Forced to break up with boyfriend of three years

I am head over heels in love with my boyfriend. It sounds cliche, but he is my whole world. He's my best friend, my confidant.

There's just one problem. His mother. She hates me. I ran into her at the store the other day and told me, "I don't want you around anymore. I don't care how you do it, but you will break up with my son. I don't want you to show your face around here after the fourth."

She went on to tell me that she would not allow her son to see me or have any contact with me, Facebook, calling, or otherwise, after the fourth.

She is a very intimidating woman. She has me by a foot and about forty pounds. That, combined with the fact that she's always been very cold toward me, despite my attempts to win her over, make me very afraid of her. I've done nothing for the past three years but try to win her affection. His father and his sisters and their husbands and his cousins - basically his entire family loves me. Except her. Everything that he does wrong (a bad grade/a poor swim time) is my fault to her even though we don't attend the same school.

I'm basically devastated. I went home and cried about it. I haven't mentioned it to him. They're having me over for the fourth so she can watch me break up with him in person.

Only I'm not going to be able to do it without crying. She said she'd let me in their house, watch me break up with him, then I'd have to get out.

I'm just a mess. He was the one, you know? We were discussing marriage in the future. I know none of you are going to believe this, but I'm not going to be with anyone else. I'd been crushing on him since I was twelve. I'm twenty now. I just can't imagine my life without him in it. He was the one person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. And she just shut that door in my face.

I know we're both adults so we can do whatever we want, but he still lives at home and so we have to follow his parent's wishes.

I spoke to my parents about it and all they had to say was, "Buck up. You have to respect her wishes."

So...I'm not sure what my question is here, but I haven't eaten for the past three days, have been crying the entire time - I can hardly hold it in for work - and have been throwing up because I'm so upset.

I'm just at a total loss. He's been my best friend since I was 12. She wants me to cut him out of my life totally.

How do I break up with him? How do I explain it with her right there? Is there any way not to?

Any advice for me?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • My advice?Get some backbone.His mother is intimidating you because she knows she CAN.She is only doing this because she knows you aren't going to do anything but cry about it.People treat you ONLY how you allow them to.But,I guarantee if you actually got some guts and speak up for yourself,she would fall back and back down.Some people are like that.Anyway,you're grown...but sadly acting like a child.If you want her son,then you need to step up...and HE NEEDS to step up.If both of you are acting like children in this situation,then his mom will continue to dominate.

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What Guys Said 2

  • The only advice I can truly give is follow your heart.

    She can't legally force you or him to do anything, only ask for you to respect those wishes, and if you want to be with him which it sounds like you do than nothing should be standing in your way.

    That's pretty much all I can say.

    Just forget what your parents say, forget what his parents say, and forget what everyone else says. Just listen to what you say, and go with that.

    You're the only one that you need to listen to, it's you that's making the decision.

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  • I'd go to the family gathering and tell all of them what she said to you. Embarrass her in front of the whole family.

    Why break up if the rest of the family is on your side? After you've said your piece to the family, you can leave unless they want you to stay. Probably they'll all want to discuss what happened without your being there, but it's hard to predict.

    Of course she has no right to tell her son or you what to do in your personal lives, so I'd not agree to meekly accept her decision. I'd fight her in this public way. Her being intimidating won't help her in front of everyone else. Hopefully the rest of the family will tell her to stop giving orders.

    At this point, it's out of your hands..see what the fallout is!

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What Girls Said 5

  • What does your boyfriend feel about you breaking up with him because of his mother?

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  • you own you self and own your emotion to tell him everything happened in that day at the store ,i have been through what you do to your self that ended me on the hospital like died person ,please stop harm your self and try to be real to say whole truth .maybe he will choose your side and put line to his mother to never touch you or intimidating you ,

    stop harming you self and call to meet his as possible you can defend on your dream girl and be strong enough to win his heart but first of all tell him to see his decide

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  • just do what you feel would make you happy later and won't regret soon

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  • Text him that you need to text or talk to him about something, then tell your boyfriend what his mother said to you...how it made you feel really awful.

    You are an adult and your boyfriend is an adult. If he really cares about you, he wouldn't go with his mother's wishes/what his mother thinks about you...which is highly probable in my opinion, because you guys were discussing marriage...a guy is usually quite serious about someone when he discusses marriage with her!

    If I was a guy and I was in that situation, I would tell my mom, "You know what? I love you, but I'm in love with ______, and her and I are going to stay together...whether you like it or not, because I'm in love with _______ and she makes me really, really happy...I'm sure you'd want your son to be happy."

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  • well just trust your gut. do what you think its best, don't give a up the chance of a good thing just becasue of that.

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