Someone please try to decipher all of my ex's actions..

Ok, so here's the short and skinny on what happened.

I'm in the National Guard. My ex and I were together for 3 years. Totally in love, wanted to move to a bigger city together, get married, etc.. I got into a nursing program in that city (two hours away), and had to either move for school or deploy. It was an easy choice, but I didn't tell her exactly why because she has major anxiety issues. She was all about moving, but was hoping to do it with me. She's a pharmacy tech but went to school for communications, so it's not exactly what she wants to be doing, but moving to a bigger city would be a stepping stone.

After I moved, she was unhappy about it all. Her job search wasn't going so hot either. Her friends that still lived at home began to push another guy on her and made every attempt to break us up. Eventually, one set back too many came along and she broke up with me. She cited needing to figure herself out and me leaving as the main reasons.

Two months later, after our Anniversary, Christmas and New Years had passed, she missed me so much she started talking to me again. She said she cried every single day for two months, but was still unhappy with herself and what happened. When we first met up, I explained why I left and she took some time, but forgave me. Soon after that night, the truth about her friends' actions came out and she was hurt by the news.

Things were going great. Talking every day, meeting up when we can. She was applying to jobs and we were looking at apts again. We even spent a weekend together. But all along, she said she still wasn't happy with herself and "felt nothing about anything and didn't know what she wanted."

Suddenly, after our weekend together, she began to essentially phase me out over a span of two weeks and eventually told me she didn't want to talk anymore. Next thing I know, she was dating someone else that she had just met that lives an hour and a half from her.

That went south, and the next week she got her own apartment and started messaging me again. She asked where I was moving to, with who, how I could afford it, etc... When we met up, though, it went from "I don't love you anymore" (to which I flat out called her a liar), to "it just won't work"(gave no particular reason) to "i'm not in the right frame of mind and still not OK, and upset about what happened with us." The whole conversation, she seemed distraught and choked back tears a few times. I told her I still love her and want her to be happy, but I want to be happy too.

Ever since, she hasn't spoken to me, but has commented/liked a few of my Facebook statuses and messaged me about my dog being in the hospital. Last week, for 4th of July, I messaged her a simple "Happy 4th" and have had no response yet, although I know she saw it (it tells you when it's been seen).

What happened? Why has she interacted with me on fb but won't message me back? What do I do? What is going on in her head and heart? So many other questions...
Also, if anyone has any questions for me, feel free to ask and I'll answer as best I can. I know that sometimes to help, you need more info, so ask away. Thanks.


Most Helpful Girl

  • She's just confused.You have to decide if you really love her or ..not so much anymore ...

    If you really love her, you have to be patient enough till she figures out what she wants and if she wants you.

    Apparently, change is not her thing.Neither is long distance relationships she needs stability.Now can you give that to her?

    If you want to talk more, message me.I went through a similar thing.

    • I do love her still, like crazy. When I asked why she got her own apartment, she told me "well if I'm going to be stuck here, I don't want to live with my parents anymore." I would love to be with her, but I wasn't given two very good options. it was either A) not go to school, deploy, be across the world from her or B) move and go to school and be two hours away until she could get a job she was OK with.

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What Girls Said 5

  • I had a simular problem.. well kind of except he was insecure and my god I still love him so much but his head is in the wrong place and he's also in another relationship which id call unstable but that's just my opinion. She in my opinion is going through some physcological issues. Have you concidered maybe she's depressed? Anxiety and depression come together in many cases. She knows you love her and I think just leave it be my advice is if she comes back again like before tell her she needs to either open up trust and talk to you about how she's deeply and emotionally feeling and listen or she has to walk away for good.. forever. We as humans can't help how we feel and sometimes we get confused and just need a lot of downs before we get back up. You seem like such a good guy I wish you all the best. Ps depression can make people turn away from those they carw and love the most. I know. I have suffered it since I'm 16. Hope it helps.

    • the two things that I've known she's been suffering from since we started talking on new years and tried working ourselves out before she suddenly dated someone else we depression and indecisiveness. as you know, it just makes it so impossible to be the person who loves him or her. I want to run to her but I know she'll push me away and tell me she doesn't love me. I know she does tho. would you agree?

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    • Its not a game its you giving yourself some 'me time' your focused on her a lot you need a little focus on yourself as well :)

    • So the funniest thing happened. Yesterday, two girls friended me on Facebook and I also changed my picture. About an hour later, she messaged me and said "I still have your desk chair, let me know if you want it." Just like she gave no response to my happy 4th message, I ignored. Now when she first messaged me, it was about returning some of my things, but she still had my chair. Anyway, today she message me "or just read my message and not answer..." What should I make of this?

  • she sounds confused , just give her space and be supportive.

  • she doesn't know what she wants.

    • it's the worst for us men when the one we love is indecisive.. what can we do?

  • i think she sjust unsure of her feelings

  • Maybe when she got back with you she realized that she didn't really want you back


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