To go or not to go to a party where ex girlfriend will be?

She broke up with me months ago after dating for almost a year. It was amicable enough, but I was saddened by it.

I went to 2 months of NC before seeing her again at an an event. Although awkward, she was friendly enough towards me.

A month passed and I saw her again with mutual friends. I went right up to her with a smile to say hello and that she was very cold towards me, even rude. I later found out that she was asking around if I had been dating someone and was convinced that I was (in fact, I went on some dates nothing serious and was seen socializing with women. But, so what? My ex dumped me!)

Now, there is another event with mutual friends coming up and I think my ex will be there. I am concerned that I will not have a good time because I will be distracted and upset by my ex and any vindictive actions she may take. If she shows up with a dude, I know it will bent me out of shape and possibly destroy any progress I have made in getting over her.

On the other hand, my friends will be there and there is a possibility I can meet someone new. However, I am not sure how comfortable I will be hitting on other women while my ex is there.

Any thoughts? Anyone been in this boat?

My friends want me to be there, and I think I will be letting them down if I do not go. And I understand about facing my fears. However, I do not want to walk away from that night upset if and when I see my ex. If see her with a dude, it will be quite a kick in my balls, for sure.

Coincidentally, I ran into my ex this morning on the way to work. She say me first, smiled and said hello. I reciprocated. I thought it was nice of her to initiate a hello. Oddly, this makes me want to go to the party even less now. I know I have no reason to feel this way, but I kind of feel like it would be inappropriate for me to go to a party and hit on other girls if I am on peaceful terms with me ex. Thoughts?


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What Girls Said 1

  • I sometimes have to go to events where my boyfriend's ex (whom he still has feelings for) is. I generally am 100% distracted by her presence and have to pretend to have a good time. I never enjoy myself, but I feel that going is important, in a kind of fake it till you make it kind of way. I refuse to let one other person keep me from hanging out with our mutual friends. I feel a little better in knowing I'm not the only one that feels the awkwardness. She doesn't like me being there either, but we share friends. It's unavoidable, so all three of us are doing the same thing, getting on with our lives and moving on. I have a feeling we'll be faking it until we make it.

    You hope to meet someone new, if you see her with a guy, it would seem you both have the same goals. Part of moving on is accepting that your former partner is going to have someone new in their life that will take on the role you once had. Even for the people that break up with others, it's hard to accept. That's probably what she was feeling and why she was cold. I wouldn't call her going with a guy vindictive, I would call it her trying to play catch up to what she thinks you're already doing. No one wants to be left behind with feelings in a break up. It's a lonely place to be.

    In summary, I think you'll have a hard time enjoying yourself, but you need to ask if you're going to let this break up rule your social life. If it were me, I would go out of sheer determination.

    • No pain, no gain? Curious...doesn't it bother you that your boyfriend still has feelings for his ex?

    • It's complicated. Yes, it bothers me. But he broke up with her, I know they'll never get back together and why, I'm just doing my best to be patient. I know that if he really wanted it, she'd have taken him back in an instant, and he hasn't. It's hard, but I trust him a great deal. And it helps knowing that all three of us are bothered by the whole thing, not just me.

What Guys Said 1

  • This could be as fun as you're willing to make it..but you must find the hottest girl you can, and pay her to go as your date. Other than that, I wouldn't go.

    • Thx, dude. Well, ironically, my ex did see me sitting with an attractive girl last time, but she is just a friend. That same friend may be there at the event. I am not sure if that is a good or bad thing. I kind of wanted my ex back and I think seeing me with another chick (albeit a friend) may have killed my chances. But if I never had a shot back with her in the first place, then I guess it was good to be seen with a cute chick.

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    • We are part of a young adult church group in a large city. There are local parish events where I don't have to worry about seeing my ex. It's the citywide events where I am concerned about seeing her. Of course, it's risk versus reward. At the citywide events, there are more people in attendance and hence more women to possibly meet. Yet, I am taking a chance because my ex may be there with idea of meeting other guys,

    • Awww gotcha.

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