Girlfriend moving to another country for maybe a month, how do I deal with this?

Pretty much the title says a quarter of the story. She has to move from the United States of America to the Philippines because her aunt died and her cousins (Girl of age 6 | Boy of age 2... both potty trained) are abandoned without a dad or a mom. All her other family members are not in an easy situation as my girlfriend is so my girlfriend has to spend some time with them to find them homes before coming back to the USA. My girlfriend is 18 By the way. The reason she is at the most easiest situation to do this is because she is 18 and she has failed her senior year, unlike her twin brother which is now going to college. The rest of her family either don't care or don't know.. I didn't get the whole story. I was probably asking too many questions when she first told me, she was super stressed out. We have known each other for a whole 365 days to this day. Been dating about 357 days to this day. We really hit it off when we first met and we both confessed we were in love with each other a long time ago. It has grown stronger every day since then. I know she won't forget about me but I'm just worried for her. I might be completely ignorant about the Philippines, but I heard it isn't as resourceful or as developed as the USA. And that worries me because if she can't get a job I'm worried she might not be able to take care of herself or the kids before they find a home. And she doesn't want them go to an orphanage because they are very bad in that country. I'm afraid that once she gets there, if she isn't able to find them a home, she will be too kind hearted to leave them in an orphanage and throw away her youth for these kids and I already told her I'm not sticking around for that. I don't care how much I love her I don't want a girlfriend that already has responsibility of more than one child for more than one month. So I told her that if she isn't back by the time school starts for her to start her senior year again I'm breaking up with her. And I know it won't be pretty.. we love each other a lot and it will break both our hearts. Okay so that's about 3/4 of my problem. The last part is that I don't know how long it will take her to get internet, as my phone does not have international service and I can't afford that. She said her grandma in the USA will wire her money to help her with anything so I trust that as she told me she got a new ipod touch a week before she moved so I know she is rich. Maybe she won't have money troubles and won't need a job and there will be more time for us to communicate? And yes I know about the time difference, I'm willing to sleep at day and stay up at night for her. My point is I don't know how long it will take for her to get internet so we can communicate. And before she went we kinda got in a fight about religion which probably wasn't good on us. Please can anyone give me advice? I certainly need it.
Updates:
You people have opened my eyes in many ways other can not. It may be opinions from strangers over the internet, but I learn from reading and experiencing rather than having someone tell me. I hate verbal lectures which is why I find the internet so resourceful. I will link this page to my girlfriend to see my old feelings and the new that you people have brought out. You all should be proud of yourself for bringing a man out of a boy. I submit this update with humility. Thank you all.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Honestly, your taking this to the extreme. One part stands out that you said that may have a negative effect on your relationship."So I told her that if she isn't back by the time school starts for her to start her senior year again I'm breaking up with her" Seriously dude? that's weak on your part I'm in Afghanistan been so for 6 months I got another 7 till I'm back home, yet my now Fiance is still there waiting on me while we don't talk much we get some time to talk and it's great. This is a test of your will power be a man stand up and support her through this. Honestly your being selfish to only thing of you really. She needs your support while she does this not you leaving her.

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    • Thank you for this answer and your service. I hope the time goes by quickly so that you can go home soon. :)

    • Thanks I'm ready to be home still over half a year though. Also don't thank me for the service thank you for supporting what we do, I'm no hero I'm just a grunt.

    • Heroes come in many forms, but believe what you will. I wish you the best of luck, though and I hope you see her soon. :)

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What Girls Said 9

  • I think you are entitled to have what you want in your life, so obviously if you don't want to wait around or deal with someone that has these responsibilities that is your choice. At the same time I really agree with the other answer in that this might come across as selfish. If I were her I would feel hurt that you would put me in that kind of situation. She is going out of her way to do the right thing and you're basically giving her an ultimatum to choose her family or you over things that are not exactly in her control (like having internet in another country). Depending on where she is going there might not be any near her. I know my family in Asia had to drive several miles to be able to use a public computer until they moved. Some people are still in those situations.

    I think if you really love her you should wait for her and be supportive while she's going through this. Also take into consideration that she is 18 years old... I don't think someone that young is going to stay her whole life and raise two children. So this is a temporary thing and you need to decide how important she is and how badly you want her in your life.

