My ex still gets to me, even though I no longer love him

We had a long, awful relationship. I now recognize he was controlling, manipulative, too jealous and verbally abusive. I've always had low self esteem and became co-dependent. I dumped him in February. I no longer feel in love with him, and I know I'm better off, I'm less stressed and have realized many issues I had with myself that I hadn't seen.

I was fine until a few days ago. A friend of mine saw my ex at a bar with his friends (small town, etc), included a girl he was getting "cozy" with. I don't know why this gets to me. I didn't feel sad or like I wanted him back, instead I felt envious that he's so well off and I'm still struggling to feel better. I feel empty, like something's missing from my life, I feel lonely and like I can't enjoy myself.

I can feel happiness for other people's success and well being, but not for his. Instead I'm envious and wish I was doing as well as he is. I know this is mean, but after having been so abusive towards me, I feel he doesn't deserve it.

I also feel ugly. Any guy can call me ugly or try to make me feel ugly and I will brush it off, but his actions still get to me. The fact he's with a new girl makes me compare myself to her and feel ugly, like what does she have that I don't? Even though I've been told I'm prettier. Maybe it's because he used my physical insecurities so much to put me down during the relationship. But I'm still too sensitive to this, when I shouldn't!

Like I said, I'm positive I no longer want him, the thought of getting back together is dreadful. And yet, it seems I'm not over it. I envy him so much... I don't know why, if I have friends, my family, a good job, etc. I can't see to find joy and contentment yet, and the fact he beat me to it makes me feel awful. Help please.


Most Helpful Girl

  • you don't love him but you still have some feelings towards him


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What Guys Said 1

  • Residual Emotions. It's a subconscious state of investment in a person. Think of it as when you leave your hand in cement; it's there when it dries no matter whether you are around or not, it's the effect. You're experiencing something close to "Hatred".


What Girls Said 2

  • you obviously have unresolved issues about him, that is why you can't let him go

  • Is the fact that he's happy and right now your not you are way better with out him he is a liw life and at least you don't look like kamielia rambrich fro

    Queens ny Facebook


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