My boyfriend says I'm a drainer and yet doesn't want to break up

we have been together for 1.5 years. last few months my boyfriend always complains I'm a nag, annoying and a drainer and I ALWAYS have to be the one basically begging him to catch up. when we do catch up I can tell he enjoys my company but then after its like he just wants his own space 24 7. it hurts because I don't know how to get things back on track again. it just seems like everything is more interesting than being with me. I did try stop "nagging for a couple weeks" it didn't seem to do anything. in fact it made me nag more because I was so unhappy that he didn't even give me attention then. we broke up about a month ago and he was the one who basically begged for me back. we have been together for a couple weeks and its gone back to normal again. don't know how to fix this or what he wants from me. if I'm scuh a "drainer" then why did he want to be back with me.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Whenever you take on the role of "running" things, you end up with the responsibility for things being run. He's dragging it because you're nagging. You're nagging because he's dragging.

    STOP IT!

    Stop trying to run him. There may or may not be a future for you, but you got to stop running him, managing him. Stop being responsible for him. Let him be responsible for himself. Let him be late, wrong, bad, whatever all by himself. Concentrate on the stuff that you do yourself. That will either make him shape up, or drop out. Either way is preferable to what you've got going now.

    And remember, just because you decided something, didn't mean that you actually AGREED on anything. Just because you put up an ultimatum doesn't mean that he has any stake in the decisioin. One cardinal female error that is repeated over and over again is that you believe that something is agreed on when it is simply you who have expressed a wish, and assumed compliance.

    If you decide something, assume that he's into it. If he is not coming, not doing his part, go on without him, AND WITHOUT THE STUFF HE WAS SUPPOSED TO DO. Leave him behind. Leave his behind. Do stuff on your own.

    BUT NEVER EVER do it out of spite. Or to punish. Just do it when the situation requires. If you start "punishing" him, you just leave him right now. That is just evil.

    • he is resisting communication in any way her can. he doesn't respect each other. he insults her instead of trying to solve problems or reach a resolution.

      no one accuses someone if nagging when they actually respect the relationship. people use nagging as an excuse not to do anything.

      wanting to catch up is not nagging. its what you do in a relationship. if he can't stand talking to her he should leave. not insult her.

      think his is reasonable behavior. you shouldn't be in a relationship atm

    • Exactly he won't communicate at all when I try I'm considered a nag. When I try to discuss our relo he says stop being a drainer it's like we get nowhere he roadblocks it which causes me to go crazy on him and that makes the cycle go around and around

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What Guys Said 2

  • It could be a couple of things.

    1. He's simply a dysfunctional person and either doesn't understand that this relationship is healthy or that you aren't compatible. Basically he's not seeing what you see.

    2. He simply feels he can change the bad, to coincide with the good (which many women should know doesn't work)

    3. Or he simple wants a pocket p**** and doesn't like the idea of being single. Some especially slimy people will stick around to continue getting sex, while they wait for another person they can jump to. If things don't work out, they come crawling back to their ex. The idea is that these people cannot be single and must always be in a relationship either for emotional reasons, or most likely because they just can't image not having access to easy sex. Typically you can judge this by their dating history. Have they spent most of their life in a relationship, or have they spent about an equal time in a relationships and being single. Typically the people who started out early being in relationships (15-17yrs old) and continued to do so, will have a really hard time coping with being single. Being in a relationship is all they know. I have friends and siblings who are like this.

    • I don't think it's 3. I really don't think he thinks there is a problem. He can never understand why I'm upset all the time. I always feel unbonded and like he doesn't care much anymore and then he will just laugh and say I'm being fruity and to calm down.

    • It could be that you two just have different personalities. I've met and dating both types of people. Some people are very independent, aren't very affectionate, and aren't the romantic types. Others are more dependent on their partners, don't require as much space, and are very affectionate. You just have to know when its time to stop trying to fit a square page into a round hole.

      He might also be a bit jaded. I think most guys can agree that many girls are very highs strung.

    • They psyche themselves out and get upset and worked up over what is sometimes some pretty trivial things. He might simply be thinking that your just another girl who is constantly worrying about stuff and so he's automatically turned himself off to your concerns. He just assumes your blowing smoke without hearing you out.

  • maybe he want's to change you like many women like to try and change their BF?

    • Change me how exactly?

    • Show All
    • Mainly that we never spend any time together. This nagging causes him to not want to see me more so its a vicious cycle. Things like that.

    • maybe both of you should talk and try to find a middle ground where you two spend some of your time togther. couples don't need to be with each other all the time but not being togther at all is also wrong.

What Girls Said 3

  • why are you with someone who doesn't respect you?

    also as of that isn't bad enough. you guys are not compatible. he wants a fling with the control over you he'd have in a relationship.

    you seem to want a relationship.

    you want different things. ditch him.

    • How does he want a fling?

    • Show All
    • That is very true. Is there a way to turn things around it does it sound like he is over it

    • When I do say how can we fix this why don't you want to talk to me or see me more he will say something like stop being such a drainer then I will want to see you more. And OK like wtf so you don't want to be with me and he will say never said that just stop draining my life

  • When you can't stand someone Even the sound of them breathing sounds like nagging.

    You should reassess your relationship. Doesn't sound like he's happy, and it sounds like you're chasing him like a puppy.

    Sounds like he can't stand you, but doesn't have anyone one to replace you at the moment, hence the reason why he begged for you back. You two don't sound compatible in the least.

    You should break up, STAY broken up, and find someone who has a livelier personality who would actually enjoy your company. If you don't want to break up, then deal with the fact that you annoy the living hell out of him, and that anything that comes out of your mouth is going to piss him off or drive him insane.

    In other words, your relationship is dead, and it isn't going to be revived.

  • He can't do any better than you. You're just a convenient and temporary source of entertainment for him.


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