Why is it hard for girls to move on from a cheater

i have a girl that's my best friend but she got cheated on from my other friend so we talk everyday and she's always sad about him and she even went back out with him now every time we talk its always about him I do my best to cheer her up I do everything because I really like her and want her to be happy why can't she forget about him and move on and be happy


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Females are more emotionally attracted to men then men are to women (GENERALLY). We tend to form a complete image of the man complete with psycho-analysis (right or wrong) and that forms our opinion of the man. Not to say that men can't like a women for who she is, but you have the ability to go "why do you like her", list three aspects and be done... if that makes sense. We think of relationships differently due to society and mating or whatever but when a guy breaks a women's image it makes her lose confidence on so many other levels after she becomes emotionally attached to them. (Also if they had sex its a double whammy because women become way more attached to guys after sex... something about releasing hormones... something science-y :P). So I guess its OK for her to be really hurt. If this lasts for more then a month (AT MOST) you should be concerned. AT MOST. If its consuming her, you know her best. Maybe try talking to her in an intimate setting so she feels comfortable just talking to you about this and so she can vent and help word-barf this guy out of her system (women are comforted by talking about things). I don't know if you like her romantically or not, but depending on the type of person she is, you should try to distract her. Start giving her good memories to think about (like going hiking or to an amusement park or something). And you should tell her your opinion as a friend that he is no good for her and plan it out carefully. Just find a way to add more really good days. Don't talk about him if its not the time. But I'm glad that you're concerned for your friend. You just need to appeal to her rational time and proove that at least for the moment that she can make better memories by moving on :) good luck

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What Girls Said 18

  • Being cheated on is a huge betrayal and it can affect someone's view on people and how they need to be more careful when it comes to trusting someone, a lot.

    She still has feelings for him and is probably still in disbelief that it happened to her. If you go through a relationship with someone you thought loved you, for them to cheat on you out of the blue, it is a huge shock and you question if they ever loved you in the first place and you feel like you wasted your time on them in the first place. It sounds like her wounds are still fresh and she still has a lot of healing to get through before she could date again. You should support her as much as you can and continue to remind her that not everyone is disloyal in relationships.

    If she does get over it and is ready to date, she may become paranoid very easily which could put strain on your relationship if you got together. But if she has common sense, she'll know not everyone is disloyal and it's stupid to waste time worrying about the possibility of someone cheating. If they're going to cheat, you can't stop it so you may as well enjoy the time you have with the person whilst everything is all fine and dandy!

    Tbh though, I don't see how people can let it affect them so much. I was with a guy for nearly 2 years. I lost my virginity to him and he was my first ever boyfriend. I thought maybe he was the one and I was one of the few who finds the one on the first try. But then he cheated on me and kept it from me for 8 months! When I found out, I cried once over the betrayal and that was it. I told myself he was not worth my time, I could do better and not every guy will be a low life scumbag like he was (the break up was hard, he threatened to send his family down to me to beat me up and he constantly insulted me, even years after the break up). I did, very rarely get a bit paranoid sometimes but I'd slap myself back into reality and I knew I was over thinking. I never worry about being cheated on because it's a waste of time to worry. I honestly feel that him cheating on me has not affected my trust of partners because I know everyone's different. Some people have personalities you know you can trust, others show signs that they could be a bit of trouble so it's easy to read for me. Maybe that's an advantage I got from it.

    But seriously, if she's as strong minded as I am, she should get over it very easily! If it happened years ago, then she should definitely look into getting counselling. It's not healthy to be grieving over the loss of a partner years after.

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  • I think it's hard for anyone to move on from a cheater, especially if there was real love involved. She simply still has feelings for him. It seems like she doesn't want to face reality, thus clinging onto the hope that they might still get together. From what I know, being cheated on in a relationship is one of the worst feelings ever. She's probably having a really hard time processing it, because cheating often happens suddenly. It's not something you get used to and move on from quickly, especially if it was a serious and long-term relationship. I have a friend who got cheated on over a year ago, and he's still not completely over it. These things simply take time. It takes time to erase strong feelings, and to be honest, I'm not sure you always can erase them 100%.

    She will be able to be happy without him. How long it'll take is impossible to say, because it's different for everyone. Keep trying to cheer her up, and whenever she brings him up, try to get her to think about something else.

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  • Just let her know that he wasn't good enough for her. Personally, I wouldn't even think about it. There are better things for her. Sometimes, if that happens, the girl might think that it will happen to her again. Just reassure her that it won't . Good luck!

