Cutting my ex's supp. cards... feel bad though I know it's my right?

Me and my ex work very hard but I still earn more than him. I have a stable job while he has his own business. Before we broke up, I agreed to let him have supplementary credit cards under me. He is a very bad pay master not only for the credit cards but also when it comes to paying our necessary bills like rent, utilities etc. We broke up almost one year now but we only stopped communicating a few months back. I guess I still care about him because he have many other redeeming qualities plus we were together for a very long time and we had always been good friends until a few months back when he realized I don't want to give him another chance. I've always excused his bad habit because I loved him but I decided I cannot live like that anymore, being the responsible one to pay for EVERYTHING important every time. I have been deliberating for months whether to cancel the supplementary cards I let him have. We did talk about it before and I agreed to let him continue using it provided he pay every month. I know it's kinda stupid of me but I monitored it and noticed he has been using it for gas mostly (it kind of made me a little sad thinking things must be hard for him) but today I decided enough is enough. I called the bank and cancelled his cards. The last time he paid was in Feb. I kept paying hundreds every month so that my name will not be blacklisted and yet the cards are still maxed out. I'm feeling a mix of relief and yet worry for him right now. Anyone been in this situation? Did I do the right thing? I'm not in love with him anymore but I still feel sorry for him because I know he is probably struggling financially. You know how some couples break up and one feel the financial strain after. Since our breakup, I have enjoyed financial freedom I've not had all those years we were together. Is that why a part of me feel bad about what I did today?


Most Helpful Guy

  • yes, always one person makes more money, and when you break up, you're both poorer, but the one makikng the most money suddenly is payigng only for him/herself, so tghey might feel financially well off suddenly. The other person has to accept a decline in their life style.

    It's normal to feel bad for him in this situation, but you've done more than he could have expected.

    Let yourself feel sad for a few days, then toss all the ;paper work from the cards away and tell yourself, you'll never think about his extra cards again.

    • Thanks. Since our breakup he has been learning to be independent. I guess having me take care of all the necessary details made him take things for granted. Hopefully without the credit cards now, he will learn to be serious about changing, for his own sake.

    • Exactly right. He needs to manage his own affairs, and not depend on you as if you were his mother!

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What Guys Said 1

  • You may not been in the situation yourself but you know him well enough to know how he must be feeling and those are not positive emotions. You're empathic for his situation. It's completely normal and it's apart of being a good person. I think it was the right thing to do, unfortunately, the right things for us don't always feel like the best things.

    • My only hope is he is OK. I am sad we cannot be friends anymore because it was complicated enough when I moved on emotionally first but to have the credit cards to still link us together when we are not even speaking and he hasn't been paying made me a little irritated. I just really hope he know the right thing to do for himself. I also feel bad I did not inform him first that I cancelled his cards. I am willing to let go of the thousands he owe me, painfully, as long as he's alright.

What Girls Said 2

  • well you made the right choice. you are a good person that's why you feel bad but he was taking advantage of it.

    • Yes, that's why I decided enough is enough. I had to get out before I'm stuck forever in that situation.

  • yes, because you know he can't enjoy that financual freedom

    • I do want him to live comfortably. I stayed with him for a very long time because I was partly worried about him. Then I realized our relationship had bigger issues. Something wasn't right. Well, I hope he's happy. Me, I'm Ms. independent. Just need a guy who genuinely loves me and not take advantage of me.

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