Why is it that with out alcohol I don't want any one else but him?

It was a long distance relationship we met one time.

I cheated on him. Purely on being greedy before we physically met. ( I drank alcohol a lot of it to avoid the guilty feeling) The first time I slept with someone else before we physically met. He had broken up with me. But had a "Feeling" that I did something so he asked me and I was honest. He was happy that I was honest but I could tell he was mad/hurt by the way he was acting and he said that he was. The second and last time I tried to hid it. Until he broke up with me then I wanted him to be pissed Literally less then 24 hours later he started posting pictures of him and other girls saying love my baby but only to piss me off. So I went the immature route to and made it so he knew.

After he broke up with me I was extremely depressed. 1) my mom told me I have to move out and I'm the kind of girl that's scared of a lot of things. Being alone in a house would be one. 2) I liked him a lot more then anyone else. ( Last time I felt this depressed was when I was with my ex boyfriend but didn't want to hurt him. Also didn't want to be with him and thought I was stuck with him forever. I really felt like buying a gun and shooting my self would be the only way out he wasn't a bad guy I just didn't love him and every time I tried to explain it to him he would put me on a guilt trip.)

I hooked up with a few people after my ex broke up with me. Most of them were just guys from the past. Those are the only ones I remember there names. And one of them had the same name as my ex so I remember his name. The rest I never saved names in my phone I forgot there names. Every time I had sex with ANYONE after my Long distance boyfriend broke up with me I had to get drunk. I was thinking about it because one day a guy that I had hooked up with previously came over to my house and was trying to get me to have sex with him. But I was sober and couldn't do it.

I drank a lot though after the ex. I was making a lot of money. Spending $1300-$1500 a month on rent/ utilities. anywhere between $200-$500 on alcohol I was getting so drunk every day that I would end up dropping most of my cups on the floor or friends come over and drink some too. And I went out to lunch and dinner everyday. Living Almost paycheck to paycheck. I paid my bills on time. But I also kept $1000 just in case money. ( I could have had more if not for alcohol)

I gained about 30lbs after.

Every time I look at my self naked in the mirror it makes me sick. So I stopped drinking. And Still trying to get back with my ex boyfriend. I haven't hooked up with any one in about 5 months. Nor have I drank.

I tried getting over my ex made a dating profile.

I get cute guys to write me on there. But I feel like I start comparing them to my ex boyfriend and then I don't want them. So I don't reply back. At first I complained about all the guys being ugly. Now I don't know.

I want a relationship but I feel like its so hard to get over him for some reason


Most Helpful Girl

  • maybe because you really see how you are without alcohol because you like him but you can't really accept it

    • I know I like my ex a lot. with or with out alcohol. I think I have accepted that. But he isn't trying to get back with me.

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