When a man cheats, why is the other woman usually the one who is blamed?

I don't understand this...

First of all, men lie. There's a good chance she's under the impression he's not married or the marriage/relationship is over.

Secondly, presumably the other woman doesn't even know the wife/gf. Why is the onus on her to respect the marriage/relationship when the man is clearly choosing not to?

The man made vows or commitment to another woman and the other woman did not. The only one in breach of those is the man but it's usually the woman who is blamed.

If a guy is going to cheat, he's going to cheat; it doesn't matter who the woman is.

Obviously if the two women are friends it's completely wrong...

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Most Helpful Guy

  • The thing is that a lot of mistresses know that the man has a wife/gf. Not every time obviously, but I'd say even then, I think they are kind of stupid for it. They kind of avoid seeing the truth.

    Anyway, when they know, they should be blamed just as much as the husband. Helping someone to cheat is just as bad as cheating itself. It's being an accomplice. It's funny how some people rationalize it like they are doing nothing wrong when they clearly are. "They are just going to do it anyway" is not a good excuse at all.

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What Guys Said 6

  • Don't get me wrong, the person in a relationship (guy or girl) is to blame for cheating. Definitely.

    But a decent human being wouldn't interfere in an ongoing relationship. If you don't know, it's a different story, but if you are deliberately enabling cheating you are no better than the one you are enabling.

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  • Knowingly being other other person takes the same undesirable traits ( sneaky, deceitful, manipulative ) as being the cheater. So, they are both douche bags. It is for this reason, I truly hope there is a hell.

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  • There is a lot of situational things to take into account, as you say, but people often judge without getting all the information (which is bad in general, but people are retarded so it happens anyway, ok?)

    Basically, it works like this on the shallow surface-

    If a woman steals a man from a woman, there will be some emotional rage and possibly a catfight.

    If a man steals a woman from another man, the wronged man is going to send the other one to the f***ing morgue.

    Consequences, my dear, consequences. The party with the least consequences is always more to blame from an outsider point of view, because the party with the most consequences has their justice built-in.

    And ofc cheating is wrong no matter the gender, lying, not knowing, enabling, are all concepts surrounding its ethics -- I'm just trying to explain the "vibe" you are probably getting from somewhere.

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  • It's the woman who's being blamed since society makes it sure that the guy always has his way.

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  • because men want to bone more. monogamous relationships are for a womens benefit and it used to be that everybody in a society agreed to try and keep things monogamous. now we are reverting to more of an animalistic form of mating. this is because of women so women are to blame

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    • Yeah! F***these women who need monogamy! It's a failed institution! I know more men who cheat than don't. The ones who do it the most know how to not get caught!

    • yes it is a filed institution, women stopped keeping their legs closed before marriage sometime around the 60s and bolted the western world into a welfare state.

  • I don't know anyone who says that being female makes you more blameworthy for an affair.

    If one of the two in the affair is not attached, people sometimes blame the unattached person for being a 'homewrecker'. Maybe the homewrecker usually is female. But, despite what you say, there are cases where 'the other person' is a man.

    Some people seem to blame the older person more, for 'taking advantage'. I get the feeling the older person is usually male.

    But, as I said, I don't know anyone who blames the female more, simply for being female.

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What Girls Said 8

  • Yeah it's mainly the man's fault. But if you know he is in a relationship then it is just as much the woman's fault for not having morals or respecting a relationship. Just because the man doesn't respect his own relationship doesn't mean the woman has to help him. It takes two, both of them are to blame and I have no respect AT ALL for cheaters OR those who help people cheat. They are the same in my eyes.

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  • It is totally the cheaters fault yes definitely. But as for the other women even if she doesn't know the wife it it's not a nice thing to do morally. Also if he cheats his wife he will definitely without a doubt cheat his girlfriend! I always try to put myself in the other persons shoes and I wouldn't like it if it was done to me! So I won't dish that dirt either.

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  • My ex-husband's mistress knew exactly what she was doing and relished in the fact that she had him distracted from his home. She even blamed me and took his side. Some women take pleasure in feeling like an Aphrodite of sorta and any woman who can't reject a broken man is broken herself. There is no effort needed when a man's moral compass ia broken. They think they are saving a man, when they are just playing out their future...

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  • I never understood why so many women get mad at the other women and not even their boyfriend. I knew this couple once where the boyfriend cheated on his girlfriend with a friend of theirs. The girlfriend chastised her other friend and cut her out of her life while she continued to date her boyfriend. It made no sense to me.

    The way I look at it, if the girl is aware that the guy is in a relationship then they should share EQUAL blame in what happened. But if the girl is completely unaware (which is often the case) then she should hold no blame whatsoever.

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  • I definitely believe that the man is more to blame than the other woman. And in circumstances when the other woman doesn't know that the man has a wife or girlfriend, she's not only blameless but a victim herself.

    However, if the other woman knows that he has a wife or girlfriend, especially from the very beginning, and she goes along with it anyway, she definitely deserves a portion of the blame. It doesn't even matter whether or not she knows the wife or girlfriend or just knows of her. If you are with someone while they are in a committed relationship with someone else, then you're taking part in hurting that person. Just because he wants to break his commitment doesn't mean you should be the one to enable it. It's a pretty scummy thing to do even if you didn't take a vow before God saying that you wouldn't do it.

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  • Both parties are to be blamed. It takes 2 to tango

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  • I think blaming the person who isn't in the relationship, is really a way the victim tries to protect themselves from further hurt. It's a lot easier to believe some mean woman 'stole' your man from you, than it is to blame the man for cheating. The truth is though, that someone who does not want to be stolen, cannot be stolen. The cheater is the one who is SOLELY responsible for their actions. If the person they cheat with knows about the relationship, then they are just a piece of sh*t and the two of them might as well have each other.

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  • People go after the other person all the time because they still love their partner. I've heard of married men going after the other man too.

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