My ex hubby...what is he thinking?

Ok try to make this short and sweet..we married in 1995..we were both really young in our early 20"s...divorced in 1998 he was abusive and had a drug problem. I did not speak to him for 12 yrs. talked again for the first time in 2009 online. He told me he had his own business and was straight and used no drugs. He had totally changed his life around. He flew me to see him in 2010. We still had a major spark and he confessed he never stopped loving me or looking for me. He hired 2 private investigaters to find me. We married again but divorced 4 months later. Went to fast and he has a child he is close with his son is 3 years old. The mother is out of her mind and when she found out we were married she flipped her lid literally! Stopped letting him see his son, harrassed us constantly and way she could...it was to much for our brand new kindled romance to take. BUT we kept in contact and I JUST moved back to where he lives but on my own this time. He texts/calls me ALL the time. Wanting to do things together, I have not gone out with him at all at this point, telling me he is not feeling well, just keeping me posted on every aspect of his life! What he is doing? Why won't he just let me go? He used to ALL WAYS say we were soul mates...is he obsessed? This does not seem like normal divorced man behavior to me? Oh and to let you know, did not move back here for him..this is where my family is and the area I grew up in, he just happens to be here also.
Updates:
want to say also the crazy ex baby momma looks so much like me she could be my sister...

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Whether he's obsessed or not, it seems like he never got over you. That's not really surprising given that you were married twice. It's not that unusual. I've known lots of people who are still hung up on an ex even after marrying someone else. Thinking that getting back together will work THIS time is a fantasy for most men and women who think like that. He might never get completely over it. In any case, it seems unlikely that he could manage being just friends with you.

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    • no he can't manage being just friends...hence me not wanting to make face to face contact with him

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What Guys Said 1

  • He could be obsessed. It happens. Where you his first romance and marriage? However, seeing as he clearly had some sort of other relationship that resulted in a child, I don't think obsession is the diagnosis here.

    I come more to believing that you are comfortable to him. You are familiar. You are someone who knows him at his worst and yet still accepts him and shows him some attention. If he is dealing with the crazy mother, he may be more in need of a friend than anything else. Just someone to listen and to vent to. A lot of times men don't openly say they need to talk about things. They just thrust it upon people.

    Does he always talk about getting back together or are a lot of his text just the day-to-day aspects?

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    • his texts are mixed...some times daily sometimes back together talk. He met me at the grocery store 3 towns away just to say hi today. WAY out of his way! we talked and shopped and went our separate ways..wtf?

    • Yeah, I don't think it is obsession. He just knows you and you are someone convenient to turn to. He is probably thinking what woman is going to accept him now that he has a kid and baby mama drama. But he knows you will because you've already talked with him and that spark was still there.

      What you need to decide is if indeed that spark is still there and how far you want to pursue this. If you want to go for it, then go for it. If not, then you need let him know you just want to be friends.

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