How to forget about your ex?

I went through a break up last year and today I feel like I got a big set back. I got really emotional about not being able to go to an event because he'll likely be there. I'm pissed he's still affecting me like this, even when I 've made significant progress. Maybe it's because I technically haven't started getting over him until 4 months ago (I had to begin the healing process all over again since we used to talk a month after the break up but then he quit texting me). I'm tired of caring about my ex and thinking about him and I want to stop. How do I convince myself to stop caring? How do I make him dead to me like I am to him?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I just went through a rough breakup and I know how hard it is to stop caring and thinking and stressing... I think time is one of the best healers, but here are some other things that will help you:

    1. Date other people, even if you don't feel ready for another serious relationship yet. Just date, get to know people, and get a reminder that you are attractive and have your whole future ahead of you.

    2. Take care of yourself, physically and mentally, and work on putting your best foot forward. Use this transition to improve yourself and your life, instead of looking at it as a failure or something that's worse than before.

    3. Distract yourself with hobbies, friends, and family. Don't get stuck thinking you can't have fun without him, because that's just not true. Fill your life with things you love, especially things that keep your mind occupied.

    4. If you are cutting off contact (and it's a good idea to do so), do it completely. Don't check his Facebook page, don't google him, don't ask his friends how he is. Don't email, text, or call. Try not to spend much time with mutual friends or people who remind you of him, at least for now. You need a total break, a rest, a chance for your mind and heart to reset. Then you will regain emotional strength and be less affected when you do run into him later.

    5. Try getting your feelings out of your system by writing in a journal. This can help provide closure, and sometimes when I write something down, it's easier for me to stop thinking about. Talking to a trusted friend could also be helpful.

    I hope this helps! Breakups are hard- I just found out just how hard for the very first time and I'm still learning to deal with it. But all of the above tips have helped me to make progress and remain optimistic. It will take time, though- getting over something like that doesn't happen overnight. Be patient, cut yourself some slack, and realize that it's normal to be feeling the way you do. Good luck!

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What Guys Said 2

  • My brother and his ex broke up and he went through a hard time. He couldn't get over that she left him for another guy. What got him through it was he had his friends to cheer him up. Plus he went out and didn't just moop about it. He broke all contact with the girl, throwing away pictures, letters, not calling her. He meet someone else online and it took his mind off his ex. They eventually started dating and so forth. You'll never forget your ex, no matter what. It's sorta built inside your mind.

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  • Coming from a guy who is still missing his ex girlfriend for about 8 months already. I can tell you that time heals everything. As of now just do your thing, try to do you and don't worry about anything else. I always think about my ex girlfriend every day but is not the same anymore I think about her and everything we did. But looking at it now I wouldn't go back out with her because things would never be the same. just try to focus on doing different things like the ladies over here have said. Eventually you'll just see him as a friend, as a stranger, as your past nothing else.

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What Girls Said 7

  • Oh thank god I'm not alone I know exactly how you feel. I struggle to do anything incase I bump into him. My ex is in a relationship with someone I dislike from something separate. It kills me. Look I won't advice because I'm simular to you but I will say what I would do. I would avoid him even if it means missing a gig or a night out. The pain/hurt isn't worth it. Iv had 3 set backs with my ex. I am so sick of it at this stage I wished I looked at him like a stranger I wished I didn't like him at all but unfortunetly we can't control or feelings but we can act on them. Us types have to start again when we hit the set back. No contact. Delet num. Don't ask about them don't talk about them. Have no memories. Keep busy. Focus on more important things. Constant distraction. Its a healing process. Your not alone and feel free to mail me if you need a vent or just a chat. I'm OK now I'm at the stage that I don't think abour him much but I can have days where I think of an excuse just to text but I'm stronger once I follow the 'healing' and I hate heaeing it but its true. Times a healer x

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  • "How do I make him dead to me like I AM TO HIM?" That's exactly what's going wrong. You're still obsessing over how he views you. This is going to sound a little cold but it's what's gotten me out of dark places. It's all in your control. You can decide to stop feeling, caring, whatever. Trying to make him dead to you is aiming for hate. That is still a feeling and a very strong one. You just have to wake up tomorrow morning and not give a flying f*** about anything to do with him or anything he did to/with you. You wouldn't even consider avoiding an event in case you bump into him. He might as well be an old sock for all you care. You can choose to be indifferent. You are currently choosing to wallow in the pain but it's all in your head. Take the choice, pick yourself up and start treating yourself with the love and compassion you deserve. Sure there will be times when you find yourself brooding over the past but when you see this happening you stop yourself straight away. Remind yourself you're awesome and do any small mental task to get your brain moving in a different direction again. What he thinks of you, firstly is none of your business and secondly does not determine who you are or your worth in the slightest. You can't suit everyone, that's life.

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    • I've tried telling myself daily that I don't care. It hasn't worked. I don't want to not go to things just because he'll be there but is it worth me being uncomfortable and anxious just to prove to him and everyone else that I don't care? What does it matter what they think? They don't care one way or the next. I'm basically aiming at I can't help the way I feel. I can tell myself all these things about not caring etc. It doesn't make it true. I'm going to try what you said regardless.

    • You can't just tell yourself. You have to come to the realization that you can control your thoughts and feelings. It's not a theory. It's fact that you control the chemicals your brain produces. It's about letting things run through you without attaching feelings or interpretations. No you shouldn't go to things to show how good you're doing. Whether he is there on not doesn't matter because you're not just convincing yourself, you are controlling (not fooling) your perspective & feelings.

    • I know it's a difficult one to explain & understand. I guess it's only concrete to me because it's something that came to me after going through hell and back ten times over. Now I know there's a switch in my head that I can turn on or off that allows me to feel or not feel. Not feeling is just observing actions without adding any meaning...kind of based on eliminating the "ladder of inference" around the topic.

  • Time and the effort to want to heal

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  • Try yoga and meditating.

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  • Write a list of the reasons you broke up with him (or if he broke up with you things that made you unhappy in the relationship). Every time you wish he would talk about you or you think about how things used to be, look at the list. NEVER hide from him or stop doing what you want because he is going to be there. If it is going to be awkward make sure he is the one who makes it awkward. If there were things you couldn't do with him or he didn't like you doing, go do them now. As time goes on you'll look at the list less and not regret going somewhere because you thought you might run into him.

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  • try to meet new guys to see that there are better possibilities out there

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  • date other guys to forget about him and tr yot socialize and get other hobbies.

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