Manipulative, dishonest ex or just misunderstood?

My ex has been emailing me on and off for years (as friends) and all day, every day over the past few months. He said he had split with the mother of his kid about a year ago, apparently she is with someone else and he keeps saying I have always been the one true love in his life and he wants us to be together when I move back to my hometown (soon) with a look to move in together when we see how things go. I have always loved him but moved away with my family. Anyway, I find an advert for her child care business online (as I was looking for his postcode to mail a present to him) which she references a qualification in March 2013 and she also states she lives with her partner of 5 years (and mentions his name) and his address as the business address (as she works from home). It's confusing as he literally texts me non stop every night until midnight, he surely wouldn't get away with it if she was there?

My question is - do I ring him and tell him never to contact me again? do I contact her and make her aware of all the messages I have and the story he has told me? or do I sit back like nothing is wrong and pretend I know nothing until I have got solid evidence? (I'm afraid if he IS being dishonest and I just ask him, that he will just try to lie his way out of it)


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  • My ex-fiance has texted me all night while watching TV with his girlfriend many nights. He sits in a recliner.. she sits on the couch. She has never even asked a question.

    I don't know about letting her know. She may not have updated her website. Decide if that's a chance you want to take. If he's doing that to her, he may do the same to you.

    • The thing that struck alarm bells was when she mentioned the qualification she had got in March 2013, just before mentioning her living situation ... she must have updated since March to mention it. It's not that I want to tell her so he can be mine, it's just it looks like he's lying to both of us and there's questions I want answering. If he's genuinely not with her, there's no harm in speaking to her, what do you think?

    • Hm. I understand what you mean about not making him yours. Maybe if you were to contact her as a potential client as the other poster suggested , you could ask for clarification on the home and who lives there (for your child's sake). If she answers in a way that suggests its your ex, I would thank her for her time. If he is not having an intimate relationship with you, I wouldn't break up their family, even if he is being a jerk.

  • I would call her as a client who has a child and ask can sneak at the drop of a hat, so don't think he can not get away w texting. If he called you non stop and talked to u,that would be one thing, but anyone can text and pretend they are texting a friend or looking online ,or maybe he does it when she is sleeping, the only way to find out is by asking her, if he has been lying this whole time why would you expect the truth from him this time. Protect yourself all the signs are there,

    • Thanks for the reply - good idea on the 'client' call. It is confusing because we do talk about 3-4 nights a week and the shortest call has been 2 hours, then he texts and it's literally one straight after the other all night. I think I know deep down he's not telling the truth though. Thanks again.

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    • Confronted him today and he tried to lie his way out of it (you have to have a good memory to be a good liar) he thought I was bluffing to try to catch him out until I text him telling him I never want to hear from him again and on the end of the text included her mobile number ... things went surprisingly quiet after that! Men ... grrrrrrr

    • good for you and Thank God you trusted your gutt before you got in too deep.

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