Essentially, I was abused by an ex boyfriend which caused a lot of problems in our relationship that I didn't deal with, and my current boyfriend ended it because he said he couldn't trust me. I never really tried to explain about the abuse, and want him to know so I can get closure. I'm going to be in his city (we lived cross country from each other) next weekend. Can I show up to his place, ask him for just a few minutes of his time, and then promise to leave?
Most Helpful Guy
Whoa, time out! Bad idea.
Showing up to anyone's house unannounced is a huge red flag and immediately puts the person on the defensive.
Email him or call and leave a message and tell him you want to talk to him about some things. You don't want to get back together, but there are some things you want to discuss about the relationship and why you acted the way you did.
He may not be responsive. And if he is not, then don't force it. Take it as a lesson for your next relationship to let the guy you are dating know about things like that up front.
I've dated women who have been in previously abusive relationships. If you don't know about it as the boyfriend, you have no idea why your girlfriend suddenly turned cold and unresponsive because of something you said or did that was unintentional on your part but triggered feelings in her. As the boyfriend, you are walking blindfolded through a mine field. And a lot of women don't say anything to the next boyfriend until it's too late and the boyfriend has had enough of not knowing what he did wrong with no explanation.
Having been in an abusive relationship is nothing to be ashamed of. And letting your next boyfriend know about it will make him aware and at least let him know when something triggers those old feelings in you that is nothing personal that he did to cause it.1