Why do some girls run away from a relationship if the guy is treating them well?

Why do some girls run away from a relationship (or the possibility of having a relationship) if the guy is treating them well? I mean, some of these girls know they deserve to be treated well but when the guy is actually treating them well they end up running away from those guys and breaking their hearts. I just don't get it.

I know the whole "bad boy v nice guy" thing but this seems to go way beyond that. I mean some girls will start off dating a guy and hope for a real relationship after being treated like crap by their ex. Then they claim they want to be treated with respect and stuff. Then once the guy respects the girl and starts treating her well the girl feels as if she just can't get herself to like a guy like that. And then she will go back to her ex even if he doesn't respect her and treats her like crap because she's used to it. But the thing is, she must have liked the guy on some level to want to date him in the first place. So the guy must have ticked the right boxes in the first place right? So why does she decide to run away from the guy once she realizes he actually treats her well?

The only thing this does for me is give me false hope of finding a girlfriend in the future. I'm a guy who respects women and hopes to find a girl who I can treat well some day. But I just keep thinking that I can never get into a relationship because treating a girl right will just make her run away from me.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I'll try to boil this down for you in a somewhat consistent way.

    1. The problem does not always revolve around the guys who are involved. More often than not, the actions of the women who behave like this are simply the reflections of a problem that is much more deeply rooted. Women who chase after bad guys, have often been abused in the past (most likely in their childhood), either mentally, physically or both. She has probably gotten used to the idea of being abused, and sees it as something "normal", whereas being treated well makes her uncomfortable.

    2. Some girls like the excitement a bad boy has to offer. Not always following the rules, being rebellious, acting mysterious etc etc. Some see it as a turn on.

    3. Some girls simply think that nice guys are too good to be true, that they don't deserve being treated well. Again, women who think like this have often been abused in the past, or have severe self-esteem issues. Others have trust issues, again thinking that the kindness is too good to be true, but in the sense that the guy most likely will turn around completely once she trusts him, and cheat or abuse her.

    4. Some girls have self-esteem issues that make them set themselves up for failure, for example by subconsciously choosing guys who will treat them badly.

    5. Some girls don't like guys who behave like doormats. Simply being "nice" doesn't always cut it. This doesn't mean that you always have to disagree with her, treat her badly, or cause drama on purpose. It simply means that you are allowed to disagree if you truly have a different opinion, and you shouldn't always do everything to please her. Keep her on her toes, otherwise she'll grow bored and quickly find the excitement somewhere else (which she might find in a "bad guy").

    I might also add that THIS DOES NOT APPLY TO EVERY SINGLE GIRL OUT THERE! It shouldn't give you false hope for finding a girlfriend in the future. Girls who behave this extremely is in the minority, so it should not affect your over all view on women, since the majority don't behave like this and honestly do want someone who'll treat them right.

    Okay, so now you might think "well, if these girls are in the minority, then why do I keep seeing/hearing this happening everywhere?"

    - Because too many people have started focusing on it. And more often than not, it's actually the GUYS who put the most focus on this problem. Self-proclaimed "nice guys" whine about all the "bad guys" getting the girls, that women only want to be treated badly, that we don't appreciate the kindness a "nice guy" has to offer. Their whining that is based on heavy generalization has become SO LOUD that it has become a widely accepted "fact", especially on the internet.

    And not only do they whine about it, they actually have the audacity to joke about it too. Keep in mind that this is basically indirectly joking about abuse, and a girl's poor self-esteem. As if it's something to joke about. Way to blame the victim, really.

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    • Also, most self-proclaimed "nice guys" often automatically label every other guy a "bad guy", even though these guys might not even be bad. This, simply because they refuse to accept the fact that a girl chose another guy over them. That also adds fuel to the whole "all girls like bad guys" fire, making it seem like there are more bad guys getting girls than there are nice guys.

