Unmeployed soul mate with no Ambition

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years & we are the same age. I work, have my own place, pay my own bills, in the process of starting a business and totally independent. He doesn’t work and lives with parents. He says he wants to but he doesn’t actually go out there and look. I believe he’s my soul mate and 95% of what I’ve ever needed in a life partner. But him having no ambition gives me second thoughts. He has big attainable dreams and wants to get married, have kids & promises to take care of me when he starts working… I don’t know. Will he ever change? I don’t want to be stuck with a guy that isn’t independent, independence is very important to me since I have no parents or family and have been independent from a very young age. He ins't spoiled and his family does nothing for him. I don't do him any favours either since I believe in working your butt off to be where you wanna be in life. We went on a break before because of this but ended up being back together. In 3 years we have never celebrated a birthday, anniversary, nothing! As a woman, I would love to be spoiled every now and then. This is causing big problems for us Because I am slowly losing respect for him as a man. I know some would think that he is using me but he still has his pride and doesn't ask me for anything. Recently he seems to get a bit mad when I try to push him into the right direction. What do I do? Push harder? Back off? Job hunt for him?
@pr3ttybr0wn. I say he's my soul mate because we have a very strong bond. He gets me, he understands me and he really knows me. We have a strong physical, sexual, mental & spiritual bond. I feel like the other guys I've dated don't amount. Like he's the only one who took the time to figure me out & see right through me During our break up I did date a guy who's a Senior IT Specialist. It was fun being spoiled and having someone wanting to provide my every need but the spark just wasn't there
I know its not my responsibility but I feel like this is the guy I'm meant to be with for the long-run. I love him. I just don't know how I'd manage without him and his support, I've tried and life sucked. I've dated enough guys to know that he's the one I feel it in every fiber of my being. I did manage to get him a job last year but it was a two month contract and I could see good changes in him, his confidence and he did so much for me in that time - too bad it was short job.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Push him to do something and give him a 3 month ultimatum. To find a job or get out of your life, once he leaves and realizes how much he cares about you that might trigger his ambitious side and make him work harder. Assuming he doesn't make it pass the three month ultimatum. Keep contact with the guy, but keep him away from you. If he doesn't wake up, he might really be a guy with no ambition.

    Some couples aren't traditional you know there always is one who is more dominant in every couple. My mother (very ambitious woman) used to dominate the relationship, because she was always the one who made most of the money, my dad was always the one with the most potential, but who choose a family life of routine and stability. The thing with money is that it's nobodies' friend, my mother got in trouble at her job for wanting things to change in her work and she got pressured to resign. My dad always warned her about that possibility when you got too much ambition you make enemies. She got into a big depression and couldn't function normally for 10 months and as she got better, she learned to love my dad a lot more because he was her safety net, she never realized his true value up until that event. Just saying, we almost had to sell the house because of the money shortage.

    You might boast and feel like god's gift to that man right now because you've got more things going for yourself, but the reality remains that you're getting old and that this guy might be the safety net, you need to keep pursuing your ambitions and he's going to be your anchor, who's always going to be there to prevent total catastrophe.

    You can push him to find a job or find him a job. It's your life your decision.

    • Help him find a job again, that is what couples do for each other. They protect and support each other. Who cares if he doesn't make the 6 figures salary, personality traits that complement your own is even more valueble than gold. People here will pressure you to dump anyone who doesn't fit their vision of the world. Life is hard. I'd rather share it with someone I can trust fully than to share it with someone people think I should love.

    • Think of it as a game where the goal is to survive into the wilds, would you trade a good soldier (who's struggle hardied, but lost motivation) for an accountant that sits on his behind all day long applying lotion. When times are at peace you know the accountant trives, but at times of war (crisis). You never hear of accountants rising to the challenge to save the world, you most certainly hear them being the first to escape and flee the scene (you might get to pay for divorce and lose a lot).

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What Guys Said 2

  • Honestly he's your soul mate? I'm not sure I believe this. Isn't the love of your life supposed to bring positivity to the relationship? Are you just telling yourself he's got all of these other great qualities because you want to be in love? Sounds like he's a bum (or at least he has bum-like-tendencies). You broke up with him before but went back...you had the right idea. Time off is always good. So is a very deep honest discussion about any resentments you have. I mean, if you would like to be married, do it because you already have that level of honesty or you've made the decision to get over his faults and accept his lack of motivation. What is he bringing to the table? Is he just hot and good in bed? I always like to break down problems into it's simplest components. Some folks live at home because they are saving up money for a house. He can't be lazy and live there forever...right? Try backing off again. My mother wanted to be sure of my father so she dated other people and broke it off for a while. (of course my dad was at school studying for his master). As I get older I believe less in less that there is a state of "being in love" or the concept of a soul mate. Will he ever change? What a crappy empty question. Change should be natural with a healthy human. Shouldn't you always strive to improve? Best to you, happy trails.

  • Maybe he needs someone to get him started in the right direction; you probably know someone who is a career counselor, right? Have him talk to someone who can put him on to something he enjoys, that uses his talents.

    That's all you should do for him. The rest is up to him.


What Girls Said 2

  • DUMP HIM! Dump him before you end up pregnant by this fool and tied to him permanently. He's only your soul mate because you developed a bond with him. If you dated other guys you'd probably find a bond with one of them too. Hopefully one of the new guys you date actually has a job and can take care of himself, let alone your future family.

  • If he's not changing know he won't change or you will always have a hard time with him about it. this is only causing you problems like him getting mad when you want something good for him. either stay with him an let him be or find a better guy.


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