I just don't understand. Not only do I see this all the time, I think I have fallen a victim in this. My off and on again ex is such an a**hole, but I can't get enough of him. I love him and honestly I wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life with him... but he's probably the biggest jerk I've ever met.
He cheated on confirmed once, possibly twice with his ex at the beginning of our relationship. He contracted Chlamydia and passed it on to me. Bastard.
He is a huge cry baby and gets angry over the stupidest things, ties me down will not even let me have girlfriends, has a horrible drinking problem, and also has a tendency to talk to "cam girls". Which I consider cheating.
At the same time though... I see the good in him. The way he smiles and lights up a room, the way he cares for everyone even if he has an odd way of showing it. We are best friends more than boyfriend and girlfriend, and I love that. I'm not one for romance so he's perfect for me in that aspect.
Anyway, I've seen 2 people since we started dating over 3 years ago (we were broken up of course) and they were so nice and treated me like a princess. But it bothered me. Them treating me nicely pushed me away. I never want to cause anyone heartbreak or sadness, and I know that's what happens but I just can't help it. I'll try so hard to make it work with them but in my mind they don't even COMPARE to Ty. I know I deserve to be treated like how they treated me and I hate to be the one to fit in the category of "girls don't like nice guys". I want to give them a chance but I just always end up in my horrible relationship cycle... then I feel bad for the nice guys who deserve a chance :(
What is wrong with me/other people in this situation?
Most Helpful Girl
Well, it depends. Many guys who treat their girlfriends like crap often start out sweet and nice. They lure their girlfriends in, and then slowly start to mentally and/or physically abuse them. But only gradually, so that she barely even notices the change and slowly gets used to it as well. Guys who are like this are very manipulative (and probably also narcissistic as well) by nature, and it's impossible to get them to change. It's difficult to say if the girlfriends "like" being treated that way. It's just that since they've been so gradually introduced to this abuse, they get used to it and sort of "expect" it, maybe even think it's normal. And as xHoneyxBeex said, girls who have been abused in the past or during their childhood are most likely to put up with the abuse a lot more.
I'd also say that fantasy plays a part in these scenarios as well. The girls have seen the good sides of the guys in the beginning, and inbetween the abuse. They fall in love with the thought of that guy, and hope that if they stay long enough, he'll change for the better or go back to the way he was in the beginning. They are in love with the fantasy of having a perfect relationship with his good side (or "good side", sometimes they might even delude themselves into thinking he has one). The more the girls try to wait it out, the more abusive he'll become and the less they'll see his good side. He'll take advantage of their naïveté and use it as a tool for his manipulative nature.
The only cure for this is for the girls to snap out of it themselves. Wake up one morning and realize they've had enough. As for you not feeling bothered by guys not being a**holes to you just means that you got too used to your ex's abusive behavior. It's something you'll have to wait out, it'll go away eventually. My advice is just to stay away from your ex. The more you'll cling onto him, the harder it will be to have a normal relationship with another guy in the future. Being with him or pining for him will only bring you hurt, trust me.2