Is it a bad sign if your significant other is constantly belittling themselves ?

Almost every time me and my boyfriend talk he's constantly belittling himself. Saying things like "I can't believe your not sick of me yet" and when he does things for me like just recently he designed me a business card and I said I liked it and he said "Lol thanks no ""wow amazing its finally f***ing done took you long enough you lazy bastard I hate you" "

As if I would tel him something like that. And this always happens and I get to the point where I feel like he wants me to hate him and break up with him or something. I asked and he said no it's not like that but that's really hard for me to believe when its a constant thing. It's getting really annoying and upsetting. Why can't he understand that I love him and that's that.

And if its a ploy to get me to hate him and break up with him why isn't he just honest.

Can someone really be that self loathing? Yet still want a relationship ?

Updates:
I just find it hard to believe that if you want to be in a relationship, even if you hate yourself,that you'll say things like that. I don't have self confidence either but if he's with me there must be a reason although now I'm self conscious because I feel like either he doesn't want me, or he does and I'm just awful at making him feel loved/wanted.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • That's unfortunate for him, how are you supposed to like him if he doesn't like himself? I wouldn't be surprised if you start to lose interest in him.

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    THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE
    • I'm not losing interest I'm more hurt than anything. Weve been together for 2 years now, I have no intention of leaving but if that's what he wants then ill give that to him. And it always feels like that. I just find it hard to think no matter how much you hate yourself that if you want a relationship you'll insinuate your significant other hates you,etc. I have self esteem issues too, but clearly if he's with me he wants to, but now I doubt that because he's constantly thinking I don't

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What Guys Said 2

  • I am always putting myself down, but its due to the face I have No experience with women, except 2 decades of rejections, clod shoulders and brush offs from girls.

    damn right I WANT a relationship, cause I am lonely. but I do know that should some girl take an interest in me, my confidence is going to be shaking at best.

    while I can't advise you on how to break him out of his funk, I can tell you if you dump him, you just make him feel worse

    first you have to decide if you still want to be with him,if you don't, make it clean and quick, there is NO way to "let him don't gently" so don't try, you just make it worse

    if you think he is worthy of you, just keep encouraging him. sometimes, before someone can believe in themselves, it helps if someone believes in them!

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  • This person is suffering from low self-esteem. This person may feel like he needs to suffer for something he has done or thought. This person may be addicted to the emotional high he gets from either his body by shunning himself as an addict or may be addicted to the attention he gets by hurting himself from others.

    Of the Warrior personality type in all of us this person is the Shadow Warrior archetype of the Masochist, the other being the Sadist.

    One aggressing against themselves and the other aggresses against others.

    Yes it's a bad sign.

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What Girls Said 4

  • I couldn't date someone like that... soo annoying

    I had a bf in high school and he was soo insecure he ended up trying to play mind games bc of it

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  • I would say it's a bad sign, I've had experiences like that and basically, those relationships just didn't work out. It's too exhausting to have to listen to your partner say those things constantly.

    It's his own personal problem and generally my view is that you can't fix him. But trying to communicate with him may help him see how his words affect you. Use "I" language, for example, "When you say (this), it makes me feel (this)."

    He may not realize it's a big deal until you bring it up, it's worth a shot.

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    • I have talked to him about it before. Well not verbally I wrote to him but he claimed that its just self confidence issue. I really don't want to throw two years of a relationship away. But yea ya getting a bit exhausting, mentally. I don't if its my fault and I'm not showing him I love him enough etc. or of its his own personal issues that he needs to get over. Either way it sucks.

    • And I feel like maybe. We'd be better off if we took a break maybe. At least til he's done with school or something. But I don't know. I have this fear he'd be angry with me, or he'd find someone else or something. I don't want to do that. But I don't know how I'm going to remedize the situation.

  • Probably a bit insecure help him to grow

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  • i think he has low self esteem. it isn't your fault but going to be hard to deal with.

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