over in the long run by going no contact.

    • I'm working as a behavior specialist at a sleep away camp for kids with disabilities and will have minimal contact with the outside world anyway. Will that work? Also, since I'm not a girl and I have a tough time someone's in figuring out what goes throug a girl's mind, can you explain what you're saying a little more in depth so I don't screw this up?

    • ok yes that camp get away will be a good start..what I am saying is she already knows the history with her ex,if she goes back hoping he is going to be a different person she is in for a big surprise,it will end eventually..what she needs to se is that the one other person who loves her(you) may have left her forever and at that point(when she breaks up with ex)she will be desperately seeking u..at that point you tell her , you can not stay in friend zone with her anymore,it is too painful

What Guys Said 2

  • You should try to ask her out.

    • Already did. Friend zoned because I care. For girls around my age, it always seems to be more about the chase than anything else.

  • She doesn't really 'like' you, she says that because she thinks it is the only way for her to keep your attention.

    She has self-esteem issues and equates the rush she gets from attention with happiness.

    Bottom line, don't be an enabler. If she goes back to him and starts bitching about him change the subject or flat out tell her you don't want to hear it.

    Anyways, she sounds like the type who manipulates boys easily.

    Let me guess, she LOVES male attention.

    Be a man instead of a boy and chase women instead of girls.


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