So lets say you met this guy and started talking to him on a regular basis. After Facebook stalking him you realize he was in jail at one point and when you look into it further, find out he has a battery charge on his record from 2 years ago against his ex girlfriend. On the other hand, this guy is a full time dad and seems to love his son to death. When confronted about the battery situation, he refuses to talk about it because he says its something "he's so ashamed of." My question is...do you think people can really change? Would you be completely freaked out and stop talking to him immediately or would you give him the benefit of the doubt that he has actually changed and write it off as mistake? Personally...I have a misdemeanor drug charge...but I would never want somebody to look at me and say "oh I would never date you because your a drug addict" honestly...I very rarely smoke and it was just a matter of me being stupid and being in the wrong place at the wrong time (I know everyone says that but it's the truth.) That's not me...so could this be another one of those cases? Like his ex girlfriend got pissed and called him in? Opinions...
Most Helpful Girl
I would be very apprehensive about dating someone who has a record for domestic abuse.
Here are some of the things that I'd consider:
1. Was he upfront and honest about it, or did I find out about it through other means? Or in the very least, if I did found out about it through other means, I'd want the first thing out of his mouth to be something along the lines of, "I was waiting for the right time to talk to you about that" (provided it was still very early into us seeing each other). Honesty is very important to me, and I wouldn't want to date someone who tried to hide something like that from me.
2. Is he willing to talk to me about it? You said that this guy refuses to talk about it. That would be a red flag to me. It's good that he feels ashamed about it, and I can understand it being hard to talk about, but I'd only consider dating him if he was willing to talk to me about it and ease my concerns.
3. Did he get professional help? I would only consider dating a guy who did.
4. How long ago was it? The closer to the present it is, the less likely I'd be to consider dating him.
5. What was the nature of it? I think there's a difference between, say, they were fighting, he slapped her, she called the police, and he never did it again... or if he caused significant injury to her, or if it was something that happened more than once.
If I did date him, I would be on high alert for any red flags and I would want to take things very slowly. Though, feeling like I needed to be on high alert might be enough for me to think its not worth it.
Anyway, this is all very hypothetical. I can't say for sure what I would do in that situation. I'm leaning toward no, but I suppose there may be a situation where I'd be willing to give the guy a cautious chance.0