    • oppaoppa wrote this essay for school

    • psssh rude james

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What Girls Said 12

  • I tend to do the same it's not because of "bad boys" like people have been taught to think it's because we don't know how to be someone's something since we haven't had a whole lot of love in our lives, these days who here ever feels surrounded with love any more? I bet rarely anybody because of the attitudes of everybody around us, then there is the fact families are falling apart and all they seem to do is fight with each other we just don't even know who our own families are any more and because we can't trust them we can't trust anyone. It is very hard to know how to love when we were not given or taught how to love by our own families so we have learn it all by ourselves and that is heart breaking more than you can ever know. To know those around you never really loved you means we will have a hard time in future trying to stay with someone and when we find someone nice we just feel it's too good to be true and that if we allow ourselves and say yes it could turn out to be even more heartache, this world is messed up and I know were all feeling this and people have stopped listening to each other, how are we all supposed to learn how to love when people take this as it as an offense instead of allowing us the time to learn how what it's like to be loved? we don't really know how it feels or what to do, you might say "it's easy it will be OK trust me I'm not that kind of person" but how we know that when we barely know you still? it's not you it's us but pressure on people to love is the worst thing you could do, show patients and loyalty and in time love can be learned.

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  • Because the faux pas of a prince charming is too good to be true.

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    • ok fair point. but why choose to be with someone who treats you terribly? there are guys out there who may not be prince charming but they are good guys nonetheless.

    • I wouldn't know, some girls like to be treated with disrespect.

  • Because they have self-esteem issues or find themselves to be too sinful to deserve a guy who treats them well.

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  • They think the guy is too god for them and deserves someone better... Self esteem issues.

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    • *good

      Also trusting issues. The more you trust and like someone, the bigger the chances of getting hurt in case something happens. Gotta run before it gets to that.

  • Maybe because of miscommunication or wrong chemistry?

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  • probably because the rel.ship is too boring..

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    • in what ways can a relationship be boring?

    • whereas a relationship with a jerk isn't... sigh

    • well I've noticed that if a guy is too good for the girl there is no drama at all, and secretly women like drama tbh...maybe that's why they fall for the bad guys mostly...

  • Probably boredom.

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  • becasue that is not everything in a relationship

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  • Sometimes the girl is afraid the nice guy is too good to be true. He made me want to to be real, honest, and vulnerable. I was so used to be being closed off and not cared about.

    So, yes, I guess my last sentence puts me in the self-esteem issues category. That and he saw so much good in me, and all I could see was how broken I was. I was afraid he would soon see how broken I was and leave. That I just couldn't handle. So, I left. Self-sabotage...

    This has happened to me before. And no...it did not involve my going back to an ex. That's the only good part.

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  • Being nice isn't a sure way to keep a relationship going. There's more to it than that.

    That being said, those women who only go for men that treat them poorly make me ashamed to be a woman.

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  • not just because the guy treats the girl way means that she won't ever dump him...

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    • Seems as if as long as the girl is being treated like crap the relationship is always there

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    • A moron who sees how girls react when being treated like crap.

    • wow. how rude

  • bad communication... this happened to me, I was feeling depressed and needed space but was afraid he would leave me or cheat on me if I stopped seeing him for a while, plus I wasn't sure if I would get better so I didn't want to waste his time having him wait... None of this I told him, just one day I broke up with him out of the blue and I really regret it now... but its been months and he has a new girlfriend now...

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What Guys Said 12

  • There's a few reasons I can give you but keep in mind each is specific to the girl.

    There's a growing attraction to negativity in the world today. Look at how the news is all death, violence, robberies, and rape. Look at video games and how it's constantly about shooting people. Now honestly think about whether or not people would watch the news if it was all hugging and greatness. For many it would be boring.

    Now think about relationships. How many do you hear about where things are going well. Your friend would maybe call you if there was a problem, but otherwise, not really.

    Thing is, some girls need drama and conflict. They'll see a "bad ass" who is all angry and the girl's narcissism will kick in and she'll think she's so valuable and pretty that she can be the one thing in his life that will change him. At this point she's imprisoned herself. She's either stuck being treated like crap holding onto that "I can change him" nonsense. Or if she does change him, she'll leave him because that was her only motive the whole time. These types of girls overvalue themselves and don't realize their lives are so empty that this is all they can do for themselves.

