What to think about my ex girlfriend wanting to mess around

A girl had us introduced in our church in summer 2011. I thought she was ready for a long term thing, we dated for 4-5 months and she put me through hell. Our relationship has been talking/texting then non existant off and on for 2 years. I've always cared deeply for her, and no matter how badly she's hurt me, I can't ever hate her.

So this past Sunday (last Sunday in July), she texts me after church, talking about her younger brother's birthday. I take my time with responding and always brief based on how she has been. However she's talking in a really friendly/flirty way. She's talking about how she's been doing this and that, even exploring some of her sexuality. I'm not too thrilled with it but I don't try to control her. I was being an ass, picking at her for this and that. So she asks to hang out sometime this week. We met the next night at a dairy queen. We re talking about a lot of things, both personal and comical. We're open (which is what I've been asking her to do) and I could tell by her body language, she was wanting me to make a move. So I did, and we kissed/made out a little. She wants to get in the back seat and take it a bit further, We didn't do much after but I was surprised that a girl of her tendencies would be like this. She said she doesn't want a boyfriend, but wants to mess around some. I'm all for it (not trying to sound like a typical guy), but should I be concerned?


Most Helpful Girl

  • She sounds like (this is not an accurate judgement by the way) she could just want the power to sleep around while not being tied down with a title or emotionally. If you are not going to be attached to her or know that you will not feel guilt afterward (ex: your principle is to not be intimate after marriage, this should be between two long-term relationship couples, she becomes clingy and expects a relationship afterward, she becomes distant and drops you like you were nothing), you're okay.

    You probably didn't know her long enough to know that she was capable of doing the things you were surprised about or you finally are able to see her other side.

    Just remember to wear protection, few girls try to get the guy in the hot seat about pregnancy or miscarriage because they end up regretting it later, or have STD's. If she is those few crazies, it's better to play safe.


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What Girls Said 3

  • It sounds like perhaps she is in between relationships and you are her "go to" guy when she doesn't have anyone else. She wants the intimacy of a boyfriend, but doesn't want you to be her boyfriend. So basically, she's using you. This is a female player. Does she say what she has been up to during these non-existent times? And don't talk yourself into being OK with it just because you really care for her and will do anything to be with her. because that is very unhealthy for you. She is not going to change any time soon. As hard as it will be, you need to cut all ties with her and find someone who will appreciate you and treat you the way you deserve. Trust me, you will find someone.

    • Yes she has told me some things, she's probably going into the sexual exploration stage. I'm pretty sure she wants me involved in that but she tends to have mood swings where she's hard to read. I've done things to separate myself and not think about her as much, but in the last few weeks, she's retweeted me, added me on fb, texted me a lot and asked to hang out. Kinda hard to miss all that but who knows with her

  • If you can handle it and not get attached then go for it.

  • Concerned about what? If you can leave your feelings for her at the doorstep then messing around should be fine but it's really hard cause you are showing some signs of being protective about her and you have to be sure that you are okay with her going back and forth and messing around with other people as well. If you can't make your feelings go away then you may end up getting hurt.


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