Would you tell on someone who is cheating?

My girlfriend's friend (our mutual friend) is cheating on her boyfriend of many years. She wants to marry the guy but doesn't get to see him all that often. Say maybe once a month for a few days. She has been hanging with a new group of girlfriends who "don't judge her" and also cheat and have flings with guys they meet at clubs. She is not the type of girl to cheat or even have flings. That is, she has never done so until now.

She met this guy at work and likes him and hooked up recently. My girlfriend told me about it and I know the guy. He's a decent guy and is very successful. But he is also very trusting so has no idea that this is going on behind his back. I do not consider him a good friend.

My question is if you can put yourself in my shoes, would you warn this guy or drop a strong hint, even anonymously, about what he is getting into. Or just stay out of their business?
  • Stay out of it. It's none of your business.
    Vote A
  • Tell him, straight up that his girl is cheating. Better for him to know now than 10 years into marriage.
    Vote B
  • Drop a hint about it but don't outright tell him. If he asks, tell him.
    Vote C
  • Tell him anonymously through a fake email.
    Vote D
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
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Updates:
To clarify, I am not friends with the guy who's being cheated on. My girlfriend and I are mutual friends with the girl who's cheating. She's a nice girl and we are both surprised that she is doing this to the man she wishes to marry. I think it has a lot to do with the company she has been keeping lately.


What concerns me is that I do not want to have to see this guy and congratulate him on getting engaged when I know what's been happening behind his back. You know what I'm saying?
I should let you all know that despite the majority of you advising me to tell him, I just cannot go through with it. I don't know why, but I just can't.

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2316

Most Helpful Guy

  • Tell him. It's not right to let some one be cheated on. And those who say "Stay outta it" are sh*tty people.

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    • Btw, isn't it hilarious how we get more and more stories of women cheaters and yet the bullsh*t that "only men cheat" exists? Yet, look at the stories and look at the studies. Ya, women cheat just as much, if not more.

    • @update: So tell the guy. And while you're at it, tell the dipsh*t girl to grow up. She doesn't deserve the guy (unless he's been cheating too, in which case they can both f*** off).

      You might think that girl is "super nice" or something, but obviously she's not. If she was REALLY a nice/good girl she wouldn't cheat in the first place, despite her company.

      She deserves the pain of losing the guy.

    • Pain will help her grow up. So give her a little pain in her life. Get proof, show the proof to the guy. Let him dump the bitch and let her suffer losing a guy she claims to want to marry all because she's a stupid little child.

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What Girls Said 23

  • When I was younger I told two dear friends of mine that their SO was cheating. One was a woman the other was a man.

    Neither took it well, accused me of being a jealous, hateful, spiteful B*tch trying to break them up. They told everyone I was spreading lies about them, trying to ruin their relationship.

    A few months later they end up breaking up because of the cheating partner. I never got an apology from either of them. They simply tried to weasel their way back into my life.

    From then on I learned not to get involved with it comes to someone's relationship. Truth is usually they know the other person is cheating, they're simply bring to ignore it, or hope it goes away. Even when people ask for relationship advice I don't get involved, because USUALLY they don't want advice, they just want to complain about their relationship. I've found that people prefer being in a relationship, to being alone, no matter how unhappy or unhealthy their relationship is.

    So from personal experience, I wouldn't say anything. Unless you want to risk losing your friends.

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    • That was really good advice. Thank you. I'm sorry that your friends didn't appreciate the truth you told him.

    • You did the right thing. If they couldn't be mature about it, they are sh*tty friends to begin with and not worth being with. You should always let the person being cheated on that the other is cheating. But if you can, get proof of it. Like other people to back you up or video/pictures at clubs/whatnot.

  • Don't get involved! It's not your place and most of the time when you tell someone they're being cheated on they shoot the messenger and refuse to believe you!

    ALSO your girlfriend told you that in confidence likely. When her friend finds out you told on her she will hate your girlfriend who will take that out on you.

    Other people's lives aren't our business.

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    • hahaha... quite true! I like the way you got the sequence of events mapped out. That would likely happen too. Cos my girlfriend told me not to tell the guy. She was quite adamant about it.

    • If you say anything you she will not be able to trust you with secrets at which point there's not really any point in being together.

  • It sounds like it's best that you tell him about it. Or if you don't feel comfortable doing that, talk to the friend who is doing the cheating. If she's your friend you should be able to talk to her about it. It seems like it's a product of her relationship with her new group of girlfriends. Since you said she's not the type to do this, I think it's your duty and your girlfriend's duty as her friends to sit down and talk to her about it.

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  • I would mention something to the cheating girlfriend. Something like "hey what's with the downward slut spiral?" Make it clear that its known that she has cheated. If she did it once,she will do it again. Then if you haven't heard anything about her coming clean,I'd tell the dude that I had heard some things that I thought he should be aware about. I would make it a point to say that it was none of my business,but that you thought it'd be best to tell him.

