How should I handle this situation?

So I've known this guy for years, we never hung out much, but every time we saw one another we clicked instantly. Apparently he had a crush on me then, but I was in a downhill (2 year) relationship. The next time I saw him was new years, and he was chasing this girl he'd been friends with for awhile (but she pretty much had him as a back-up-plan). So one day over a year later we reconnected. Turns out we had both ended our relationships and we kinda bonded over that.. It was still fresh-ish on both sides (more him than me), but we hung out and kissed and it was a really nice time! After that he said his ex begged him back and said she'd try harder to do the things he needed for the relationship. He chose to give her that chance and things slowed down for us, as expected, but I was enjoying having him as a friend, even without any of the physical stuff that was more on him than me. So he invites me over one day, I'm thinking hangout.. he ends up kissing me, but I won't let it go past that because of the situation with his girlfriend, even though NOTHING has changed and they're just getting more and more miserable.

He was under the influence and apparently kissed someone other than me that night too, which takes the pressure off of me some, but he feels like sh*t about it (not that he shouldn't).

SO FOR THE MAIN PART. I'm wondering what I can do now to talk to him, or be there for him. I care about him as a friend more than anything, and would love for him to stop putting the both of them through this dead end, but it's not my place. I just don't want him to see me as part of the evil and to cut communication with me.



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  • Best thing you can do for a guy is handle your stuff. It's hard to be a friend and have feelings for someone. Those call for ginormously different things. What is going on in your life beyond him? That's your focus. His stuff will work itself out on its own. A girl's wish to be there is usually code for mothering. Bad move. Enjoy time with him. Set good boundaries. Don't put yourself in situations that will lead to intimate stuff. When you are with him, be attentive, enjoy the time. When not, do YOUR life. Anything else will simply lead to a place where you will be hurt. The relationship he's in will end. But he will likely replace it with someone you didn't see coming. Meanwhile his behavior is lacking integrity. Don't allow him to grow accustomed to using you.

  • As a friend, you should be able to be blunt. If he knows you're a true friend, he will also know you have his best interests at heart.

    • But there's part of me that IS interested in me. YES I can put that part aside, but I don't know where I stand with him since the last few times we hung out, he was usually the one to come onto me. (Even though the first few times didn't matter to me because he was single at that time)

    • But you've said you're not the only one he kissed...

    • the other day? no.. before that? I have no idea.. he just confessed that I wasn't the only person that night and that he was not in the right mental state, so he didn't even remember that girl, but found out later.

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