My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years & we are the same age. I work, have my own place, pay my own bills, in the process of starting a business and totally independent. He doesn’t work and lives with parents. He says he wants to but he doesn’t actually go out there and look. I believe he’s my soul mate and 95% of what I’ve ever needed in a life partner. But him having no ambition gives me second thoughts. He has big attainable dreams and wants to get married, have kids & promises to take care of me when he starts working… I don’t know. Will he ever change? I don’t want to be stuck with a guy that isn’t independent, independence is very important to me since I have no parents or family and have been independent from a very young age. He ins't spoiled and his family does nothing for him. I don't do him any favours either since I believe in working your butt off to be where you wanna be in life. We went on a break before because of this but ended up being back together. In 3 years we have never celebrated a birthday, anniversary, nothing! As a woman, I would love to be spoiled every now and then. This is causing big problems for us Because I am slowly losing respect for him as a man. I know some would think that he is using me but he still has his pride and doesn't ask me for anything. Recently he seems to get a bit mad when I try to push him into the right direction. What do I do? Push harder? Back off? Job hunt for him?
Most Helpful Guy
Push him to do something and give him a 3 month ultimatum. To find a job or get out of your life, once he leaves and realizes how much he cares about you that might trigger his ambitious side and make him work harder. Assuming he doesn't make it pass the three month ultimatum. Keep contact with the guy, but keep him away from you. If he doesn't wake up, he might really be a guy with no ambition.
Some couples aren't traditional you know there always is one who is more dominant in every couple. My mother (very ambitious woman) used to dominate the relationship, because she was always the one who made most of the money, my dad was always the one with the most potential, but who choose a family life of routine and stability. The thing with money is that it's nobodies' friend, my mother got in trouble at her job for wanting things to change in her work and she got pressured to resign. My dad always warned her about that possibility when you got too much ambition you make enemies. She got into a big depression and couldn't function normally for 10 months and as she got better, she learned to love my dad a lot more because he was her safety net, she never realized his true value up until that event. Just saying, we almost had to sell the house because of the money shortage.
You might boast and feel like god's gift to that man right now because you've got more things going for yourself, but the reality remains that you're getting old and that this guy might be the safety net, you need to keep pursuing your ambitions and he's going to be your anchor, who's always going to be there to prevent total catastrophe.
You can push him to find a job or find him a job. It's your life your decision.1