My girlfriend and I broke up a week ago. She seems confused. What do I do?

My ex-girlfriend and I were living together for 3 years. But recently we broke up(she initiated it) because we were fighting a lot and we pretty much grew a bit distant between each other. So she moved out back to her parents house.

She recently came to pick up the rest of stuff from my house and we got talking to each other. Apparently she feels emotionally spent but she sees how things that were bothering her about me, have changed in a good way, which has made her begin to question whether she made the right choice.

So I said to her I'm confused about what she is saying, then she said "she doesn't want to get back together" and she says she knows that I wasn't thinking of getting back together either(so she doesn't think I'm just waiting for us to get back together).

However, I am thinking maybe I do want us to try again. But obviously right now its only been a week since we broke up. We also haven't really been messaging each other at all since.

So girls what should I do if I did want to try again with my ex-girlfriend. How many weeks should I wait until contacting them again and if I do what do I say or do?

I'm just afraid though that in the time between she will basically become physically intimate with someone and then I don't know if I could take her back. It sounds stupid I know, but it's just been so recent that we broke up.

So judging from what I've told you, how do I proceed from here if I want us to try again? If there is any further information you need please let me know.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Distance makes the heart grow fonder and the grass is always greener on the other side. When you're together, you think you'd be better apart and when you're apart you wonder why you're not together.

    Save both yourselves a lot of time and heartache by accepting this break-up for what it is, a break. Don't just jump back into the relationship after only a week apart. It may be a good sign that you miss her, but it doesn't mean that you won't end up right back where you started if you get back together again. I think the best way to know if you can't live without someone, is to actually try living with out them. Meet once to discuss this. Tell her all your feelings honestly, but that you are also confused and don't want to back-peddal in your relationship, but in order to move forward something has to change. Then ask her to agree to no communication for 30 days. If after 30 days you both still want to be together, then you have your answer. and don't spend the 30 days pining and staring at your phone. Give it an honest effort. Really try to embrace what your life would be like without her. After 30 days you should have your answer.

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What Girls Said 10

  • You two need to talk things through.

    - my boyfriend and I were fighting constantly, and we almost fell apart, but it was mostly because our relationship was growing to be a bit 'bored' shall we say.. I think you should let some time pass, decide when you should talk about it and if you get back together, and then I think you should, you know, surprise her, spice things up, just to keep the relationship renewed :)

    That's how I did, you should always come up with something new, and if you lack creativity, well.. there's the internet :D

    You can just search for some ideas on how to surprise her, or good dinner plans, and ofcourse, the MOST important.. Keep your intimate life good, because nothing's better than a good orgasam ;)

    But, ofcourse, if that doesn't work, you be a gentleman and respect her wishes :)

    And, piece of advice, this is a fact: the more you ignore her, the more she'll want you :)

    Because that's how women are, they basically run after something they can't have, but don't we all? :D

    Best of luck, buddy, hope you two get back on the track :)

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  • Give it a few weeks, then text her a bit and see where the interest lies. If you hit off well and she has not made a commitment to anyone else, I'd say work with it and see where it goes.

    You guys were together for a long time, and even lived together. That's something that can't be forgotten or replaced quickly. If she is confused, it is likely crossing her mind and in the time alone she can think about it and come to a conclusion for herself.

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  • Try to initiate a get together where you can just hang out, and do not bring up getting back together. Hang out like this for a while, and then you can voice your thought about getting back together. Also, be supportive of her decisions, if she just blatantly rejects you, still attempt to be friends with her, and try to come to a compromise. I sincerely hope I have provided some help! Best of luck!

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  • I would maintain light contact with her so she doesn't think you've moved on. Maybe tell her you miss her or think about her. If something during the day reminds you of a funny time you had with her you might mention it. I would give it a month. Then I would maybe ask her to a date.

