Am I just a rebound? Does he want to be with me? What is he thinking?

I know this is long, but it's all relevant.

So, about a year and a half ago, I met this guy through a friend when she visited him at his campus job. He was a senior with a girlfriend of one 1/2 years at the time, and I was a freshman. We had a weird connection and ended up talking for hours, but I dismissed it as him just being a nice guy because he had a serious girlfriend. That was the only time we hung out, until...

He texted me two months ago just to catch up, and then one thing led to another, and our awesome connection made itself known again.

Since he'd broken up with his girlfriend 6 weeks before he texted me, we made plans to see each other. When we hung out, we moved a little fast, but I'd never had a better date- and he even said the same thing himself. He also admitted that he hadn't stopped thinking about me since the moment he met me, and that he had to make an effort to force me out of his mind when he and his ex were still together.

We texted nonstop for a week afterward, and because his ex and I have some of the same friends, she heard that we were talking and got pissed. She apparently knew about this guy's crush on me. So, she tried to get back with him, and he was torn as to what to do, so I let him go.

Two weeks later, he called me to explain what happened, and that he was so sorry for ever doing that to me, and that he still really wanted to be friends. But somehow in a text conversation a few days later, he said that he wants to be more than friends; that whenever he got back with his ex, he was so disappointed because he'd had such a better time with me and still couldn't stop thinking about me, and that he called so he could see if we could salvage our relationship.

But at the same time, while he wouldn't mind being FWBs with another girl, he doesn't want a rebound situation with me. He's scared of making it one because the healing process of a 2 1/2 year relationship takes time- no matter how much he likes me. His ex was the first girl he was ever really and truly in love with, and it sounds like she still tries to be very selfish and controlling with him.

We have talked about having a no labels and expectations relationship though, and just playing it by ear, so that way no unnecessary pressure is added. But that can be dangerous, and it's not something we're too comfortable with.

Since we've talked about where we stand, we haven't been talking as much as we used to, and when we do talk, he seems distant.

What is this guy thinking? If you think he is avoiding me, why would he be? Even though he says he doesn't want a rebound with me, am I one anyways? Do you think this would have any chance of working out? I know he likes me, and REALLY values my friendship, but what should I do so I don't overwhelm him because of where I am as far as being ready? Should I date other people?

Thank you so much for answering this. Really. I am so confused right now.
Oh... And something else. Whenever we'd talk about things that happened between us or where we stand, except for one time when I was drunk, he was always the one that brought it up- and it happened multiple times.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Yes, you already are a rebound, and in fact, a pre-rebound, because he's still with his 'ex.'

    Stau away from him until he's actually away from her, which won't be soon from your description.

    You just set yourself up for disappointment by thinking you can have a stable relationship with a guy who blows hot and cold, single or still with his 'ex', just about every time you see him.

    No doubt, you aren't his only 'pre-rebound', since he was already hitting on you when you first met and there was no hint of his breaking up with the girlfriend. There are probably other girls asking him when he'll be done with his 'ex.' You don't want to be just another one.

    • Sorry, I should've made it more clear- he's not with her anymore and realizes that they weren't a good fit. Also, when we started talking, it was 1.5 months after they broke up. They also didn't work out the second time because he still couldn't stop thinking about me. He also doesn't have other girls on the radar- I've dealt with my fair share of players, and he is one of the good guys. He also wasn't hitting on me when we first met, we were only friends that got along unusually well.

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What Guys Said 2

  • I'm a bit confused myself. Primarily about his current relationship with his ex. You say that she is an ex but she still can control him? And did she get back together with him because she found out you were seeing each other?

    I don't think that you're a rebound. The term suggests that he just wants to be with someone but that doesn't fit the connection you have. There does seem to be other things in play here. Do you think he can't escape a guilt he feels about his ex, like he's betraying her somehow, after the fact?

    It doesn't seem like a friends only situation would work. I also have my doubts about a no labels/no expectations relationship. His loyalties and sense of honor seem to be tied in knots right now. If that's the case, I don't think there's much you can do about that but wait it out.

  • It seems you're really just a rebound


What Girls Said 1

  • he seems to be confused too.

    I think he still loves his ex, and likes you a lot, you are his type and you both have chemistry...but chances are you will end up hurt if you keep going in this situation...i doubt he will leave her, its a long serious relationship,they have a story, and he has feelings for her!

    I know he has feelings for you too, but she will always have the advantage of the memories and stories they shared together...

    I'd definitelty move on with my life, date other people, and let things happen...maybe he calls you and decides he wants to be with u, that would be cool, but till this day comes, live your life,dont wait for him!

    Good luck!'


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