losing the short term for the long term

I've noticed a pattern with the guys I've been involved with recently: they forgo short term things with me because they want the long term.

Like my last boyfriend. He did not have his act together as a boyfriend, and it seemed like a really easy fix to me. It became clear to me though that it was not going to get fixed, so I dumped him. It made us both really sad, but he said, "It's OK, you're leaving to travel for a year, and when you come back, I'll have grown a lot."

After I broke up with him, I took a lover, who I picked because besides it just being fun, I believed there was no danger of emotional involvement from either of us. Then he dumped me, because he said had grown feelings for me, and was more interested in keeping the long term affair than getting serious in or enjoying the short term.

Thoughts? Why do guys deny themselves the short term because they want the long term? This is not either/or...they can do both...


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  • They want to be sure the relationship will work out for life.


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