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  • I would probably tell your friend she's kind of being a slut and just add in that she should tell her boyfriend. But that's what I would do. I mean especially she wants to marry her boyfriend? That bride everyone whispers about during her wedding? I advise you not to tell him anything or get involved. But for me? I would tell him because I'm willing to risk my frienship with someone like her. I mean what if she contracts an std and gives it to her unsuspecting boyfriend?

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  • For the people telling you "stay out of it"...don't, because if that were you I'm sure you would want him to tell you what was happening.

    I chose B...it's going to take some courage to do it but I think it's worth it,and he will see a true friend.

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    • Oh, yeah, I would still tell him. If they can work on it and he still marry's her that is good but...if he can't that is understanding I think he should know who he is marrying.

  • Straight up. No one wants to be deceived by a cheating partner. If I were getting cheated on, I sure as hell hope someone would bluntly tell me.

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    • Nice to see someone with honor/standards :\

    • I have too much pride for my own good lmao. But when it comes to my heart and love, I refuse to have it put in the wrong place :)

  • Cheating is never okay. And I cannot, and WILL not, respect people who think that it is.

    To answer your question, I chose answer choice C. I wouldn't make it obvious but I would do what I could to help the person figure it out.

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  • I was told outright by the woman my finacĂ© was seeing. It was one of the kindest things anyone ever did for me. If she hadn't, I would have married the jackass. I've also been on the other side of this by being in the position of having seen a friend's wife in the arms of another man. She knew we had seen her too. Being a longtime friend of my husband and I, neither of us could bear to see him being oblivious to her cheating. Right or wrong, after much thought, it's what we did and would do again.

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  • I'm in a similar situation now. I would say stay out of it. If her boyfriend asks , tell the truth. If he is suspicious of something and comments on it, drop a hint. Just don't come and out tell him on your own.

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  • Cheaters are a**holes. I would have no problem ratting them out. They deserve to be kicked to the curb and shamed.

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  • I keep to my own business, EXCEPT when I see someone I care about setting themselves up to get hurt. I.e. If I was friends w/this guy and he was just having some good old casual sex, then yeah, would keep my nose completely out of it. If, however he told me he was really falling for her & planning on asking her to move in with him or marry him or some such commitment, then I'd say something.

    Likewise, if someone found something out about my significant other (who's more than just a FWB) cheating on me, I'd want them to tell me.

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  • I would tell her if she doesn't tell him she's cheating then I will. I'm a honest person and I don't think anybody should be in a relationship if one of them cheats as that person is not ready to be in a committed relationship. I have friend's who have been cheated on and found out by walking in on their partner in bed with someone else. It's really horrible for them to be crying on my shoulder telling me how much they have been hurt. If I knew beforehand I would have liked to spare the the heartache.

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  • I always have an urge to tell people...simply because I think it's sad and if I was being cheated on, especially for years, Id like to know so I don't waste anymore of my time and love on some scumbag. But, my boyfriend advises me to stay out of it and not be the one to "stir up problems"..sometimes you can even end up looking like the bad guy for trying to help the other person; they won't believe you and say you're just jealous, you're just trying to hurt us, etc...it's a hard choice sometimes..

    I think you should hint him, and tell/ask him stuff that would make him think twice (realistic stuff like, is she single? not rude things such as, do you really think she'll stay faithful to you?)

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    • It's going to be hard to hint at anything because I don't usually talk to the guy other than when I see his girlfriend and him

    • i guess just leave it alone. I think it would look more and more like "sabotage" if you were to hint him anything anonymously. hope for karma to take its course that's the best you can do right now :(

  • I would mind my business unless he asks I would give him a hint

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  • i would find out if its the best way to go or it will ruin the person.

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  • no, it's not my business.

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  • I would try to let them know in a way that doesn't put me out there, because she's a mutual friend. Of course you should let him know, just do so in a purely factual way, tell him what you know and move on from it so neither of you feel bad

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  • First of all, she is a nasty slut for sleeping around like that knowing she has a boyfriend

    Second of all, no I would not tell because I tried doing that before and my now ex female friend did not believe me and she kept calling me and telling me that I was crazy. He will believe her before he believes you. Love is blind, its best they discover for themselves.

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  • I voted B.

    I'd tell them straight up, only IF I knew it was 100% true.

    I'd want someone to tell me. That's an awful feeling, finding out later that EVERYONE knew but you. Ugh!