    Its probably a good idea to mend things as soon as possible if you want this relationship to work. Take a step back and look at things from her point of view.

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  • its one month. you're being melodramatic. its not a big deal.

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  • My guy friend told me he liked me before leaving for basic. It's been nearly a month already, we aren't even dating, I don't even love him. She cannot help the fact that her family needs her. I understand this is hard for you, but imagine how she feels. She will be raising children that aren't hers in a foreign country with little guidance. You can keep youraelf occupied for a month between talking to her, which it seems like she is going to make a way to talk to you. Honestly, it almost seems like you're looking for a reason to break up with her.

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  • To be honest this girl deserves someone better than you, what you're doing is emotional blackmail trying to threaten to break up with her. Just think about this, the girl's aunt just died and her cousins needs her. Imagine if you were in her shoes. Its very insensitive of you and all you're thinking about is yourself. I understand its too much responsibility and too much to handle for you but as a boyfriend you should also be understanding and supportive. Philippines is not such a bad country as you think, they are actually doing economically well and have advanced technology so I'm sure you guys will be able to communicate fine. People have internet and Wi-fis at home and she could also go to internet cafes. I agree that you're just being melodramatic. instead of making her feel worst than she already feels be her support system. If you can't do this then just walk away now before things gets worst. But I believed that if you really love this girl as you say you do you'd stick by her.

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  • write her letters every week.

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  • You deal with it by being supportive and stop being so concerned with your feelings. It is evident she has concerns for her family and will be gone for a while to try and help them. Sometimes it has to be about her and not always about you. Its only a month, not a year or a decade.

    If you can't handle the situation and be supportive of her, then maybe you shouldn't wait to break it off, you should break it off as soon as you possibly can but be honest with her and let her know that you're breaking up with her because you can't stand to be alone and value your personal feelings over her family emergencies.

    Another thing that was upsetting is you say you love her, but you have too many conditions for that love. The fact that she has responsibilities and obligations falls under one of your conditions. I realize you're still young and really don't want to be tied down with such responsibilities and obligations, but since you chose to enter into a relationship with her then her concerns should become your concerns to an extent. Granted you have no legal obligation to stand by her, but at the very least you have a moral obligation to support her while she handles her family obligations. Just because you can leave your brother's or sister's children helpless doesn't mean that everyone else can, certainly she can't.

    Perhaps in the future you should consider dating only local woman who have no international ties or family in other countries so that situations like this won't become an issue for you.

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  • It's only one month, it'll be over before you know it.

    Threatening her is just going to make her hate you, and possibly dump you (which she probably should do) and you'll end up alone anyway.

    And... she's really deserves your SUPPORT. It's not like she's leaving to get away from you, she's trying to help her family. She sounds like a good person, and you sound selfish. A caring companion would try to comfort her and help her, not threaten her and give her crap for helping family. It sounds like those kids really need her, poor kids :-(

    You're making a complicated and PAINFUL situation even worse for her. You supposedly love her, you should treat her better. I wish her and her cousins the best.

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  • well support her and try to be there with her in every possible way

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  • If I'd been woman enough to travel to a foreign country and take care of children in my family at the tender young age of 18, I'd expect my man to be proud and support me. If he'd told me that if I wasn't back by school that he would break up with me, I'd tell him well then we might as well end it now. My guy was away all last summer and we didn't get to talk very much, made us appreciate each other even more. I know you're only 18 or so but grow up, she obviously is. This will be an interesting, difficult and hopefully rewarding experience for her and you should support her. Quit worrying so much about your own damn self. Relationships are what we can do for the other person, not what they can do for us (if both people think this way, the giving evens out).

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What Guys Said 1

  • I'm happy to read this update, and I'll leave you with some parting words an old veteran once told me. "Never live with regrets of what could of been, instead always follow your heart. It will lead you down paths you think are to rocky their not, it'll lead you down dirt roads you feel are too muddy they ain't just throw it in granny gears. It'll lead you down a path to being a new person and you'll look back on your trails and thank GOD that he gave you that messed up road to go on and you'll be happy and mature once you get there. This tale comes with a warning it won't be the last of your off the beaten road paths so gas up and load up your ammo cause you gotta fight for what the heart wants."-- My Grandfather. I'll never forget that man and I live by his teachings, best of luck to you my friend and may your heart lead you to your own bumpy road.

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