My Girlfriend pulled "It's not you, its me" card. Now waiting to find out if I am single.

Three weeks ago, my ex-gf from two years and I ago got back together. Originally broke up after three months, saw each other 4-5 times despite me being in Iowa and her in Wisconsin. Mutually agreeing that neither one of us had the time was ready to handle a long-distance relationship. I was a "bro"/douche who wasn't about having a girlfriend and cared more about my biceps, she coincidently just started pledging for a sorority when we started dating and was crazy busy. We illegitimately stayed as friends and kept in contact. Since then, I have changed a lot, mostly thanks to the 24 high schools that I coach in wrestling, and became mature/grown up, yet still retain some of my childish immaturity that she fell for.

This past year, I decided to move to Atlanta to focus more on school, get away from distractions/start fresh. We had still been chatting as friends; however now she would start saying she missed me a lot and wanted to come down to visit me, or me visit her as soon as I get back. (Ended up meeting her in Chicago Thanksgiving break). Almost once every 5-6 weeks, she would chat me up saying she missed me and how proud of me for how much I've grown up and changed since we had first met.

Finally in May, I wasvisiting one of my BFF's that was graduating (they go to same school), we met prior to going to the Senior Dinner, and she jumped into my arms wrapping herslf around me. After dinner, we met @ the Senior Bar crawl. Black out drunk, confess how I feel, and had things been different we would still be together. She agreed. I stayed an extra two days with her, said she loved me/wants to marry me, endeds up coming to Iowa for a week, then I went to a wedding as her date when I took her home before finally flying back to Atlanta the morning after.

We only had one problem while I was in town. She originally planned to take the summer off to work on her issues (learn to be happy with herself, less dependent on others, drinking less). I told her she still can, and I'd support her. Being apart starts off great, her exbf of 1yr was being a d*** (almost stalking, would go to her apt, bang on the door and cuss her out), she'd call crying, after calming her down shed say she loved me, thankful for second chance, I came at the perfect time. Last Saturday I saw a movie, she got drunk, texts me at 2:00am that she doesn't think this will work (totally different attitude when we talked that morning, I blame the booze) + drops "I was supposed to work on myself this summer and I'm not", doesn't want help, wants to be independent. Next morning I call, no answer. Text her "can we talk", she says yes, I say take your time & call when ready.

Goodmorning/night texts aside (promised to do it while I was in ATL) we haven't talked. I think its over and I'm waiting for a phone call that's not gonna come. Giving it time but won't wait forever. Also just got a $300 plane ticket Sat morn after talkn with her cause we had planned to spend the 4th together. What should I do?

She doesn't know I have bought the ticket yet because of the little fight we had that evening. Should I mention that when we talk? I know I've done nothing wrong so far and have been a great boyfriend, my main concern overall is to take the high road and be the nice guy, even if it means ending it myself if she can't decide and don't want to work together.

I'd rather "die the hero, then live long enough to become the villain" so to speak.


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What Girls Said 1

  • Wait it out and if she does break you with you just move on,

    • For how long though? Up to day three now, only contact is goodnight and good morning texts.

      Not so much waiting to see if she breaks up with me, I just don't think she's going to call in general and give me any sort of closure.

    • if she doesn't then that's just lame of her. the time you wait is entirely up to you.

What Guys Said 1

  • If a girl says "it's not you, it's me", it's you and only you.

    • Going off your response, if it's true where should I go from here?

      Likewise, if your response is false and it is as she says, what do I do? (Sorry for playing devils advocate.)

    • Show All
    • Can't imagine what the grudge would be? If anything, I think I'm forcing her to not be dependent on her boyfriend to make her happy and she doesn't like it, yet its an issue she wants to fix. Right now on day three of goodnight/morning texts with no response from her. Gonna follow through with tomorrows, no contact thurs and Friday, then ask her to talk this weekend. Not desperate or sarcastic, like "hey haven't heard from you in a while? Would like to talk/catch up this weekend if that's cool"

    • Why bother going through the saga of sending her another good morning text tomorrow if she hasn't responded to the others? In my opinion she just looks at them and sighs ... You seem very desperate to me and to her probably. How about don't contact her at all and wait and see if she's actually into you.

      The thing that's bad about your question is "[...] if that's cool" ... you're asking for her opinion. Just tell her "Wana meet this weekend?" and let her choose herself.