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What Guys Said 15

  • Unless you are in the room & see the sex happening,

    1. you are not a witness

    2. you have not been subpoenaed to testify

    3. you have not been elected as judge nor hired as private d***

    Consider this real world event: you see a tattooed biker guy stalk a grandmother into a shop then draw a gun into her back while arm locking her neck - do you pull your concealed weapon and shoot the guy? If so, you just shot an undercover FBI man making a bust on a drug-mom gang leader. Do you see the parallel to the potential cheater circumstances? Most guys that group/gang to cruise gals & brag about conquests are all BS - perhaps true enough with that gal group.

    SO I vote - shut up about her, you'll never know fury like a best friend & his gal ganging up on you - what else can she do?

    I vote you include him in fun outings that allow him interaction with gals that would treat him better and tempt him away from bad gals. Seems like he should have some free time for this, since the bad gal is busy trolling for guys ...

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    • She told us about it man. No one saw it happening. But she was excited about cheating and couldn't help but tell us.

    • She might be bragging, it might be fact. My opinion stands as both you and your buddy will do better by starting a journey away from her with no finger pointing or character reporting. You don't need to play with fire to save your buddy.

  • Somewhere between B and C. Drop a hint and if they don't get hit, hint until you become obvious and they understand. That way you can ease into getting to the end without stressing over and over about coming out clean in the first few minutes of talking but you still accomplish the goal of revealing the cheater.

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  • If you're going to spit on the sanctity of a relationship, then your partner deserves to know who you truly are. You don't accidentally fall onto a penis or accidentally pick up a girl at a bar and have sex with her. Don't sit there and let this happen.

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  • my opinion is to say something to the girl, say I know those girlfriends cheat, but you seem like you want to get married. Ask why are you cheating? Married never works with trust issues. Maybe you should stop cheating and stay with the guy if you want to get married. Who would want to marry someone cheating on them?

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  • I'd totally stay out of it only because I've been in the situation before. I told her that her boyfriend was cheating and it totally ended up destroying my friendship with her. She didn't trust me at first but by the time she realized on her own we weren't friends anymore. It... isn't worth getting in the middle of in my opinion.

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  • Wait so are you kind of friends with the boyfriend? Or the guy she's cheating on him with?

    I mean, if it isn't your friend, I'd say stay out of it. It's not your business Se probably feels guilty, and you don't know if she's planning on confessing or anything. It's not your place to get involved. If you get invited to the wedding they potentially might have, maybe decline the invite if your uncomfortable with it

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    • Per th update

      You can certainly have your girlfriend talk to her about it Let her know that it is t OK. But you could break them up. People hav forgiven cheaters but if he finds out like that, they will break up for sure. On top of at, she will hate you and your gf.

  • The thing is, you don't have evidence to back you up if you were to out the girl.

    What I would do if I were you is to tell your girlfriend and the girl that's cheating that you know some of these people and you just don't want to know what's going on. That if asked you're not going to lie for her.

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  • another option would to tell the cheating spouce you know what they done and if you see/hear them do it agaian you'll tell him. I would need some damning evedance before I do anything though because my town is a rumor mille.

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  • Depends on the people involved.

    If my best friends cheating on his wife ofc I wouldn't tell

    If my best friends wife is cheating on him you bet your ass I'd tell.

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  • As much as it's not your business, the girl made it everybody's business when she went bragging about it. Aside from all the emotional wrongs that are being committed, the boyfriend deserves to know because his health is at stake. He's exposed to whatever disease any one of those guys might have that she's sleeping with. How would you feel if you didn't say anything, nothing changed, and a year later you find out that the boyfriend's got something that 's incurable?

    Most people don't want to get involved because they don't want to deal with other peoples' problems. Google, "bystander effect." I really do think that it's far worse to witness an injustice and stay silent than it is to commit the injustice yourself.

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  • Different option - tell the girl that you know she's cheating and that you won't lie to protect her.

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  • I voted B. Call me a snitch if you want; I feel telling him is the right thing to do.

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  • Probably drop a hint but if it's one of my boys, I'd be real with him and tell him straight up.

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    • oh for sure man. If it was one of my boys, I would do the same in a heartbeat. The thing is that he isn't. I've just met him a couple of times and he seems like a nice guy. We work in the same industry.

    • Hmm, in that case, drop an anonymous hint or something. I find it sad that they're engaged and she's cheating... damn.

  • Thanks for updating this so everyone participating will come again to see what's the important news - not! Trivial - try to get it all down in the first question - which is boring enough!

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    • We can all see what massive balls you have by being anonymous.

  • If he was a friend, I'd tell him. But since he isn't, just stay out of it.

    I think the more important question for you is whether you want to stay friends with someone who is a liar. If she thinks it's OK to deceive her boyfriend, she probably thinks it's OK to deceive her friends too. I wouldn't make a big scene. I'd just gradually withdraw myself from communicating with her. And you need to worry about your own girlfriend. Does she think it's OK to cheat?

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