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  • because we want answers. why did he cheat? was it me? is she better than me? am I good enough in bed? what did I do wrong? :(

    It takes a while to get over such people because their actions ruin our self esteem and sometimes our entire outlook on life. some girls recover while some suffer through the pain for the rest of their life... listen guys, don't cheat on your girl... it affects her more than you can possibly imagine.

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  • not hard for me.

    if a person cheats :

    They do not value the relationship -or they would not cheat.

    They do not respect me -or they would break up with me first.

    If a person cheats :

    They can go f*** themselves.

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    • Why do you take one incident out of trillions, concerning oneWoman out of billions, and infer that this is some sort of significant exemplification of --anything significant?

  • it's not the fact that they are cheaters it's love we can not move on from a good love sorry but for me a cheater is a mother f***** so I can move but do not forget the love we have a tender heart and the cheater has took the most hurtful way bossible for that this fact follow us to the end it's really hard !

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  • She's probably very insecure and is trying to figure out WHY he cheated on her.. However if someone cheated on me I would just completely cut them off so I think it might be a self esteem issue. answer my question please! :)

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  • Its not the fact that he cheated on her but its because ahe still has feelings for him so she doesn't care that he cheated on her cause she still wants to be with him.. she sounds like one of those girlsthat will go out of their way to mmake their boyfriend happy even when shws not happy.. you should just tell her what you think about her relationship and how she should deal with her boyfriend cheating on her you should help her get over her boyfriend.. I know it kind of sounds mean but and if you want to be with her and if you want what's best for her then I think you should just try to help her get over her boyfriend

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  • she subconsiously wants to get him back so she can get even! lol no seriously don't know it is hard to get over someone who is rejecting you because you just keep feeling like what's wrong with me. Also you have a wound that at the time feels like only one person can heal and that happens to be the same person that inflicted the pain. Its a very difficult time but it will get better just be her friend she will remember that. Right now it is an addiction and he is the drug and she needs her fix to stop the pain make sense? You have to help her see he is bad for her and it is better to go through the withdrawal.

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  • Because they completely broke their trust in the most hurtful way possible. I've never been cheated on, but it would just shatter your confidence. She's probably thinking about how she's not good enough, how she could have made him happier, how she wasn't as pretty or something was wrong with her. Her confidence is low, and I don't think anyone should go back o someone who cheated on them because they will probably never trust that person again. He probably cut off her love for him in a really abrupt way. She loved her guy and he f***ed that up as quickly as he could, so she's trying not to love him anymore and trying to break her connection to him I guess.

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  • I think it could mean they feel/think they do not deserve better or could still be attachement/attraction there.

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  • maybe she remembers the good times they had, who knows

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  • That would never be hard for me! NEVER!

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  • I think it's hard for anyone to trust a partner after they've been cheated on, by that partner OR a previous partner. Once our trust is shattered, it's hard to piece back together. You think, "They seem trustworthy. But the last one did too and look how that turned out."

    Honestly, even without being cheated on, trust is hard to retain these days. They're just aren't very many trustworthy people out there.

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  • Well there are a few types of relationships depending on how serious it is. There are flavor of the week type and serious adult (we live together, want to get married and have children) type of relationships.

    The first relationship is easy to let go of. But once you start integrating that person into your life completely and building up your future together, then it may be harder to let go. The cheating would create a ton of emotions. And you can't exactly just shut those off. And if you're in a serious relationship you might have responsibilities you share, such as a car, house or child.

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  • It isn't for me

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  • not hard for me, screw that jerk!

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  • Some women(and some men) think very emotionally when it comes to this sort of thing. I've heard stories of dudes killing themselves after a break up.

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    • Yup. Exactly.

      _Some_ of any group of human beings, has great difficulty letting go.

      Its not 'Women' have a hard time... It is some people, including Women.

What Guys Said 4

  • He no doubt has a lot of good qualities and she's reluctant to say goodbye to all the good times they had together.

    She will have to reach her own conclusion about forgetting him. She can't be rushed into giving up on him, so you shouldn't try.

    You can gently tell her that he doesn't really care about her, when she brings up the subject of his cheating with you.

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  • Because they loved the person.

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  • She is still in love in love with and emotionally attached to him. Consequently, her decision to forgive him and return to a dysfunctional relationship is emotionally based. It's the reason why she is going against your advice and her own better judgement.

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  • A cheater is someone that other girls want - therefore he is a prize. And girls want what other girls want. They can't help themselves.

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