Really need advice please

Started talking to a girl at work in April as just friends, the more we talk the more we realized we had in common and the more we got along. Ended up getting her number and for a few weeks we texted for hours each night before finally meeting up at the park by her house. She had a boyfriend and I knew it but as I said we were just friends at the time.

Since then things have snow balled and things have happened between us, we both know we have something great between us and we are together every chance we get, her mother knows I've been over but has not said anything, but I do think she knows what's going on but is rather staying out of her daughters personal life...

She's been with the guy for 9 months and went to the beach with him last month, the trip had been planned for months so I couldn't really do anything about it. She said he was an ass the entire time and she only thought of me.

The problem is, she can't seem to break it off with him, they rarely argue and were friends for years before finally deciding to date. I tried to break it off with her but couldn't do it, I'm too far involved emotionally and with us working together it's just not going to happen.

She agreed that she's scared of what might happen if she did break up with him, what if it didn't work with us and she did it all for nothing, but I told her that's why we take chances, we never know unless we try.

How can I go about helping her through this and hopefully getting what I want in the end without looking like a total ass? I've never met her boyfriend and honestly don't want to. Should I talk to her mom about it? She actually works in the same building and seems to be the only who doesn't know something is up...

I'm just confused right now I guess and looking for some answers.

Thanks

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61

Most Helpful Girl

  • The only way to not be an ASS (I can't use your phrase of come across like an ASS, because it would not be coming across that way, it would be BEING that way), is to stop seeing her. If you have a hand in her breakup, you are a jerk. She shouldn't be cheating but you are cheating with her, that makes you no better. Guess what? If she wanted to leave him, she would. They probably had a great day at the beach but she wasn't about to tell YOU that. Have some pride and walk away. If she comes back to you AFTER ending things with him on her own time, then it's perfectly OK to date her. If you try to 'help her along' to break up with him, you're not being a good person.

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What Girls Said 5

  • I hate to say it, but it really sounds like she's playin you both. My advice would be to walk away - you deserve better and you know it.

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    • I don't see that because of when I tried to end it. I had to go back up there later that night but went nowhere near her, she seen me from the back and was crying in the middle of the store afterwards.

  • move on man

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  • i would just look for another girl

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  • move on to a more decent girl

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  • you can't do anything, she needs to chose herself to break up with him, to me it seems as she is just giving excuses, if she really did like you she would have broken up with him long ago, she wants to have her cake and eat it too

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What Guys Said 1

  • never interfere with the relationships of others when your motives are purely selfish. If this guy hurt her, cheated on her, etc then maybe you have a position but right now you two are the one's behaving badly.

    tell her that you can't continue building something when she has another guy. and in fact you should really question being with a girl who will betray her boyfriend, because very often a girl who betrays once will do it again.

    I'd back off, force her to make a decision because right now she is double dipping. Who knows what she tells her boyfriend, because I doubt she is telling you the truth about this stuff. I mean if she was really so into you she would've done what she needed to do, and she was so into him she wouldn't be doing what she is doing with you.

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