I know the whole "bad boy v nice guy" thing but this seems to go way beyond that. I mean some girls will start off dating a guy and hope for a real relationship after being treated like crap by their ex. Then they claim they want to be treated with respect and stuff. Then once the guy respects the girl and starts treating her well the girl feels as if she just can't get herself to like a guy like that. And then she will go back to her ex even if he doesn't respect her and treats her like crap because she's used to it. But the thing is, she must have liked the guy on some level to want to date him in the first place. So the guy must have ticked the right boxes in the first place right? So why does she decide to run away from the guy once she realizes he actually treats her well?
The only thing this does for me is give me false hope of finding a girlfriend in the future. I'm a guy who respects women and hopes to find a girl who I can treat well some day. But I just keep thinking that I can never get into a relationship because treating a girl right will just make her run away from me.
Most Helpful Girl
I'll try to boil this down for you in a somewhat consistent way.
1. The problem does not always revolve around the guys who are involved. More often than not, the actions of the women who behave like this are simply the reflections of a problem that is much more deeply rooted. Women who chase after bad guys, have often been abused in the past (most likely in their childhood), either mentally, physically or both. She has probably gotten used to the idea of being abused, and sees it as something "normal", whereas being treated well makes her uncomfortable.
2. Some girls like the excitement a bad boy has to offer. Not always following the rules, being rebellious, acting mysterious etc etc. Some see it as a turn on.
3. Some girls simply think that nice guys are too good to be true, that they don't deserve being treated well. Again, women who think like this have often been abused in the past, or have severe self-esteem issues. Others have trust issues, again thinking that the kindness is too good to be true, but in the sense that the guy most likely will turn around completely once she trusts him, and cheat or abuse her.
4. Some girls have self-esteem issues that make them set themselves up for failure, for example by subconsciously choosing guys who will treat them badly.
5. Some girls don't like guys who behave like doormats. Simply being "nice" doesn't always cut it. This doesn't mean that you always have to disagree with her, treat her badly, or cause drama on purpose. It simply means that you are allowed to disagree if you truly have a different opinion, and you shouldn't always do everything to please her. Keep her on her toes, otherwise she'll grow bored and quickly find the excitement somewhere else (which she might find in a "bad guy").
I might also add that THIS DOES NOT APPLY TO EVERY SINGLE GIRL OUT THERE! It shouldn't give you false hope for finding a girlfriend in the future. Girls who behave this extremely is in the minority, so it should not affect your over all view on women, since the majority don't behave like this and honestly do want someone who'll treat them right.
Okay, so now you might think "well, if these girls are in the minority, then why do I keep seeing/hearing this happening everywhere?"
- Because too many people have started focusing on it. And more often than not, it's actually the GUYS who put the most focus on this problem. Self-proclaimed "nice guys" whine about all the "bad guys" getting the girls, that women only want to be treated badly, that we don't appreciate the kindness a "nice guy" has to offer. Their whining that is based on heavy generalization has become SO LOUD that it has become a widely accepted "fact", especially on the internet.
And not only do they whine about it, they actually have the audacity to joke about it too. Keep in mind that this is basically indirectly joking about abuse, and a girl's poor self-esteem. As if it's something to joke about. Way to blame the victim, really.0