Will he come back to me? And if so, should I take him back? I know this is too long, but it's tearing me apart

My ex (19) and I (almost 18) had an amazing relationship of almost 2 years. It was great in every aspect and we could never get enough of each other. I and everyone around us thought we didn't have any problems and that we were inseperable. We just complete each other in a very special way.

We were supposed to do the long-distance thing from October for a year, since he's going to university (after which I would move to the same city, since my dream university is there). However, he confessed to me that he was in love (and had been kissing) with another girl which he met from LoL and broke things off with me feeling very guilty and begging me to stay close.

For the first three days, being broken up didn't change a lot of things. We kept texting each other all the time, talking on the phone together until we fall asleep. We went out and we held hands and kissed as if nothing had changed. He told me multiple times that he still loved me, how he had made his biggest mistake and even implied that we could still be together while he's in university. I tried to ask him things like why he did what he did/what he wants from me/what he wants from her, etc. but he couldn't answer any of them and started crying and apologizing.

On the next day I finally gathered up the courage to break all ties with him, seeing as I couldn't be the second option/an all-forgiving doormat anymore. We haven't had any contact since 10 days ago. He is now in a relationship with the other girl, who by the way is going to another country in 2 months and they're not planning on staying together

I know he still loves me and he's sorry for what he did, etc. And I know the other girl won't be around for too long. And people say, "you never know what you have until it's gone"... so is it possible that he will come back? And if so, should I take him back? I think if those things happened, our relationship would be to fragile for the long-distance thing, but I just can't bring myself to forget him, knowing that he might come back, knowing that a year from now we'll be in the same university and will have a chance to start new.. PLEASE give me some advice.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • If he comes back after the girl left, you'll feel second option, and you'd be right because it would really feel like you're the back up if he comes back to you when the other girl leaves. Even if he comes back now, it's because he knows she'll be leaving soon and he has two girls loving him, one leaving and one who still loves him back and would take him back (as far as he thinks).

    Personally, how hard it would be, I wouldn't take him back right away. He couldn't even answer your questions as to how and why and what not. If he would choose you over her, it would be "easier" to take him back after his kissing and confession of loving her. But he's with her now (yes, you cut off all ties with him, but who knows he could've still seen her while being with you without you knowing) and he made it so complicated for him and you.

    So if I were you, I would agree to stay friends now, still hang out. No kissing, sex, ... a cuddle, sure. But I would need a serious talk about that girl and his feelings for me and her (if I were you then). And see if I could trust him again or not. God knows why he'll come back: because he truly loves you or because the other girl is gone, and whatever he'll say to that, you'll still have that doubt in your mind.

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    THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE
    • I absolutely agree with you. There's no way I would get back with him if a) she dumped him, and he's going back to what's familiar or b) he tries to get back with me a few weeks before she leaves (which is late September). I give him a month from now, tops.

      I cut ties with him in a cold-hearted 33-second phone conversation (without giving him any signs beforehand that I would do so), so I doubt he thinks I would take him back.

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    • I won't. Even at the best circumstances, I would tease him. He wouldn't dare to see her. He fessed up about everything a day after I started showing signs of suspicion.

      I think I did the right thing by cutting him off. People, at all times, want something they can't have, so I decided to become that something for him. And if he really loves me and is worth it, he'll come back

    • I hope so, and don't take him back when you feel you shouldn't. Good luck and I hope things work out!

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What Guys Said 1

  • Why would you take someone back who cheated on you?

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    • because we're young and when you've been in a relationship for 2 years and it's kinda normal to get freaked out and scared of commitment; because he doesn't know what he wants; because we still love each other, because other than that (and the long-distance thing) the relationship was perfect. I know I'm just making excuses for him (despite the fact that I was deeply hurt), but things aren't black and white here.

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    • You might be right and only time will tell. When I'm 43, I'll know if you were right :)) But right now I can't help but hold on to a tiny bit of hope

    • When you're 43, if you're still single - it's gonna be tough to find a guy. Use your youth to your advantage.

What Girls Said 2

  • I think the time apart from each other is good. It'll give the two of you perspective. However, since he cheated on you and has had a relationship for another woman practically while being with you and since he's in love with another woman, I'm not sure that's a good sign for any future relationship you'll have with him. It does seem like the stars are aligning for him and you to ultimately be together though. But the thing with cheaters is, it can happen again like it did before. You both will be at university together but he may find someone else there and do what he did to you before all over again. If you think it's worth risking the hurt to try again with him once y'all are in college, then go ahead and test it. But listen to your gut. If you don't think it's worth it, then don't go through with pursuing a relationship with him again.

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    • Well, someday in the future it might be worth it. The thing is, I can't get over him because of that "someday". We had something quite special and while other couples around us were fighting and separating because of stupid stuff, we were rock steady for 2 years. So I can't even begin to get over him because by the time I do, I'll have graduated and we could have another chance.

    • I understand but you can't sit around and wait for something that may not happen. I would do what I can and try to move on. Because what if you wait and you've missed opportunities with other people just for something that you don't know for certain will work out? When you're ready, begin to date and then if he starts something up with you again, you'll be able to let the other guys you've been dating go and give him another shot.

  • He cheated on you that's terrible - I don't think you should take him back at least not so easily...perhaps start slow and be friends

    he sounds like he's confused and not serious or bored...you're a safe girl you know what I mean? like he thinks if he can't get any that's good enough he can always come back to you...you're like a safe back up girl that he can rely on and do YOU think that's all you're worth? Because girl you're worth so much more sweety.

    if doesn't respect you enough to be with just you than he's honestly not worth it...try and save yourself from another heartbreak and emotional turmoil - I don't think you should get back with him...

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    • Firstly, I don't know if he'll actually want me back

      Secondly, he doesn't think of me like that anymore. I stopped being his safe option from the moment I cut him off. He would consider it safer to stay with the other girl rather than ask me back and risk rejection... so if he did dump her and want me back, I'd know that it took him a lot of courage.

      Finally, I wouldn't take him right away. Perhaps I'd tell him we should be friends until we both move to the same city (a year from now)

    • to be honest you sound a bit confused, like you know what you want but your emotions are in the way and am going through a denial stage - if not you wouldn't have posted on this site and replied to everyone...i'm sorry I'm so harsh and rude but its what it seems like to me...after all if you had it all figured out - that you just want his company (sounds like that's what you want from your answer) than why the post? and why would you care IF he wants to get back?

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