Showing up to my ex's place

Essentially, I was abused by an ex boyfriend which caused a lot of problems in our relationship that I didn't deal with, and my current boyfriend ended it because he said he couldn't trust me. I never really tried to explain about the abuse, and want him to know so I can get closure. I'm going to be in his city (we lived cross country from each other) next weekend. Can I show up to his place, ask him for just a few minutes of his time, and then promise to leave?


0|0
35

Most Helpful Guy

  • Whoa, time out! Bad idea.

    Showing up to anyone's house unannounced is a huge red flag and immediately puts the person on the defensive.

    Email him or call and leave a message and tell him you want to talk to him about some things. You don't want to get back together, but there are some things you want to discuss about the relationship and why you acted the way you did.

    He may not be responsive. And if he is not, then don't force it. Take it as a lesson for your next relationship to let the guy you are dating know about things like that up front.

    I've dated women who have been in previously abusive relationships. If you don't know about it as the boyfriend, you have no idea why your girlfriend suddenly turned cold and unresponsive because of something you said or did that was unintentional on your part but triggered feelings in her. As the boyfriend, you are walking blindfolded through a mine field. And a lot of women don't say anything to the next boyfriend until it's too late and the boyfriend has had enough of not knowing what he did wrong with no explanation.

    Having been in an abusive relationship is nothing to be ashamed of. And letting your next boyfriend know about it will make him aware and at least let him know when something triggers those old feelings in you that is nothing personal that he did to cause it.

    0|1
    0|0
    THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE

Recommended Questions

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 4

  • Explain your situation, however randomly showing up will set off red warning lights quicker then you can say hi. coordinate with him beforehand and he will be much more likely to hear you out

    0|0
    0|0
  • no you cant, that's a bit weird, call first and ASK if you can show up

    0|0
    0|0
  • Showing up without letting him know might irritate him to the point where he doesn't want to be receptive to you. You mentioned he had trust issues with you, so if you are afraid that he won't want to see you because of those issues, then perhaps a written letter via snail mail would suffice for partial closure for you. That way, he can read it, and have time to consider your words before letting an initial reaction take hold of his judgement. Make sure it's snail mail though, that way he will know you took the extra time... It's more personal than email.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I'm sorry for your current predicament, but showing up to someone's home unannounced is never a good idea. Ask him first if he'd be willing to sit down and have a conversation so you can get some closure.

    0|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 3

  • i think you can.

    1|0
    0|0
  • dont do it

    0|0
    0|0
  • yes do it.

    0|0
    0|0

Recommended myTakes

Loading...