I'm so tired of thinking .. Did I cheat?!

hey there , that 's not gonna take long you have my word .. well the thing 's , I 've been in a relationship for 5 years now .. lots of obstacles but always taken care of , these whiles lots of things 's been going on , weak communication and even when we talk it 's been so much like torture to listen to him , he 's always busy and even when he talks to me he doesn't even make me feel like he cares .. so I 've been on chats for a while , like normal chat messing around , I knew this guy who 's out of my town and we started to talk about everything for like 3 weeks , normal talking and so , but after that it 's been like 2 weeks after we talked about things we were not suppose to , well just to be honest it was so much like phone sex but not exactly it was like (4-5)times , he didn't see my whole body , but enough to make things go worse , well I 've made my mind and I stopped it and I told him I can't talk to him and I gave him a good reason , but still I can't sleep and I can't really tell my boyfriend about it he would break up with me please please tell me what can I do to fix this , I feel like so cheap and not worth anything


Most Helpful Guy

  • Ehh... It's kinda slippery here. I wouldn't say you outright cheated, but if you're that sure that what you did is a deal breaker for your boyfriend, then definitely you've done things you shouldn't have, and sorry to say, but by some standards, that's cheating. You were certainly playing with fire.

    If you want to unburden your soul, clear your conscience, and get it out, then yeah you should probably tell him. There is a chance you can come back from this. As I said, this isn't outright cheating, so that might be your window for forgiveness. Especially since you stopped it before it went too far. So, if you're going to tell him, tell him, just don't get too descriptive.

    For example, tell him you started talking to some guy, and it got a little risque, and flirty, but you ended if before it was too late. Something like that. Explain that you even entertained it as long as you did because you felt lonely, but stopped before doing anything you couldn't take back, all because you love him (or "care for him", if you haven't said you love him yet) and couldn't stand losing him. From there, just throw yourself at his mercy.

    That's how I would suggest telling him if you do. Just if you do, don't wait too long. If you really can't tell him, then just sit on this, and hope for the best. I assume you will gradually get over this eventually, but it's gonna lose you some sleep in the meantime. Sorry. But in the meantime, I would suggest you work on trying to fix some of the problems in your relationship, because they do sound like pretty legitimate complaints. You don't sound happy. If you don't want it to end, you should work to fix your relationship as best you can so this doesn't happen again.

    If this ever starts to happen again, or if you ever start finding yourself sliding back toward this situation again, I imagine it's probably going to get worse before you stop. If so, I would recommend breaking up with him. As you said, you do have a lot of problems, bad communication, and when you do talk it's torture to listen to him. Then there's how he has no time for you, and you don't feel like he cares... yeah.. it sounds like you're not happy in your relationship.

    So if it looks like this cheating problem might happen again, it might be better you just leave, and try to find someone better. Someone who makes you happy. After all, you're clearly not even 25 yet, so you're still young, there's plenty of others out there, and frankly life is too short to waste on a relationship that doesn't work, and makes you feel crappy. I know from experience, believe me. (This might also be good advice for if you ever reconsider trying to tell him.)

    Anyway, I wish you the best of luck with this situation. I hope things get better for you real soon, and if things don't work out, then at least you if you tried your best, you can take comfort in that. But I honestly think that in the end all will be well.

    Good luck.

    • Well I can't explain how thankful iam for you to take all that time to solve my problem , actually you 're right and yea it 's kind of tricky but it 's a 5 years thing I 've loved him since I first learned to walk , and really it 's not gonna happen again not even a chance , and you 're right if it gets any worse I 'll leave right away , the thing 's it was so hard on me , not even close to be so easy as it seems to be you might use more explanations to what has happened exactly from my comments down

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    • it's understandable that you feel guilty and that guilt feeling would fade with time. Stop reading people's answer for that question now...u've got enough answers. Concentrate on your life, stay positive and even if you want to tell him then don't tell him everything. Just tell him that u'd been doing some flirt with a guy and now you feel guilty. Half truth is okay. But still I won't recommend it. Some things are better to be buried. And you didn't sleep with that guy so just don't feel that low. Stay happy.

    • Oh! Thank you so much , I 'll definitely move on ... it just has to have its time .. then time could handle the rest .. and agian thank you so much things 're away different because of you .. :)

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What Guys Said 1

  • Yep that's cheating.

    • Besides, you already know everything you did was bogus, and that doing those things your boyfriend would leave you. You're holding him back by doing these things and keeping it away from him. Let him decide what he wants to do.

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    • I'm sorry there's nothing other than that I can tell you. I'm just not the lying or cheating kind of guy. My best friend cheated on his girl, and he was so guilty he told her and broke up with HER. He genuinely felt it made him not good enough for her. I had much respect for him for that. Good luck with your situation. Take this as a learning experience and next time think about the consequences first.

    • i appreciate you trying to help thank you

      it 's just .. things 're not the same if things were less complicated or at least little bit different I 'd 've done the same your friend 's done ..

What Girls Said 2

  • Yes, I would consider that cheating. And I'm guessing you do as well because you're afraid to tell your boyfriend, afraid he'll leave you.

    Here's the thing - this is your business and your life, but your boyfriend does have a right to know. That's the way relationships work. Telling him would be the right thing to do, face the consequences. Adding dishonesty to your disloyalty is just fueling the fire of betrayal.

    • well I know you 're right .. and I 've always been so honest and clear but please understand how hard it 's to do this , we were already on a break when things got worse I didn't mean it this way , it got more complicated .. iam not saying I didn't do something wrong but at the same time I think after 5 years I really deserve a second chance , it 's not like something I 'll ever think about again , and really what I did was the normal reaction , iam not blaming him but he pushed me to the edge

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    • I've given my advice, it's yours to do with as you please.

      Best of luck.

    • Thank You :)

  • Your fine my dear. I've been guilty of this to but I showed everything your fine. You didn't show everything. Just appreciate your man. Try to rekindle your love. I how this scarred you enough to stop.

    • Oh! really you don't know how much iam reliefed for this but really showing something or everything 's almost the same , the point 's not about what I 've showed the idea 's still the same , I 've been trying to rekindle it in every mean known , and somehow it 's working out , well we were on a break with my boyfriend when I showed someother guy like almost everything but that doesn't count does it ?,i wasn't so happy hearing some sweet words but I was mad and desprate :(

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    • Thank you! Your the best! I'm currently pregnant and ever so happy. We've definitely had our share of fights. But I feel it's been forever. Nice talking to you =)

    • Oh! that 's great <3 <3 <3

      wish you all the best .. nice talking to you too :)

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