My girlfriend is too insecure.

I was going out with a very pretty girl and she always put her self down. I would always say good thing and tell her how pretty she always was, not what she thinks she is. This went for 3 months before I broke up with her and it wasn't a bad break up. Some time apart helped and now we are back together. But the first time we had sex after hooking back up she going back to her old ways and I don't know what to do any more.

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  • Hi I use to be confident in the beging of my relationship until my boyfriend gave me reason to not trust and have insecurities.he was secret with his phone he would take it everywhere all the while he loved me.he had a pass word and on silent.never lets me use it.oh but mine is available .mind you I was pregnant too.few months ago his phone was home not thinking I figured his password and BOOM found emails to girls oh your sexy or making love to you woyld be magical and I'm with child.um yea.or can she fuk all night .but fuks me once in a night.really..since than I insecure.he calls mme ugly toothless and old antique.he's34andi'm 39.i pay for everything.i even have a baby and now expecting again.it hurts the things he says.but I'm trying to ignore it.when we go out hi eyes wonder but its cool I guess but he looks at my best friend I see it and he denies it.so now I'm deciding what to do.I'm lost and don't want to eat I only eat to feed my baby in my tummy.hopefully I make a decision soon verbal abuse will become physical soon I feel it.i don't know what to feel at this point.he doesn't have a phone but uses mine so um always checking..i love my babies and I got nowhete else to go.i done shelters before.they are dirty filthy and full of bed bugs.so I'm trying to get him outwithout any problems being cool so he leaves on his own..

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What Girls Said 14

  • Base on my dating experience, I seem to lose my self confidence when I'm dating someone. I am smart, independent, and beautiful on my own. But when I have a guy in my life I change and I become this girl that's very needy of attention. I become really sensitive and always think negatively of myself so my boyfriend would spend hours to make me feel better.

    However, my boyfriend talk to me briefly about how he likes my independence before and I should have new hobbies and have a life outside of our relationship. He made me realize that I should focus on something else besides him. I try to spend more time with my friends and join a whole bunch of clubs to keep myself busy.

    I think your girlfriend needs to do things that makes her feel good about herself. Do things that makes her happy and confident. You can't just forever tell her she's pretty. She needs to believe it herself that she's pretty without you telling it to her. Motivate her to try new things and to spend more time with her friends.

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  • As a girl who also suffers from self-esteem issues all you can really do is have patience with her and keep reassuring her of how you feel. Like someone else said, it may not seem like it's doing anything but it'll be doing a lot for her on the inside.

    That said, I think you should sit down with her and let her know that you really want to help her and give her the self esteem she deserves but her having no confidence brings you down and makes you feel like you can't help her.

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  • LEAVE THE RELATIONSHIP!

    I dated a very insecure guy. He was basically perfect expect for his self esteem. He had no confidence and hated himself. There was nothing I could say or do that would convince him other wise. He looked like a model but thought he was ugly. First he would put himself down, then accuse me of only being with him out of pity, to telling me that I was going to leave him for someone better.

    His low self esteem ruined the relationship. It was depressing. We stopped going out because he was too insecure of how he looked. And our time alone became absorbed with him putting himself down, calling himself, ugly, stupid, and worthless. It was terrible. It was just heart breaking after a while.

    Some people are just broken. No amount of support, encouragement, and love and fix them.

    Just make sure you don't let people like this break you.

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  • You need to sit down with her and talk about this. It's not good to be in a relationship with someone who does not have confidence in themselves because their negative energy will eventually bring you down and I'm sure she already has brought you down a little bit. Do you tell her that she is smart, funny, talented,etc or any other good qualities besides that she is pretty? If she doubts all her other good qualities than that's not good. Everyone has insecurities but if she has so many, she needs some help.

    You obviously care about this girl since you posted a question about her on GAG but if she doesn't want to help herself, you need to break up with her. You can't help her unless she is willing to help herself. Her negative energy will bring you down and there is nothing you can. I'm sorry but some people just don't realize their worth(looks, personality, intelligence).

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  • They've learned this through lab tests with animals: people always take the easy way out. When you can get respect without building your character or your intellect - you will usually use your beauty to win respect rather than using your mind or your heart to win respect - the long term consequences of this is that you become overly dependent on others for affection, validation, love or approval and not dependent enough on yourself. Let her know that you hold her accountable for what she says and what she does and not for what she looks like - if you do - she will slowly gravitate towards focusing on who she is as a person and less on what she looks like on the outside. Self-esteem issues in beautiful woman has nothing to do with their looks or their mistreatment from others and everything to do with the fact that they are basing their confidence and self-respect on the wrong thing.

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  • Not sure if this can be of any help ;)

    Well, a friend of mine was in a similar situation and he did this:

    He took his girlfriends hand and went with her to stand in front of a mirror.

    He then told her everything that was great about the way she looked and behaved and more

    or less showed her. Her imperfections were perfect to him.

    Once he was done, he told her that he never wants to hear how she talks herself down, nor does he want her to think that she's anything less than perfect, because she is and in his eyes she'll always be perfect.

    Might sound a bit cheesy but it made things easier for them. She's of course still insecure but not in front of him.

    If you compliment her too often she might also feel more insecure.

    Insecure people are mostly not good with compliments ^^

    Good luck :)

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  • She needs to work on her self confidence and only she can do that for herself. Trust me, I've been this girl before. If you don't love yourself its impossible to let someone else fully love you because you will never feel like they really do because you can't imagine someone wanting you. Maybe she got made fun of when she was younger or maybe she struggles with her weight, those things can affect a girl for years and years. She has to just find it in herself to believe that she is beautiful, worthwhile and worthy of affection and once she does that she will be able to live a happy life and you can be a happy couple

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  • Coming from someone has self-esteem issues, there isn't a way that can help her. It could be from when she was younger(like being bullied or made fun of in school) or how society portrays what women should look like. There could be a number of things, but always make sure she know how you feel about her. It may not seem like it does anything, but on the inside it does wonders.

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  • u can't help her only she can change

    i know how it is, I have a friend that complains .best you can do is tell her to stop and leave if its too much...such negativity takes its toll sometimes

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  • I believe that with people With the self-esteem should not be in a relationship. They should work on themselves before they can try to build something with someone else. I say this because that used to be me. And the Relationship was hell for both it won't work.

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  • I would just explain to her what turned you off then suggest being friends. Just let her know that you feel that low self-esteem is a turn-off & draining, if she truly cares about you and wants the relationship to work out, then hopefully she'll change her ways.

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  • you can't change her, she needs to change herself, she needs to believe in herself

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  • It depends on what her insecurities are. You've to hammer on that, so to say.

    If her insecurities concern her body and sex for instance, you can only practice enough until her insecurities go away. It would be silly continuing to feel insecure after you've seen her in x positions a certain amount of times and everything and you continue not caring about it. Like in everything, practice and time helps.

    I suppose she understands her being this way is an issue with you. If not, you should tell her.

    Sometimes it's not easy to change, but you seem to like each other and, if so, you can work it out =P

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  • Just break up with her if its causing problems.

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