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  • Call her in the middle of the night and tell her you want her back. Don't put any commitment words into it yet but. This could spice things up and in turn fix the relationship. Sex because you can't stand to be apart from someone is so much more. Keep it as living separately and date again. But not too long or she'll think your lying. She thinks the relationship was bringing you down and that's why you've changed. You need to tell her its because you want her back. And yes she will become intimate with someone else if you don't hurry up. Sounds like she was right, you just need a good kick up the bum. She does want to try again, she just needs you to make a long term effort to keep a good thing...

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  • I'd like to ask, IF you two tried again, do you think that you would end up doing things differently in the long run because of the separation? Do you really?

    Because if you don't, you'll just end up breaking up again later on.

    If you think things will go better, tell her now! There are no rules for this. Let her know how you feel, she'll never know if you don't tell her ;) Just make sure that you also tell her that you understand that she's hesitant to start over so soon, and that you just want her to know so there'll be no misunderstandings. Go back to the courting stage, eyy ;) Try and get her to go on a date, and if she doesn't want that back off for a week or two and try again. Good Luck!

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    • Yes I do. I have actually thought long and hard about it. A lot of the things that were continued for such a long time because there was very little communication in the relationship. She also said that considering how things have gotten better now, if they were the same a couple of months ago that perhaps we wouldn't be broken up. I do want to tell her now, but I've been told I should wait a like 2 weeks or so before doing it to let things settle and also to let her emotional reserves recover.

    • *Sorry I meant that - a lot of the bad things that were causing us to become distant was almost entirely due to miscommunication.

      She also said "that she does not want to get back together" despite saying things that make me think otherwise like the things I have mentioned in the question. I'm afraid to ask her now, because its only been a week after the break up, so its small amount of time for her to think about things that happened, miss me etc otherwise if I ask her now she will say no.

    • "she should have time to miss you" is what I'd call manipulation and bad advice. "she needs time to calm down", well yes, but if you do what I said in the first post you are giving her space AND putting all the cards on the table. I'm not saying you should ask her to move back with you (which is probably a bad idea), but to tell her how you feel! You said your problem was communication, then I'd say you REALLY need to communicate now!

  • she hates living with her mom... doesn't have a better option. Let her live with her decision... don't take her back.

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  • I think you should move on and don't let her come too easily.

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  • Give her some space.

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  • You're confused about what she's saying because SHE'S likely confused about what she wants. Let her know that you want to try to work things out, but that you also think you both need time to cool off. Like madhatters said, it's only been a week...emotions are going to be rampant and may muddle your thinking.

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What Guys Said 5

  • Do you really seriously believe things can improve in a permanent way in the course of one week that you've been broken up? Especially given you were broken up and the issue in the relationship was lack of communication?

    I think what is really at play is you miss her and/or the other way around, physically and emotionally. As soon as you get together you'd be back to old problems.

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  • If she's physically intimate with someone else over the course of a few weeks, she wasn't that into you in the first place.

    She said she doesn't want to get back together. I'd take her at her word.

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  • Maybe she honestly did have a change of heart, but she can't really know for sure until she gets back together with you. It sounds like she's questioning her decision and is confused, and that's normal. If you really think it might work, why don't you try getting back together. Make some agreement with her. If things work out, then that's good, and if things don't work out, then you can break up again.

    Just talk to her about how you can improve, and hopefully, she'll tell you how much she can improve. Relationships take two to fix it.

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  • after only a few weeks of being broken up (after having dated for 3 years) it's hard for people to really get a clear perspective. The emotions are going to be mixed, so right now she may be feeling as though there is some way to fix things and a week later she may feel differently...you will probably feel the same way.

    I don't think you should concern yourself with her being intimate with someone else and you certainly shouldn't let that be the reason that you go try and get her back.

    Your reasons for getting back together should be solely because you believe you love her, want to be with her and feel as though whatever issues led to the break up are fixable.

    If you legitimately want to try again, sit down and discuss that with her. Tell you understand that you may not be able to reconcile at the snap of a finger but maybe simply explain that you aren't sure that the break up was the best thing and you do wonder if there the relationship could be saved

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  • Don't get back with her again. You borke up because you were fighting a lot and it's a sign of incompatibility.

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