How big of a factor is ambition for you in a partner?

Right now I am reconsidering a relationship with my fiance. Our relationship has been about two years, not that long but I see a lot of inconsistency.

Such things include his proclamation he would finish his certificate and has still yet to do it. He also just recently quit a job and now going back to his old job where he'll be working with my ex boyfriend as his superior...

I posted a few places for him to apply to but I feel less attracted to him because he's willing to go back to a sh*tty job. I feel less attracted because he's not following through with what he said and if I'm married to him, I'm not sure how our children will be. I need someone who is stable in terms of finances. Plus he has student loans...I Don't know right now really what I should do because... I don't have loans, I have a stable job and almost done my training etc. As idealistic as I want to be in terms of compassion, does anyone else have any other advice?

It would be a terrible time to break up with him too seeing how he is embarrassing me going backwards in a way. please need help, not criticism. I am needing mature advice only.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I definitely wouldn't recommend marriage if he doesn't follow through with things and doesn't try to make things better for himself and the both of you. You need to talk to him about this because it's obvious you both aren't ready for this. You aren't sure about him being able to support you and you don't feel the connection, or at least the same as before. He's flaky and doesn't seem to care much not to mention not too stable with finances and apparently maturity isn't there.

    If you do talk and he thinks everything is fine (when clearly it's not), maybe you two need to take a break. Maybe indefinitely. Maybe not until he proves that he's capable to keeping a good job, following through with things, paying off his loans, etc.

    If he's really mature and cares for you like the way he should, he'll make an effort to do the right things right away. Not in the near future.


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • If you don't respect him, you need to break up with him.

    Personally I place a lot of importance on ambition, much more than most guys do.

    • haha I hope you're not my ex @_@... he puts ambition above everything- including emotions

    • I don't really see the conflict there. My happiness stems from setting my goals and achieving them. If a girl doesn't have the same mentality, she's not for me.

What Girls Said 1

  • You have obviously lost some respect for him, have you talked about his actual goals? Is the sh*tty job a stepping stone to a better one or because it gives him time for something else? If you can't communicate with him yourself it doesn't sound like either of you are ready for marriage. You have to be 100% sure he is THE MAN for you, marriage is supposed to be for life so treat it as such. You are doing well or yourself and there is no shame in wanting a person more like you, what is worse, breaking his heart now or breaking the heart of your kids when you divorce?