I guess skip this first paragraph if you don't really care about what happened. But I need to vent.. I'm so mind f***ed right now.
His mother owns the home we live in and some of her stuff is still in it. Well she said I could remove some things from a closet so we'd have more space for our things. Some of his exes things were in the closet. I found some of her things in a different closet before and his mother told me that she didn't have anywhere to live so she kept some things here but "did NOT live here". Well in this bag when I found more things were affidavits and whatever else saying how they were married and all this drama that happened before the divorce.
Okay so I knew he had trouble with his ex... he never talks about his past but I was fine with that because I didn't feel its my place to pry... but isn't that something you mention if you are in a relationship with someone... coming up on FIVE YEARS...
What do I say? Or do I say anything? Do I even have a right to be upset? How am I suppose to feel right now? What do I do? I know its not like he is still currently married... but I don't know I'm REALLY put off that he didn't tell me. Also that his mother didn't tell me... and brother didn't tell me... NO ONE TOLD ME.
I feel like a stupid idiot and I'm really upset.
Most Helpful Guy
First of all, you can be sure that his mother and brother didn't tell you because your boyfriend (husband?) didn't want them to.
I would imagine that this woman was a disaster, and that more than anything, he is likely deeply embarrassed that he married this woman. He probably feels like he made a huge, stupid mistake, and that if he'd told you, and had to tell you the story, that he'd have lost your respect for being so stupid.
Obviously, you're more hurt that he kept it a secret, and I totally get that. I don't even AGREE with his decision not to tell you, but I DO *understand* it.
Clearly he wants nothing to do with this woman; he's not in contact with her or any of that. He's not cheating on you, and cut all his ties with her before you were ever around. I realize you are upset, and I get it, but you need to remember that he didn't LIE to you, or betray you in any way. He just declined to air his dirty laundry from his past, which doesn't really affect you in any way.
Try to keep that perspective as you think about this. What he did wasn't great, and it isn't what I'd have advised him to do, but ultimately, he didn't really do anything WRONG, he just wasn't as open as he should have been. That's not the worst crime in the world, by far.1