Was I wrong to say that this bothered me?

My boyfriend and I have been together for a bit over 2 months now. He recently started going through my FB photos from a couple years ago or more, and ever since he keeps saying how amazing I looked back then, how he would love for me to get back to looking like that (basically I gained a lot of weight in past 3 years), how I look good now but back then I looked "amazing," etc. It bothered me a bit the first time he brought it up, but I didn't want him to think I am overreacting. He always said though that he wants me to always be honest with him though, so I finally got the courage to tell him that it bothered me and asked if we could not talk about my weight or how I used to look because it makes me feel bad. And he got SO upset. He said he never meant it like that, and that he was just being honest, and that he feels like if we can't be honest with each other about everything than we can't progress as a couple. I agree that you have to be honest, but I'm also the kind of person that would never say anything that could potentially hurt someone. I guess he made me feel bad about feeling bad lol. Did I overreact? I would like both guys and girls' perspectives on this. I don't want my guy to think he can't be honest with me, but I also don't want to be afraid to express when something bothers me. Was I wrong to say anything?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Neither of you did anything wrong. It was a misunderstanding. I think he was trying to say in a nice way that he wanted you to lose weight. I have done the same thing and she got mad. We talked about it and since I had gained weight in college, we agreed to start a weight loss competition. She's winning and not exercising. I lift and try to be active. I think you both misunderstood the situation and neither of you fully understood. Just talk it over and ask him out right if he wants you to lose weight. I'd also ask him why he wants you to lose weight. I'm sure he just liked how you used to look and wants to see you look like that again. Don't take that as shallow. I think he's looking out for your best interests.

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    • I don't think he's being shallow, I know he loves me and wants best for me. But after hearing all my life how fat I am from my mom, it's now my biggest insecurity. When I started dating this guy, I was so happy that he just loves me for me. But now he made it sound like he'd have preffered me the way I was before he met me, and that really hurts and makes me feel like I don't live up to his expectations. He wants me to be honest, but when I say that something bothers me, he gets so upset :( Ughh

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    • If he loves you, then he will forgive you.

    • I sure hope so :) thanks!

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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 2

  • If it hurt you, you absolutely should have told him. Personally, I'd have had to tell him when he said it the first time.(you said 'the first time he brought it up' which leads me to believe he kept doing it) He also had the right to tell you what he honestly thought. However, being honest and being insensitive or tactless are different things. I believe he was trying to make you feel good about how you looked before and perhaps hoped that would encourage you to lose some weight. I just think he didn't do it well. What I have a problem with the fact that he views HIM telling his truth differently than YOU telling him your truth. Seems he doesn't mind telling you the truth and being honest, but doesn't want to allow you the same privilege. And no, I don't think you were wrong. When someone hurts your feelings, I believe you should tell them, especially when they do it repeatedly. I agree it was probably a misunderstanding, but if you can't tell him something this simple and benign about having your feelings hurt without it becoming an issue, you've got bigger problems as a couple than him wanting you to lose weight.

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    • I definitely agree with you. That is what I was trying to get at when talking to him, that this is an insecurity of mine, and yes I always want us to be honest with each other, but I also want to be able to express when something bothers me. And he encourages that, he wants me to always tell him when something bothers me. I think he got SO upset because he realized that he was upsetting ME. Kind of like a circle, where we both don't want to upset each other lol. I think I am just too insecure :/

    • I think the true problem is that he wants me to be honest and open, and then when I try to be and tell him when something bothers me, I think he gets sad (not mad) that he has upset me. And that makes me sad, because I don't want him to think that he has done something wrong, but I think he beats himself up over hurting me in any way. He's a very good and sensitive guy, and I always feel like he thinks I don't love him as much as I really do. So I hate to make him feel upset or sad because of me

  • i don't think you overreacted. but HE did. I think what he wanted was to nudge you into losing weight. that's probably what he means by 'progressing as a couple'. lmao. he's a tricky one. :p

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    • lol yeah, I mean like I know I used to look better in the past, but so did he. and he always says things like "i wanna lose weight and better myself for u, dot you wanna do same for me?" which to me just sounds like "you are fat, lose weight NOW" lol. and I know he does not mean it like that, he is generally super sweet and caring and he'd never want to hurt me. I think he actually got so upset because he realized he did something that upset me, and that's why I feel bad about saying anything :/

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    • he isn't made out of glass, and neither are you. these misunderstandings happen, feelings are bound to get hurt now and then... you have to try to put it in perspective for yourself. whenever you're honest with someone close to you, it isn't always guaranteed to be a positive experience lol

    • Lol very true. I know that sometimes it's the people you love that can most easily hurt you cause they know exactly how you are. I think I am just so scared of upsetting him, I am scared to say how I feel sometimes. I feel like if I keep saying something every time something bothers me, he will get fed up with my complaining and leave me :( I just love him so much and want us to be happy and honest, but I am so scared of hurting him and then having him leave me :( I guess I am just that insecure

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