Does he understand/accept that its over?

After 5 years, I broke it off with my ex. We'd previously broken up the summer before for a month and only agreed to get back together when he promised to go to therapy for his emotionally abusive and controlling tenancies.

The last year was great. It took him a little time to accept that I'd still have feelings/flashbacks about the way he previously treated me, but the explosive anger, name calling and constant need to control the relationship had ended. It was like he just needed to know I wasn't going to put up with it any more. The thought of losing me again was enough. He was the model boyfriend. The guy I fell in love with in the first year of our relationship. I loved it so much, I stopped asking him about therapy and by month 4, he stopped going.

Last month, I noticed he started back-sliding. It was like he got tired of trying to be a good boyfriend and started making comments. They weren't as bad as they used to be so I ignored it. Then, he started getting mad at me if I expressed anger or frustration. It was a major red flag. We fought about it. He used all the same tactics I had broken up with him for, except that he didn't scream or yell. So, when I lost my cool, I was the crazy one. I started to feel like therapy and reading up on emotional abuse had taught him how to mask his abusive tendencies.

Right before our break up, in casual conversation, he mentioned how he didn't "need me". When I said, well I hope you at least want to be with me, he back tracked and said he'd always fight for me. I was confused and a little hurt so I just said that I didn't need him either.

The final straw was his refusal to attend a family party because he wasn't crazy about the guest list. It was a stipulation last summer when we got back together that he would make an effort with them. It was his first real opportunity to show them he'd changed, and he wouldn't go. Further more, he began to insult me and degrade me and tried to justify his unwillingness to attend.

I asked him to leave my house and told him it was over. I unlinked our bank account and social media the same day. He seemed like he didn't believe me when he left. He left his Facebook as "in a relationship" for the last two weeks, so says my bff, even though I de-friended him. We haven't talked since I made him leave.

So, after that long-winded story, do you think he has accepted we are over?


Most Helpful Guy

  • don't know but what his Facebook says is really irrelevant.

    and just a note, I don't think he decided to go back to his old ways, people who are abusive or easily angered don't make those decisions it is their brain synapses reacting. so it's about re-training the brain or at least figuring out ways to handle the feeligns you have when they start rising.

    ...anyway. I imagine he holds out hope that things will get better and you will take him back. But I think for you sake if you truly have accepted it's over you should just move forward and not concern yourself with things like Facebook status's and what not. Make your clean break and start putting the relationship in the past


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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • I don't think Facebook means anything. Is he an active user? Maybe he just doesn't notice that it says that - if he doesn't visit his own profile, he may not notice. Or he doesn't care.

    OR, maybe he IS in a relationship. With someone else.

    Let it go and don't worry about someone who is abusive towards you. No one deserves that.


What Girls Said 2

  • you can't know form htat

  • Facebook doesn't show what he really would like to say, it just shows what people want to seem like


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