What do I do with this man?

Okay...

So this man (38, for an age/maturity reference) and I dated for a while. However, the relationship kind of dissolved and he got back with his ex. Recently, he told me he thought he made a mistake. We have been sleeping together regularly, even though they haven't split. I realize he probably won't leave her, and when I had a pregnancy scare he said we shouldn't do anything other than be friends anymore. So.. I said okay. Three days later..he was back in my bed. And its not just crazy sex (well..often it is).. but he also slows down..tells me he's going to make love to me and then does.

Now, when I see him at work he's always touching me. Hitting me playfully, sticking something on my clothes, just generally flirting.. we have serious moments, too. He has told me he would be jealous if I hooked up with anyone else, and today he kept touching my chin (straaange I know). And he also told me he knows me better than I know myself...

The thing is.. I still have feelings for him. I realize what I'm doing to his girl is wrong. I feel so guilty, but I keep getting pulled in.

I just need advice.. I don't know how to keep bumping into him at work. Is he acting like this to keep me hanging on as a backup? I am alone where I live.. I moved for my job. So he's the closest thing I have to a friend..I'm scared of losing that aspect more than the sex, because I'm tired of feeling used, even though I feel so at ease in the moment when he's playing next to me and cuddling with me.. do I just stop all communications, or just keep it strictly business? I don't know...I'm confused.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • hes just using you as a backup.

    in case if something happens with him and his girl, he will still have you.

    and he seems like a smooth talker, especially through sex which every guy knows will get the girl more emotionally attached to them and get them 'whipped'

    ive been going through the same thing with my ex for 7 months now, and I just ended it yesterday cause I got tired of just getting used.

    if he really truly cared for you, he would leave the other chick and put you first.

    i know its hard to grasp and that you don't want to loose him, but you really have to think about what's better for yourself. you don't need someone like that. you deserve a hella lot better. someone thatd put you first always.

    cause if you guys did get back together, how do you know that he won't sleep with some other girl while he's with you?

    hes a player; and its not healthy for you emotionally at all. sooner or later itll start getting to your head and messing with you.

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    • Truth is.. I know all of that. I'm just terrified of being stuck up here with no support. My favorite part of our time together is when we are just sitting there talking.. but if all I am is a piece of ass.. I guess "I'll always be here for you" is a load of sh*t.

    • oh I understand completely trust me. my ex said that I meant a lot to him and that he would always be there, but he never actually was. and he went and told his friends that he was just using me for my body. I feel so worthless. but everyday I feel more and more better cause I know that I'm not being used anymore and that I don't need someone like that. try to get involved in things, like a yoga class or go out to get drinks or something with some girlfriends to meet new people.

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What Guys Said 1

  • Wow, you both are morally bankrupt. You deserve each other.

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    • I know its not right..and I have been distancing myself. Until today, I had managed to avoid him at work since Monday. I have never done anything like this before.. I have terrible guilt, and deservedly so. I'm sure you're perfect and have never made mistakes. But for those of us who aren't, we sometimes just need a little help. My biggest fear is losing him as a FRIEND as I stated. I am completely alone here.. no friends, no family. I work 12 hours a day at a high stress job.

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    • No, I've just seen people do sh*tty things to other people all my life. This being one of the most hurtful and, yes, I have been cheated on.

      If I told you that I had a problem physically abusing someone, you'd tell me to stop immediately, no if's ands or butts. Cheating is similar in abuse, it's just mental abuse.

      Like I stated in another post, I've, basically, given up on people. It's no longer worth the effort or expense. Good luck in whatever you do.

    • Yeah, but you didn't say "Stop immediately". You went straight for insulting, just like you have nearly every single answer you've given to people just wanting advice.

What Girls Said 1

  • he is just stringing you along. For a man of 38 that is extremely immature and selfish. I think you need to stop sleeping with him. "you get what you put up with"

    stop communicating with him. It will be hard but you need to show that you respect yourself and you are more than just a "side dish"

    Besides, even if you do end up together..can you really trust someone who is cheating on their gf? Not to mention he left you to get back with his ex.

    be strong :-)

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    • He didn't leave me for her. There was about a three month gap between us.

      I do understand I could never trust him though. Thank you.

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