Taking the initiative and making the first move(s)?

I feel like I'm the one that's always making the first move in my relationship.

I was the first to make contact

The first to text

Our first kiss was that cute/awkward about to kiss then back out kinda thing (so I'm not sure)

First to approach sex

First to say "I love you" (he's response was "i've been waiting a long time to say that")

...and I'm not usually the aggressive kind of woman

I feel like we're ready for some new steps (sexually). But I kinda wish that he would 'make the move' for once.

Anyways, I'm just curious how everyone here feels about about making the first move(s). You speak as generally about it or as specific to my situation as you like.

For instance; are you usually the one to make the first move in these circumstances I mentioned above? Do you prefer it this way or wish it was the opposite gender? If you have a preference to a specific gender to any of these which is it and why? Any strong beliefs or "rules" you follow on this topic? (i.e. "the guy should be the first to...," or "the girl should be..," ).

Any insight on why a guy might always let the woman set the pace? I mean I get that its suppose to be an equal opportunity kind of society these days (and I applaud that), but for EVERYTHING?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I feel it should be more equal, as in the guy you are describing should be putting in more effort since you did your part, 50/50, me being a guy I get sick and tired as to how most girls expect guys to be pro-active and pursue them, ask them out, initiate, they expect us to initiate the date and relationship, because they and life make it out to be that is part of being a Man, unfortuneately, I don't get it, but now you see what we guys have to go through

    • Well in my case, speaking from past experience. I usually let the guy me the first to go for whatever "it" is but after that first time, I have no problem being proactive after that, like the 2nd time "it" occurs.

      But I agree, it should be 50/50.

    • Show All
    • remember that these stupid traditionalist believe that our testicles give us magical bravery and power

    • yeah, the way I see it, so f***in' what if we have testosterone? just because we have it doesn't mean we have to use it

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • Im a pretty open minded person, but I prefer the traditional ways on this one. I think that the guy should be the person to ask the girl out, or if that never really happened, be the first to kiss. I would feel totally emasculated if a girl kissed me first.

  • I'm always the first one to walk through the door and I've got mostly good experiences to show from it.

  • You won't get much sympathy from guys on this since it's almost always the opposite, with men having to take the initiative. Women like you are rare.


What Girls Said 2

  • Well, for what it's worth that sounds like my husband and me. We had been friends for about 6 years, both dating others during that time. His sister was my best friend so we were all together a LOT. I had always been attracted to him and though he never made any overt indication that he felt the same toward me, I just had a feeling that he did. Finally when we were both 'single', I made the first move. I actually climbed into bed with him one night and just started groping *L* and that was SO not like me. I had always been backward and shy around men. For some reason that night, I decided it was either now or never and I didn't want to be an old woman and wonder "what if" about him. In fact, I even brought up marriage first by telling him I was OK with things the way they were but that I was in love with him and would like a much more permanent relationship and if he didn't feel the same way, I really needed to know if we had a future or not. He said he felt the same and later that week, he said "we might as well just do it." We've been married 33 years now.

    This was the first and only time I ever took the initiative in a relationship. (I had been engaged twice before) Would I rather have had him sweep me off my feet with romance and have been pursued and 'courted'... yes. Probably because that's the way it's presented to little girls as we're growing up. We've talked about it over the years and he said if I hadn't started things, he would have eventually. Part of his resistance to setting the pace had been that he always saw me as being with someone. Both previous fianc├ęs had become friends with him through knowing me. He had been involved with a married (though getting divorced) woman before we got involved and it had been pretty ugly when her husband found out she was seeing him before the divorce was final. With that history and being the type of man he is, he saw me as 'off limits' since I was engaged during most of the time we knew each other. I don't know your situation as to any background, but this is what he says kept HIM from starting things. Hope that helps a little.

    • Well it's a super cute story :) but I know that's not really it. We pretty much started dating from the gecko...though (again) I was the one that made things official, and it took me about three weeks to get there because again...I guess he's just not that type. It's interesting though, that could've been us (virgos in reverse), because we do have mutual friends, it just took us along time to cross paths, ha. He has also been engaged twice before, and involved with a married (but separated wome)

  • wait for him to make a move,


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