Inconsiderate fiance?

Not sure about this one, but here it goes. My fiance and I have been engaged for several months now and are in the midst of planning our wedding. The only thing, though, is that there are several things that she does that raises my eyebrow and make me wonder if it's just my insecurities or if I legitimately have a reason to be concerned.

I have been in relationships where I've been cheated on, taken advantage of, etc. and have taken time (years) to try to appreciate myself. Solo time is definitely a nice thing when it comes to figuring out what you want in life.

Moving on, I met my fiance online and instantly fell in love. Long story short, she's my best friend and I want to share all my experiences with her. So much so that when she moved across the country, I dropped everything to move with her.

She is a teacher and thus has free summers whereas because I switched jobs, I have a limited number of vacation days which are reserved for one vacation and travel back home for Christmas. Of course, this make things difficult when planning for vacations especially since she has more than I do. The summer, she decided to head home for 4 weeks after we had our week long vacation together, while I would be working. 4 weeks is a long time and I was really concerned about it, but didn't want to really say too much because it just didn't seem fair to her to want her to spend less time heading home (2 weeks) just so that I could enjoy our us time. Plus her being free during the summer would've opened up more time for us to do things without us worrying about both of us having to wake up in the morning (we're normally in bed before 9:30 every night). I tried dropping subtle hints (I know, direct communication is always the better choice) in saying that I wish she wouldn't go for so long, etc. But, of course that didn't work. Now it's just making me miserable that she's gone for so long. I try to put myself in her shoes, but all I keep coming back to is that all I'd want to do is spend my time with her and starting our lives together. I understand we're not married and couples need time apart to better grow together, but it just seems like a really long time to want to spend away from someone you're supposed to be spending the rest of your life with. I plan on voicing my unhappiness about the whole situation when she comes back (I would rather face-to-face).
Updates:
Thanks for all the answers. I'm definitely too much in my head about the whole situation and need to be direct with her about how I feel rather than beating around the bush.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • My boyfriend and I are the exact same situation as yours, except were not engaged yet and I'm not planning on to visit my country for one month. But I'm very sure he will flip out if I say one month.. Lol

    He goes his business trip quiet often and it usually takes one week.. And he can't even wait to see me and goes crazy during that time so I can understand how you feel.

    On the other side, I do understand your fiancé too.. If you get married and have kids, she will barely have time to visit her family and friends. And I guess she wants to spend quality times with her loved ones before she gets married. We all know marriage will change your life lol

    I know it is hard but let her enjoy her time there and you too enjoy your time here without her.

    If you can't accept it, talk to her about it.. If my fiancé asked me to not stay there for so long, I would consider to come back maybe a week earlier at least..

    Don't worry too much. Since I am in the same shoes as hers,I can tell you there's nothing you should worry that she's being inconsiderate. You are engaged. Why would you so worry about it instead talk to her directly and figure it out.

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What Girls Said 4

  • I don't think she realizes how much it is affecting you. She loves you, and just sees it as an opportunity to see her family. How about, instead of "confronting" her, you give her the puppy eyes and say "Who's going to take care of me while you're gone?"

    That will make her realize how very much you need her, while giving her the perspective she is currently blind to. Plus, it will rub her ego a tiny bit... in a good way.

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  • Nah, I think you're making a big deal out of it and being clingy.

    Yes, you miss her. I'm sure she misses you too. But it's okay for couples to spent time apart from each other, in fact, I think its a good thing. 4 weeks really isn't that long, and frankly, you're planning to spend the rest of your lives together---4 weeks out of the rest of your lives isn't long at all. Further, I imagine that she has more than just a month off from work, so she's probably spending more of the summer WITH you than she is going to be spending it going home to visit.

    It sounds like you're thinking, "We're getting married, so we should be together all the time". Why? Why does wanting to spend your life with someone mean that you have to spend all your time with that person? You're still your own persons and you don't have to be attached at the hip at all times. The two of you are committed to each other, and that means you CAN spend time apart without worrying that its going to hurt your relationship.

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  • you should just really tell her everything.

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  • i think she doesn't really understand you and what is affecting you, if you can't get past it don't marry

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