I use to date this girl months ago for a month. We are in our mid 20s. Things just didn't seem to work out at that time. At one point, we stopped talking to one another when she gave me the "let's just be friends speech". She also claimed she felt no 'spark' We eventually went back to talking to each other. Since then, we have grown VERY close together. We talk more, hug, and even kissed on occasions. We have even fooled around on occasions. Yet, she would say she doesn't want a relationship. Finally, I got tired of all the going back and forth. I asked her what she was thinking about us. She said she cares about me a lot and likes me. She does have feelings for me and they have grown over time. However, she doesn't want to be in a relationship. She feels bad she has hurt me and apologized constantly. She said that in this 'race' she is the turtle and that I shouldn't wait for her. Instead, whatever happens, happens. She is a firm believer in things happening naturally. A few weeks later, we have sex. She wanted one night (it was her birthday) of no consequence and just fun. We were both sober and were in the moment. afterward, we lay in bed talking. She told me how we're not together and she doesn't want to be in a relationship. She is afraid of being hurt. Her last relationship (years ago AND the last time she had sex supposedly) ended badly and she doesn't want to be in that position again. She even went on to name reasons we shouldn't be together. Yet, on the way home, we held hands occasionally and would kiss frequently. I accept I can't change her mind and it is out of my control. However, EVERYONE thinks we should be together. Her friends and coworkers have all told her that I am a great guy (which I am) and would be great for her. Everyone seems to be on board with the idea of 'us' except for her. I was just wondering if any other women have been in a similar situation. If so, what thoughts were going through your mind? Why would you go back and forth between your heart and mind as in this case? I care about her deeply and only want her to be happy. Thanks for any advice/feedback. I appreciate it!
Most Helpful Girl
It's evident that you care a lot about her! I'm not sure because this could go a couple ways. You could wait for her, and she may come around (yay!). But I would put a mental limit on yourself: no sex, no staying over night, don't pay for her all meals , and only "wait " for six months etc.
You could back step and ask her to monogamously date you? I feel like this may not scare her as much, and after a while the relationship would "naturally" go from dating to relationship.
Another more drastic tactic is to talk to other women / see other women. But that's risky.
Show her that you won't hurt her, gain her total trust.
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