    The other thing is that for many girls, a "good relationship" can feel like a dead end. A lot of girls do not like a routine life and a stable relationship, while it feels like things are going well, needs change. A guy who does to work, comes home and watches tv, then goes to sleep would bore the hell out of a girl. "But the relationship is stable!" Well yea, but boring.

    The other thing is that if a guy is "too good to be true" it can make a girl feel like she is not going to be enough for the guy and the guy will want a "Better woman." So she will feel like she is only going to get her hopes up just to be let down.

    These are just some examples. There's too many more.

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  • Because being treated as you want to be treated is such a small aspect of what makes a couple compatible. It's all about emotions. The ability to make someone feel something, anything. Predictability is boring and even negative emotions have their roll in a relationship.

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    • I'm not sure if it's about predictability. I'll use my friend as an example. My friend broke up with her abusive ex a year ago and she dated 3 guys recently all who, according to her, treated her how she wanted to be treated. She said they all treated her well. One day she said she's having a hard time picking which guy to make her boyfriend, and the next day she says none of those guys even compares to her abusive ex. And this ex of hers cheated on her like 5 times, gave her an STD and even...

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    • Don't do that. You keep adding more and more information and continually discrediting my opinion as if you already have an answer in mind and you're simply seeking validation. That sh*ts annoying.

      My first response is the one I back. G'night.

    • Im not discrediting your opinion. I just want to get more insight as to why my friend's dating life is the way it is. You're not as helpful as you might think.

  • Being nice isn't the only factor in attracting a girl.

    Would you date a girl JUST BECAUSE she was nice to you? I mean, if she was 5'2'' 250lbs and forgot to comb her hair and brush her teeth, would you be her boyfriend just because she was nice?

    I mean, personality matters and all but there's clearly more to it than that. If your excuse to not be happy is the fact that being nice MIGHT not pay off, I'd like to know what your other excuses will be when you realize how silly that is.

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  • could be a commitment issue

    Could be they think it is too good to be true

    could be they are not use to a good guy and do not know how to react

    could be that the guy is too nice

    could be the guy is boring

    could be she is waiting for something you are not giving or doing such as sex

    could be she is tired of being with you

    could be self esteem issues thinking you are too good for her

    too many reasons to list

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  • Insecurity and self-consciousness tend to be the primary causes.

    When those are in short supply you also have discomfort caused by rejection of extremes. For instance if a person has been treated "normally" all their life and then comes across a hyper respectful person it can create such a shock that it becomes too much or overbearing in nature and they abandon it.

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  • It's like heroin addiction -

    Even though the guy (heroin) treats her like sh*t, after a while, they become addicted to it. So when you (the cure) comes along, they run back to the drugs ;)

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  • being a 'nice' boyfriend is one thing...keeping her interested and the passion/romance alive is another.

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  • Because women choose a$$holes. This is very well documented. Just read this site more.

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  • Not saying this scenario completely applies to everyone, but I think a lot of guys consider themselves to be the good guy when they really aren't.

    A girl doesn't want a guy who is going to constantly buy her things and get her everything she ever wants. Say no to her sometimes. Be a little bit dominant.

    There are some guys that are more like puppy dogs than boyfriends. She might love you but won't respect you. E will get tired of e kind of boyfriend who won't stand up her, who will give in to her every demand. So a guy may think he is doing right by her by being like that but in reality they are making it worse

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  • Because their claim of wanting to have a nice guy is genuine. *rolleyes*

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  • You're turning too Beta. Literally. If you heap too much kindness and decency on girls, they think you're desperate, they're the prize and can better. It's awful, but it happens so much. Let me guess, this happens a bit into dating? Not initially, but after you two get relaxed with each other? You stop remembering to being alpha and you get relaxed

    You just have to remember some basics--such as, for every 2-3 kind things, compliments she does, give one back. Like that. It's their instincts, sadly... you just can't treat most girls as sweetly as you might like.

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  • Boredom.

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