I want move out without moms permission

I'm 20 years old, grew up in Canada. But my mother is afghan. She is super strict. I'm not even allowed to go o a friends house. Let alone the prison like home she created. When I was growing up my mom used to beat me a lot. For different reasons. Spit on my face pull my hair, kick me and punch me. I have complete resentment and hate towards her. But at the same time I feel really bad. I moved out right at 18 and told her it was for school luckily my dad had my back and said its fine. When I went to school my mom made me come back after half a semester. Thence went back for 8 months, this time my older sister made me come back saying she will cut off all ties with me if I don't come back. I did come back just 3 weeks ago. And it's hell. My mom doesn't beat me anymore. But it hurts me so much to know she won. I don't even have a bedroom I like in a separate bed next to her bed. I hate my life. I can't live like this. Sometimes I talk myself out of suicicde. I want to escape. But I'm scared my mom will be in a lot of stress cause she has a divorce trial going on with t dad and she's already crying all the time. I don't want to cause her anymore pain. But I can't do this either. Am I bein self centres? I need help. Please someone tell me what to do.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • You aren't being self centered or selfish or anything like that. It's a culture clash. Your mom was raised with her beliefs and you were raised in a much different culture in Canada. She is not really to blame for her beliefs and you are not to blame for yours. The way we are raised is deeply ingrained in us and it's not easy for her to throw off her ways.

    I have a Pakistani friend who went though similar things. I won't go into all the detail. I'll just say I knew her very well and watched some really bad stuff unfold. It went on for years. I met her family, had dinner with them, went to parks, played games with their kids - only to find out later that behind closed doors it was a whole different world than the face they showed in public.

    For you it's a matter of resolve. It's damned if you do and damned if you don't. Nobody here can make the decision for you. As mostly westerners on this site I'm sure a lot will just say to leave asap. Probably your rl friends say the same thing. And I'll say the same thing, that you should leave. But I also know it's not easy throwing out a family.

    Sometimes it's OK to be selfish. Regardless of your ancestry you are Canadian and you will never be happy living a traditional Afghan life. Your mother will probably never adapt to the west. Neither one of you can change that, yet they are still in sharp conflict.

    "Please someone tell me what to do."

    You have to decide yourself. Do you want permission from complete strangers? The best I'll do is say that if you search deep inside your soul and make a decision and feel right about it, then I'd support it either way.

    Sorry, I can't do any better than that.

    BTW, my Pakistani friend turned out OK. She went through a lot of crap for many years though. Her family never supported her in her education, even in elementary school, let alone uni. But eventually she went on to med school and is now a doctor doing what she always dreamed of. She's happy, married to an Anglo American (they had to elope), has two sons with the oldest in high school now.

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What Guys Said 2

  • You need your own space.Just do what you want and talk to them at the same time.

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  • You just want to have your own freedom. You're not being self-centered.

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What Girls Said 3

  • What does your dad say of all this? Can't you go live with him? Or let him talk to your mom and sister to make them explain that you need your own life?

    If you think about suicide, just leaving home is the better option. Try to reason with your mom (and sister), you could come and visit them every Sunday or go out to dinner with them, ...

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  • jsut move out don't car eabout them , you arnet being self centered at all.

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  • well just make a plan and show your mom you have everything figured out I think its a good decision.

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