Boyfriend going out behind my back.

we've been committed for one year and get along great, but I'm piecing together that he has been going out and hiding it from me. I don't like him going out because he used to be that player type. He's 43 never been married, no kids. He admitted to me one time he went behind my back and he promised never to keep it from me again and that it was the only time. But I just noticed on his credit card statement that he went out prior to that that he hid kept from me. I know, I know, I'm horrible for looking at his bill. But I was looking at something else...a vacation we are going on, and I wanted to see the hotel cost. It just happens this other stuff was on there. My dilemma is...I can't call him out on it in fear he will be pissed I saw his statement, but it's eating away at me. He lives in a town he just moved at last year and don't have a group of friends to hang with, so I'm fearing the worst...meeting another woman out. Please don't be so hard on me. I know I need to trust, but I need help whether to confront my boyfriend...or keep quiet because I snooped...Snooping is bad, I know. go easy on me...


Most Helpful Guy

  • Alright, the easiest thing to do is confront him, but do so in a way that makes him feel "guilty" without actually making an accusation. It may seem a little shady on your part to do so but getting the truth out of him is your primary goal. Doing this requires that you ask him if he's been out with a look of concern and maintaining that look, staring into his eyes, for a moment in time. Inability to look you back into the eye should be noted as well as any nervous behaviors he may have when asked questions that clearly indicate he is lying. Doing this in a fashion where you are not busy but also not cuddling / totally relaxed would be best, and doing it by "surprise" would be even better. If he asks "Where did that come from?", as he likely will, do not respond and just tell him to answer the question.

    Despite your knowledge you should be able to, before revealing yourself, get the truth or at least some basis for the truth from him. I am not saying that you not trusting him is bad or anything like that, but you want peace of mind, and that I believe will give you such. Mind you if he is a skilled liar he will get away, but having known him a year and having had him confess this to you there should be signs that you will know of to read. If not, simply look up common signs of nervousness and lying.

    Now body language is an "okay' lie detector, it isn't fool proof, a lot of people freak out and get nervous when on the spot so don't immediately take all nervous signs as proof of concept, but rather if the signs persist while he looks to express himself. Whatever you do make sure you do not lie about anything; don't tell him you "know", because that would cause you a huge number of problems and also put you in the same boat. You want to make sure you can trust him not dissolve communications and trust further.

    Asking him in public at a restaurant or in a park populated by others will definitely exemplify the lying effects. If nothing else normal people hate being exposed in the sunlight, both metaphorically, and literally, when it comes to this issue.

    That's all I got. Hopefully someone comes up with something better than this.

    • Thank you. When he admitted to me that he went out behind my back I asked him his eyes...if he ever did it before and if he was with another women and he told me no. He swore he never lied before and he would never do it again and to please forgive him. Now a week later I see on his credit card bill that he lied. I already bombarded him to the point that he is getting angry and telling me we have to move on it because he can't take anymore. He does NOT know I saw his credit card bill.

    • Show All
    • Thank you my online counselor.

    • Pft, I wish, I'm just some random kid looking to help. Still, suppressing your issues isn't really the goal, but we'll talk when you get back.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • 1 year. Suspicion. Bad History. Basis. Needed excuse.

    Your situation is an interesting one.

    Give me a moment to think. My original idea would fail. I can't think of a limitus test.


What Girls Said 2

  • i would just confront him and find a good reason why you know its true.

  • i think you should just make it seem like an accident to you finding out and then he talk to him